Hey everybody, welcome back to Concierge Weight Loss. I'm Kara, and today we are talking about something that honestly keeps a lot of women stuck.
And that is this belief, that if
You really, really want to lose weight?
You cannot eat foods that you love.
That means weight loss has to have plain chicken, and boring salads.
Definitely not desserts or pizza, or chips, or brownies.
Basically, no fun.
And honestly, I think this belief is one of the biggest reasons
Women feel so out of control.
around those types of foods.
Because when you believe you can't have something, it becomes…
Loud. The food is loud. The emotions, loud.
suddenly, the cookies in the pantry are screaming your name.
You know exactly how many are left in the package.
The brownies at the church event feel impossible to resist.
The pizza. A pizza that you can get any Friday night. It feels extra special. You'd totally be missing out if you didn't have it.
And then women tell me, I just… I can't control myself around food. I don't have any control around whatever the item is.
But usually, it's not accurate.
actually the food that's causing the problem.
It's the restriction of it. It's…
The fear of having it, it's the pressure of trying to be good. It's the, I better eat it all now,
Because tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to have it, because I've got to be good again.
And that's what creates the overeating.
And I see this all the time.
Women are either trying to avoid foods that they actually
I actually love completely. Or…
They're overeating those foods when they finally let themselves have some of it.
And then, they blame themselves. But listen, if your version of
Weight loss requires you
To avoid foods that you love forever, your brain is going to fight
that hard, because no one actually wants to eat cardboard forever. Nobody wants to feel deprived forever.
Nobody wants to feel like weight loss,
means that they can never enjoy birthdays, vacations, pizza night, or holiday, or desserts again.
And honestly, you shouldn't have to. One of the things that I teach my clients is that no food is off-limits.
Now, that does not mean that you're going to eat everything all the time, as much as you want, whenever you want.
And ignore your body.
emotionally nonstop, never make a healthy or a supportive choice for yourself. That is not what I'm saying.
What I mean is, you are allowed to eat any food, and because you are allowed to eat it,
You no longer have to panic around it.
That's where food peace starts.
Wouldn't you like to feel peaceful at some point around food?
I had a client once tell me, I don't even want to lose weight if I can't have chocolate cake.
And honestly, oh, I appreciate that.
That is some honesty right there. Because a lot of women secretly feel that way, and think they're not supposed to.
They think, what's the point of losing weight if I have to be miserable forever?
And this client really wanted to test whether I meant it when I said no foods were off-limits.
So she put chocolate cake on her plan every single day. Every day. And at first…
Yeah, she overate it, because she still had all that…
emotional urgency around it. She still had that mindset of,
I better enjoy this. I better get enough, because it's gonna be taken away. This is… this is so special, I need to have it all right now.
Because this won't last. But eventually, something really interesting happens.
The chocolate cake stopped feeling so emotionally exciting.
Because she stopped telling herself. She couldn't have it. And once she fully believed, I can have chocolate cake today, tomorrow, at any time, if I really want it.
that panic of not having it disappeared. The urgency, the obsession, it started disappearing.
And eventually, she started eating smaller pieces.
naturally. Then she realized, I don't even think I want this today.
Maybe I'll have it tomorrow. So she continued putting it on her plan every day, but realized a lot of times anymore, she just…
either wanted just a bite, or even… I'm good today.
So, now, did chocolate cake magically become a health food and help her lose weight? No.
But that's not the point. The point is that she learned to trust.
She trusted herself. She learned that she could have foods
She loved without spiraling out of control. And honestly, that's a skill most women never develop.
Because diets keep teaching restriction instead.
And restriction, it creates that obsession. Now, another thing I want to say here.
Sometimes women hear this and think, so I should just eat whatever I want all the time.
And honestly, that's usually a heavy dose of fear talking, because women have spent years believing that if they allow themselves permission,
around some type of food they love, some tempting food, they're gonna completely lose control.
And what actually tends to happen is this. When food loses its emotional power,
you become more intentional, not less.
You stop feeling frantic around food.
You stop feeling like every brownie is your last brownie.
you stop feeling like one slice of pizza ruined all of your progress.
And then, you can actually start making some calm decisions.
One of my clients used to tell me that there was no way she could lose weight because her life
was so busy, so active. There were church events and family gatherings, holidays, birthday parties.
It felt like she had multiple things every week. She was about the most social butterfly I think I've ever worked with.
And every single one of those events…
had amazing desserts. These women knew how to put out a spread, and she believed, if I have dessert,
I'm gonna lose control. There's no way I can lose weight this week. I've got too many things. There's gonna be too many desserts. I have no power not to eat them.
She thought not eating them was the only option, and so with that, it created all of this fear.
All the discomfort, all the worry, and then…
the shame of, I don't want my weight loss enough because I still want that desert. So instead of trying to eliminate desserts forever,
We started talking about it.
What dessert was actually worth it to her?
Were there desserts that maybe weight loss was more important, or was there a desert that, like, as long as I had some of it?
So, she got to choose which desserts she really loved, and gave herself permission
To not have to worry about the others.
Now, we did have to talk through what are other people gonna think when I don't try their dessert, or I don't…
ooh and aah over their dessert, but we worked through that.
We talked about how much of the dessert she actually wanted, you know? Do you need a whole cake? Do you need a slice? Do you just need, like, a sliver?
We also talked about what people are gonna think if you cut off just a small sliver. Are they gonna think I'm…
wasteful and didn't have the whole piece. I touched something and I didn't eat the whole thing. Are they gonna think that I am dieting, and like…
I'm trying to be better than them.
lots of thoughts. Um, we talked about how she wanted to feel afterwards. You know, most people want to feel like I am confident, and I make great choices for myself, and I get to have things I love.
That's not something that people realistically tell themselves often. We don't think about the after, we think about whether I got the food or not.
And then we started to prepare her
thoughts, even before the event ever happened. How to get her in a place that she felt like she liked her choices,
that she got everything she wanted, and she wasn't restricting or depriving.
And then she could still have her weight loss, and know at the end of that, she was proud of herself, and confident that she hadn't ruined anything.
Because sometimes that food, it does matter. It does! I want the food. I want you to have the food, and that's okay.
Sometimes that experience with the food in it matters.
And that's okay.
This is where I think women get stuck, because diets, diet culture, all of that teaches you, you either care about your weight loss, or you care about enjoying food.
And I just don't believe that it's true that it's either-or. I think both can exist.
You can care about your health AND
Enjoy your dessert. You can lose weight, and…
Have pizza. You can make those supportive choices, some healthy options sometimes, and still enjoy all foods.
Those things are not opposites.
Now, that does not mean every craving needs to be a command that is answered.
I don't… I think that's important, too, because another thing I see women struggle with is that they're constantly asking,
I don't even know. What sounds good for dinner? What sounds good for lunch? What sounds good for this?
And sometimes I joke that, you know, are your ears the thing that dictate your hunger?
Because they're not even physically hungry, they're mentally searching for something, for some stimulation of some kind, some…
comfort or relief, maybe some excitement. They need a good dopamine hit.
And they keep waiting for some magical, healthy food to sound exciting enough.
And because nothing sounds perfect,
They end up grabbing fast food.
Throw it in the towel, snacking all evening, grazing on anything because they never really made a choice.
Maybe they order takeout to just not have to make a decision anymore.
And they… they eat reactively to everything. Nothing's planned ahead, nothing has thought through.
So, part of this process is also learning. Not every meal…
needs to be…
amazing and incredible. We don't have to have a huge, like,
excitement from it. Sometimes food is enjoyable, and it's rich and exciting, and…
celebratory, right? Moan-worthy is what I call it.
And sometimes food is simply, I just need something.
That is gonna fill me up.
And keep me going. Maybe a little support?
Something to help me feel good. Both are normal. Both matter.
And they can exist together. I think this is one of the biggest mindset shifts that women need to make.
weight loss does not have to look perfect to work.
You do not have to eat perfectly, or avoid your favorite foods. Say no to every dessert.
be good all week. How many times have you said that? I've been good all week!
And then you definitely do not have to earn
Food. You don't have to earn your favorite foods, or anything. Like, you just eat when you're hungry. We figure it out together.
So you just need to learn how to make intentional decisions without spiraling out of control, without spiraling emotionally, without laying it all on thick, right?
That's the real skill. It's the one that I hadn't practiced until I learned this way of doing it.
And honestly, a lot of women have never practiced that, because
They've always either been restricting or been overeating after a restriction.
So, if you currently feel…
out of control around food. Scared to keep your favorite foods in the house.
afraid that one treat is going to ruin everything.
you're gonna be stuck in cheat day cycles forever.
Exhausted by food guilt.
I really want you to know this.
It is not just you. Many women feel this way, and it doesn't mean that you are broken or incapable.
You probably just haven't learned how to eat,
with permission yet. And permission feels terrifying at first for women.
who have spent years trying to control themselves with rules.
But over time, permission creates trust.
And trust creates calm.
And calm creates consistency, and consistency, that.
is what actually creates weight loss. Not perfection, not punishment.
Not fear, consistency. So this week, I really want you to practice asking yourself.
What foods matter? What actually matters to me?
What foods am I just panicking around?
And what foods have I labeled as dangerous? Like, ugh, off-limits, dangerous, I can't control myself.
What would… and then… and ask yourself this. What would happen if I stopped treating food?
Like it was forbidden. If it was
okay to have. Would I eat it different? Would I even need it anymore?
Because the goal here is not to eat perfectly.
The goal is to become someone who can calmly make decisions around food.
That is freedom.
Honestly, that's what sustainable weight loss really looks like.
So, if this episode hit home for you, and you're realizing, wow, I actually don't know how to eat without guilt, fear, that all or nothing,
type thinking. That's exactly the kind of thing I help women work through in coaching. Not perfect meal plans,
I'm not food policing them.
Real-life weight loss for real-life women.
Women who are busy, tired, overwhelmed, social, emotional.
All of it, women who have dieted for years and are exhausted.
Together, we figure out what actually works for your life.
You can book a free call with me.
Um, www.coachingkara.com/freecall
And if this episode helped you, I would love for you to share it with someone.
who needs to hear that weight loss does not require misery. Alright, friend, I'll talk to you next week.
