09:48:26 Good morning, good morning. So I wanted to come on today and tell you about a conversation I've had recently.
09:48:33 A lady was telling me that she was working on weight loss in that she had this plan that she was going to eliminate carbs and she said well at least bread and then she said that she was going to Go to the gym 6 days a week and that she was doing all water things and if you're listening to this We've already discussed all this, but you can listen again.
09:49:00 And so she says that she's gonna go to the gym 6 times a week and do water aerobics.
09:49:05 And I said, okay, great. How's that going for you? And she said, well, the pool was closed.
09:49:10 Somebody, they couldn't get the class in. Somebody else was using the pool and instructor wasn't there and that it's really driving her crazy that she can't get in 6 times a week.
09:49:20 I said, okay, so how often does that happen? She said like once or twice a week. I said, alright, so then I asked her like, what do you do when that happens?
09:49:30 And she said basically it was this whole rant about how, you know, it was frustrating and it was hard and overwhelming and all the things and she couldn't get it in and she was on a solution mode to be able to get the pool to open, but after that that part was out of her hands.
09:49:47 And so I was kind of laughing because this was bringing back all the memories of myself and my journey. And so she had this whole plan of how she was going to get in to the pool or she was going to do something else and then I said okay well you know at the gym there's like classes like for this or that and she's telling him about her knees and tell me about how it's hard on land and all the
09:50:10 body things and she had really good reasons, but she was quick to like shut those down. Fast, fast, back.
09:50:17 So as I'm listening. I'm like, well, what about this? So now I know her reasons, right?
09:50:22 So I'm like, okay, and I am such a problem solver. And I'm like, so what about this class because it's actually made for people with arthritis.
09:50:30 What about this machine because you don't have to stand? What about this? This is and we came up with tons.
09:50:36 Tons of solutions. So as I was talking to her, it's all clicking in my head.
09:50:41 My journey was I used to do all of the extreme diets. And I would do that and the more rules they had, it almost felt like the more boundaries I had.
09:50:53 Like it felt like I was like a like a weighted blanket all safe and secure within the boundaries of the rules.
09:51:01 Right. I don't know how many boundaries and rules you want, but pretty much anytime we try to set a rule for us, remember yourself as a child, someone say you can't do that.
09:51:18 I can't do something. I know for sure I chopped my hair off one time because a boyfriend said he would like like me if I had my hair cut and I showed him and chop that right to my chin.
09:51:29 Well, so as we realize like all these rules and boundaries are really not what are so helpful. We keep looking for more.
09:51:39 How many times have you looked for another diet to help you figure out how to lose the weight once and for all?
09:51:45 Another diet, more rules, right? So as I was talking to her, I was like so. Like what happens if you don't do it 6 times?
09:51:54 What happens if you do something else? And she started to realize what her brain, her own thoughts were the problem here.
09:52:04 And so we call this all or nothing thinking or sometimes you will call it perfectionism. That's an Ouch word, right?
09:52:14 Nobody wants to be called a perfectionist. And so I have some perfectionistic tendencies myself and many of the people who I talk to also do.
09:52:24 You know, what was the saying? Anything worth doing is worth doing well. And so The problem is not that we have an eye for detail or that we like things done well.
09:52:34 It's that we put very unrealistic expectations on ourselves as we do it. That's why it's called all or nothing.
09:52:41 And so even as her and I continued talking, she was telling me about how her boyfriend was even like trying to like help her have some compassion.
09:52:51 Yeah. She told me about how she'd hurt her knee and she was still trying to go into the gym anyway, even when her body was like physically hurt.
09:53:01 That's where we know for sure that these kind of things are not helpful to us. I have these kind of conversations with people all the time.
09:53:13 And so I love hearing what people are saying in their heads when they get to share that with me. That like peek behind the curtain, right?
09:53:19 And so, which I'm gonna scroll for a second. You know, when people say what would your super power be if you could have a super power, what would you want it to be?
09:53:28 Mine has always been I would love to peek behind the curtain and see what it is that people think.
09:53:34 What specific moment in time is the thing that like change their course, their path. And so people with anxiety or people with depression, is it like a chemical thing or did something happen?
09:53:47 Was there some little micro trauma that like set things in motion. I would love that would be my super power for short tell me what your super power is because that one's always a fun one to hear that question answered but with the all or nothing thinking what happens is our brains should start telling us that all the time and we have all those rules and we can't figure our way out of the box.
09:54:11 And so we just keep imposing. And we keep finding that it's more and more frustrating and defeating.
09:54:18 We start feeling so defeated. We start feeling so defeated where when I 1st started and defeating, we start feeling so defeated where when I 1st started losing weight, I would find a diet and I would find a diet and I would be all in on all the rules and it would feel very and you would be so excited and and have all that hope and then as things started getting harder and harder and as we kept putting more rules
09:54:36 on ourselves and expectation that not only were these some of the rules but we had to do them right. We had to do it the right way.
09:54:44 The certain way or we weren't doing it well enough. We weren't giving our all and we fell short one more time.
09:54:51 As we did that, we became very defeated. We become very overwhelmed and frustrated. And we usually quit because we are not wanting to be beat down so many times again and again and again.
09:55:05 Wants to feel like a failure. Let's just find something else we're good at. And shoot, we've all been good at eating, right?
09:55:12 Let's just feel good at eating. And so that's gonna be like that perpetual, always working on weight loss kind of thing because the thing we turn to for relief from ourselves.
09:55:23 Usually is food and quitting. And so between the quid and the food, it's not helping our weight loss.
09:55:29 It's not helping our pursuit of our goal. And so that's the kind of thing that I get to help women with.
09:55:34 So one of my favorite things, someone asked me the other day, like why do you want to help with it?
09:55:42 And we were talking about marketing because marketing is not my favorite my favorite part and so like even with this video I really had the plan to do this video 2 days ago and I wrote some notes for it and then I just kept like putting it off.
09:55:58 So I have a habit of procrastinating when things feel a little bit hard. And not that this video is hard.
09:56:04 I have no problem getting on and talking to people. I can talk all day long about almost any topic that's, exciting to me and helping you.
09:56:14 It's 1 of the most exciting topics. But if it feels hard and we tell ourselves it's hard or I'm not good at it or I don't know how to do it.
09:56:20 We're just going to continue putting it off. And so each time we put it off a little bit, it makes it feel even more imposing and so harder and like unrealistic.
09:56:32 We're just, you know, we have too high of an expectation. We should lower our expectation.
09:56:36 Maybe, maybe we need to a little bit, right? But a lot of times it's that we are.
09:56:44 Having unrealistic expectations. And so when you think of that word perfectionist, And I said, Ouch, right?
09:56:51 Because can you imagine someone calling you a perfectionist? We think that it's unrealistic.
09:56:58 That's where the perfectionist is. It's not a good thing. It's unrealistic.
09:57:03 And so when we have all of those diet rules, whether it's 6 days in the swimming pool with no exceptions, not even a hurt me or the other conversations I've had with people.
09:57:15 Maybe it's about being able to plan anything for food. It has to be perfect. It has to be Instagram worthy food options and meal plan or it's not going to happen at all and so that either or kind of stuff especially when you start saying it should be like this I'm supposed to do that.
09:57:36 Those are some quick key giveaways. So how I help women, I get to see their ahas.
09:57:41 This was the part I was starting to go towards. When I got asked why I like to help women, I love and it was the same when I was a Boy Scout leader.
09:57:48 If you didn't know, I was the Boy Scout leader all through my sons school age from 1st grade all the way through graduating high school.
09:58:00 And one of my favorite things with the scouts was when they would try something they now know a experience with whatsoever.
09:58:03 They would try something and they would have so much confidence after they did it like look what I did and I'm telling you I have camped in negative 12 degree weather and so if I am doing that, can you only imagine what these new fresh boys that had never had experiences and so many things what they were trying.
09:58:20 That is so exciting for them. And I loved that. I loved helping with scouts. When I help the women with weight loss.
09:58:28 You have the same stuff going on. Yes, you are more advanced in your age. You've had many more experiences, but we still have so many things that we've not experienced.
09:58:40 Not experience successful weight loss that's sustainable. And as you start seeing like, I can do these things, you start having that hope that's not like an unrealistic hope.
09:58:52 You start having it where it's like, I have done so many things. There's nothing I probably couldn't do.
09:58:58 And then you're like, I'm willing to try this. I don't know that it's the thing that's gonna help me lose weight, but you start thinking like it might be and if I'm willing to try it it's 1 more thing I tried and so your brain starts opening up all these possibilities all these avenues of things to try and as you're trying so many things you're bound to
09:59:17 have success because you've tried so many things. Watching that excitement goes, aha, like, oh, I got it. I got it.
09:59:27 Look what I did. I start all of my coaching sessions. What are we celebrating this week?
09:59:30 And people have to start getting their brain wrapped around that it doesn't have to be the end goal.
09:59:35 It doesn't even have to be weight loss on this scale. We are celebrating that you tried that you pivoted well that you stopped before you finished the whole baggage chips.
09:59:47 We're celebrating all these things and as you start seeing those as a success. You're willing to try something more.
09:59:53 Maybe it's even a few chips less next time or maybe it's that you put your shoes on, you walked out to get the mail and you came back in.
10:00:02 You didn't do the hour walk 5 times a week that you said you were gonna do. Because that's probably some of that all or nothing perfectionistic type thinking, but you put your shoes on and you walked 5Β min and a lot of times the people will say, well, I went out to get the mail and as soon as I did, I thought, well, I can at least walk to the end of the block and back.
10:00:23 And then the next time it's like, yeah, I could walk a little more. And each time you feel a little more excited to try something.
10:00:29 That is my absolute favorite part to get to help people. Watching their aha and watching how that aha that one little tiny aha it spirals into so much self evidence and it excites the journey again and again and again. It's so much fun.
10:00:46 I love getting to see that. So that's how I help women. I support you. I hold you accountable.
10:00:52 I make sure that you are not beating yourself up. And I'm not saying like you can't be disappointed because I will be disappointed with you.
10:01:02 We are going to realize that disappointment is just because we wanted it so badly. It's not because we are bad and unable.
10:01:10 It's not anything about our capacity. It's that that's the next thing to try again and now we know how to change it.
10:01:16 So I absolutely hold you accountable. I'm also going to help you make sure that you feel confident in what your next steps are.
10:01:24 And so sometimes I give you the steps, sometimes we decide on them together. So that is pretty much how I help you.
10:01:30 I give you the knowledge and then we build that confidence. We make sure that quitting is not going to be your go-to.
10:01:38 And then we work on making sure that your food is not the best part of your life. And that is exactly how I get to help women.
10:01:46 It is my favorite favorite part of of helping and getting to see all of that happen. And so women that have just blossomed and then they come back and tell me what their life is like.
10:01:57 That is the best. Everything is the best, right? Like you say, the best, cause you can tell this is exciting.
10:02:03 I really enjoy my job. I love it. And so if that's That sounds like something you would like.
10:02:08 You want some support. You want some accountability. You definitely want help with what the next steps are and making sure they're easy enough to do them.
10:02:15 So you'll continue doing them. You Let me know. I do these things called, personalized solutions call.
10:02:24 And we just hop on a quick little call and you tell me what's going on and I tell you like have you thought of this or is it this and sometimes I'm giving you a solution sometimes the solution is did you realize that your brain is telling you it has to be 6 days in a row?
10:02:40 For any of it to count or else you're not going to be able to lose weight because if that's the issue a lot of times people then start eating because they're so frustrated if that was the only solution.
10:02:50 So sometimes it's just that awareness that oh did you realize that's what you actually just said to me so get on this personalized solution call with me I'm gonna put it in the show notes but it's coaching. Kara.
10:03:03 Dot com forward slash free call. And I want to talk to you. I'll see you later.
10:03:09 Bye.
