12:13:54 Hey, friend! Welcome back to the podcast. Today, we're digging into one of the biggest things women tell me.
12:14:00 They want to feel confident in their own skin. Not after they lose weight, not after they fix all the things they think are wrong, but now.
12:14:09 Right now. Sometimes they don't know that's what they want, is right now, they just know they want it now, but they want… they think they have to wait till it's all fixed.
12:14:15 So, we're going to talk about exactly how to do that. How to stop picking yourself apart.
12:14:21 How to step out of comparison, and how to start treating yourself like someone Worth showing up for, because… You are. You're worth showing up for. You're worth all of that now I don't care what your size of your body is, you don't need to tell me, but, but, but. I'm telling you, you are already worth it.
12:14:39 Most of us have learned to go through the world, bracing ourselves for criticism.
12:14:45 That's a fun word. Criticism! And sometimes, we get ahead of it by being the first to say something negative about our bodies, you know?
12:14:52 That feeling, when you say something self-deprecating about your arms or your belly before someone else can. Let me beat you to the punch. I already know that my backside looks like this, or I have bat wings, or whatever the thing is.
12:15:05 It's like we think if we name it, they can't hurt us with it. What's… really happening here is that we're cutting ourselves down before anyone else gets the chance. Yes, we are. And that chips away at our confidence day after day.
12:15:19 I've worked with so many women who avoid certain activities, things that they'd actually enjoy doing.
12:15:24 Because they tell themselves, it's not something a fat person should be doing, or they'll look crazy doing it, being so heavy. I'll do that once I lose weight.
12:15:33 That's what they say. Whether it's going to a pool party, maybe dancing at a wedding, or even joining a workout class.
12:15:40 They wait. They think that they're gonna be on display, that their body is unacceptable, and they shouldn't have to have other people have to witness their body doing these favorite activities.
12:15:50 And in the waiting, they miss out. I've also heard women say that they hate their bodies.
12:15:57 That they're disgusted with themselves, that it's all their fault that they've allowed themselves to look this way, and they've gotten in this condition.
12:16:03 And because of that, they assume no one wants to be around them.
12:16:07 Not in friendships, not in public, and definitely sometimes, not even in romance.
12:16:12 They carry this belief that because of their size, they are somehow unworthy.
12:16:17 That kind of shame, that runs deep. And I want to say, this really clearly You are not a problem needing to be fixed.
12:16:27 You are a person who deserves love and respect, fun, and belonging.
12:16:32 Right now, just as you are. So… How do we actually build body confidence? Because it all sounds good, right? But how do we do that? What does that mean? How would it look?
12:16:42 First, we stop the comparing ourselves to a standard that doesn't exist.
12:16:48 Everyone has a body. Everybody looks different, and that's not just okay. That's beautiful. That's how it is, how it's supposed to be.
12:16:58 How boring would the world look if we all had the exact same body? We all looked the exact same? That'd be a boring world.
12:17:06 Think about how beauty standards shift from cultures and countries and over through the decades. Think about how little kids run around with round bellies and chubby cheeks, and they lift their shirts, and they're laughing without a care in the world. They haven't been told yet that their body
12:17:24 Is bad. They haven't been told yet that they're not acceptable. They're just living life, having fun, they enjoy their bodies without questioning it, without it being a matter of their worth, or their value, their enoughness. They're not wrong.
12:17:39 We can get some of that back. But it takes practice. I'm not telling you to run around with your shirt up, but… We can get some of that back, some of that carefree.
12:17:48 It does take that practice. Now. Here's the thing. Even when we start changing the way we think, summer can still bring up all the body insecurities. Why?
12:17:58 Because with all the fun things that we do, that we want to do, like the lake, and vacations, and… Reunions or weddings. We start to feel like we're not allowed to enjoy those things until we've hit a goal or fixed a flaw.
12:18:11 And that stops us from showing up, even if we say yes to the invite.
12:18:17 We may not really be there. We're stuck in our heads the whole time, worrying about how we look.
12:18:22 Fidgeting and pulling at our clothes, wondering what people are thinking about us and what we look like. It's exhausting.
12:18:30 And half the time, we're so distracted by how we feel about our bodies.
12:18:34 We forget why we wanted to be there in the first place.
12:18:38 I talk with my clients about this a lot. I ask them to take a step back and get honest with themselves.
12:18:43 Why are you going to this event? Why did you even want to go?
12:18:48 Are you going to the barbecue to compare thighs with strangers? No!
12:18:52 Are you going to laugh with your friends and eat food you enjoy? Absolutely, that's the plan, right?
12:18:58 Are you going… To the beach, to hide under a towel the whole time. You want to be fully dressed up to your neck.
12:19:07 No! We just want to be cool and have fun and not be too overheated. We want to enjoy the… Enjoy the outside and the water.
12:19:16 Are you going to make memories with your family? Yes, absolutely, right? That's what we want. We want to make memories. And sometimes we want to be in the pictures, too.
12:19:26 When we zoom out and remember that the real reason why we're there is connection and fun, making memories.
12:19:33 Our body, it needs to stop being the main character. Of the story. We get to show up as a full person, then. We stop obsessing, and we start living.
12:19:44 Another way I help my clients interrupt those harsh, critical thoughts is by pointing out that we would never speak to someone else the way we speak to ourselves.
12:19:53 If your best friend was wearing that dress. The same one that you're trying to put on. Would you say, wow, your arms are disgusting, look at that fat roll.
12:20:01 Of course not! So why is it okay to say that to yourself? It's not.
12:20:07 That was a game changer for me. I started catching the inner mean girl and picturing myself saying those same comments out loud to someone I love. And every single time, it made me cringe. I would never… So, why was I okay with doing it to myself?
12:20:22 So I made a new rule. For every negative thing I caught myself saying, I had to find two positive things to say back.
12:20:29 At first, it was awkward. I didn't even know what to say. I wasn't used to speaking kindly to myself, and to be honest.
12:20:36 We're taught that saying nice things about yourself It's vain, it's bragging.
12:20:42 Look at her ego. But I stuck with it. And slowly, those positive thoughts started feeling more natural.
12:20:50 I used the I Am app. It's an app it would send these affirmations to my watch or my phone throughout the day. And when they popped up, I imagined Someone else sang them to me, because I couldn't imagine saying that to myself, or thinking that about myself.
12:21:04 At first, it really… it didn't feel real to me, but eventually, I found myself reading them and saying, thank you!
12:21:11 And then one day, I read one and thought, yeah, I am strong! I do light up a room.
12:21:16 It started to sink in. This kind of work matters because it changes how you carry yourself.
12:21:22 It changes how you speak. And it changes what you believe about your worth. That all will carry over for other people, too. Let's just start with you.
12:21:32 Most people don't realize how often their confidence is sabotaged by the assumptions that they make about what others think.
12:21:41 There's this video I saw years ago, it was a commercial, I think.
12:21:45 A woman was walking down the street, and every time she passes someone, we hear in the video what she thinks they're thinking about her. All the negative, all about her parents.
12:21:55 Criticism after criticism. And then the video, it flips, and we hear what those people she passed by we're actually thinking. And guess what One person was worried about their own day, another thought about… that the lady coming down the road had great shoes, and one was thinking about their own kids' soccer game later.
12:22:14 Someone else was actually debating whether to ask this lady out, because they thought she looked amazing.
12:22:20 It hit me hard! We assume everyone is judging us. But most people are too busy worrying about their own stuff, and if they are thinking something about us, we'll never really even know So why not just… if we're gonna invent stories.
12:22:35 Why not imagine the best story? Why not believe They like my smile, that they're drawn to my energy, or that they're secretly admiring my confidence.
12:22:45 I like to walk into a room thinking, you know, everybody here is my friend, everyone loves me, they just maybe don't know it yet.
12:22:52 It may sound silly, but confidence is contagious. People are drawn to it because it helps them feel at ease.
12:23:00 And that starts with you being at ease in your own body.
12:23:04 Body confidence is about being present in your life, not about looking perfect or loving every part of yourself.
12:23:11 It's about showing up, taking up some space. And deciding to enjoy what's in front of you.
12:23:17 So, if you're struggling with this right now, here's what I want you to do this week. Just start noticing.
12:23:23 The thoughts that you're having about your body. Write them down if you need to. Just become aware.
12:23:30 We stop listening. When we don't like what we're hearing, we just stop listening. So I want you to listen.
12:23:35 Then, every time you catch a negative one, I want you to challenge it. Ask.
12:23:40 Would I say this to someone I love? If not, find two positive things. We're gonna cancel these things out. We gotta take two to get rid of the 1.
12:23:48 Cancel it out with two positive things to say instead. And they don't have to be about your body, or your looks. They can be about your personality.
12:23:56 Or your energy, your values, your resilience. I used to say a lot, I have great eyes, I have great hair.
12:24:02 That was about the… the… most I could say about what I looked like And then it was like, you know what? I'm a really great friend.
12:24:11 I am very compassionate. I am really good at figuring things out, and I just kept getting better and better at knowing myself.
12:24:20 And being able to comment on it. In nicer ways. Next.
12:24:25 Wear something you've been avoiding. Something just for you. You don't even have to go anywhere in it, but just put something on. Maybe it's a tank top or a pair of shorts.
12:24:33 Uh, walking around the first time in a sports bra for me was like, woohoo!
12:24:38 I felt like I was on a billboard, and everybody was looking, and nobody cared. Nobody cared.
12:24:43 I'm not telling you maybe to quite go that far with it yet, but Just wear something, maybe, that you've been avoiding. Maybe it's a swimsuit. Put it on.
12:24:51 Breathe through the discomfort for a moment. And go do something fun in it.
12:24:56 Prove to yourself that you're allowed to wear whatever you want now.
12:25:02 Then, practice walking into a room. With a thought you choose on purpose.
12:25:07 Something that serves you. Maybe it's, I belong here. Or, I am a good friend.
12:25:12 I'm the kind of woman who shows up for herself and her friends.
12:25:16 Confidence isn't a feeling you wait for, it's something you practice. And if you need support with this, if you want to stop letting body shame and self-doubt keep you stuck, I want to help you.
12:25:28 Head over to CoachingCARA.com forward slash free call and schedule your free personalized solutions call.
12:25:34 I'll help you figure out What's keeping you from feeling good in your body?
12:25:39 What needs to shift, and how we can make a confidence.
12:25:43 That confidence a natural part of your life, not just a goal you hope to reach.
12:25:48 You don't have to wait to feel better. You don't have to wait to be someone else.
12:25:54 You can start now. You are worthy of good things now. You are allowed to enjoy your body now, and your people.
12:26:03 The ones who really matter. They want you showing up and being yourself, enjoying life, loving every day.
12:26:10 You don't have to hide anymore. You don't have to shrink to take up some space.
12:26:15 You don't need to earn your confidence. You just have to claim it, and I'm here to help you do that.
12:26:22 I'll see you next week for the third episode, where we will talk about how to stay on track while traveling.
12:26:30 Summer's all about having fun, right? So, how to travel, how to enjoy your vacations without missing out on the food, the fun, or your progress. Talk to you then.
12:26:42 Social media script kit. Soundbite 1.
12:26:48 Confidence doesn't come after you lose weight. It comes from practicing how you show up in the body that you have right now.
12:26:59 Soundbite 2. If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, why are you saying it to yourself?
12:27:07 That's how I broke my inner mean girl voice. I stopped letting her talk to me in ways I wouldn't tolerate from anyone else.
12:27:26 Story slide script, slide 1. Let's talk about body confidence.
12:27:30 Slide 2. Confidence isn't about having the right body. It's about trusting the one you already have.
12:27:38 Slide 3. Most women tear themselves apart before anyone else can.
12:27:44 Like, if we say it first, it'll hurt less. But it still hurts. It always hurts.
12:27:51 Slide 4. I coach my clients. To challenge those thoughts. Speak with kindness, and build confidence, like a skill.
12:27:59 Not a reward for weight loss. Slide 5.
12:28:05 Listen to the full podcast episode, Feeling Great in Your Own Skin Now.
12:28:10 Find it on CoachingCara.com forward slash blog. Dm me for confidence, and let's talk about how this shows up for you.
