2023- 5:24 LIVE Bullying to Beautiful - Public Audio:Podcast
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the concierge weight loss podcast. My name is Cara Hackleman, and I'm a certified life and weight loss coach. I help people just like you lose weight for the last time. Are you a little people pleasing, a little procrastinating? And maybe a little perfectionistic. Do you eat when you are not even necessarily hungry?
I can help you overcome that so you can finish losing weight and get out of your own way. Join me each week to get a little motivation and a lot of inspiration. Today I want to present to you this topic that is becoming even more dear to my heart. As I coach, as I talk to women, it just hurts my heart to hear exactly what it is that they're saying to themselves.
So today's topic, from bully to beautiful. And so with that, uh, [00:01:00] it just, like I said, it just breaks my heart to think that there is something that people are saying to themselves doing, and it just, To feel so shameful over your body. I don't even know how to get the words out. It just, it's all bubbled up in me right now.
So let's get started and let's see where it goes. Maybe I'll make sense, right? So when you're body shaving, when you're, and I mean body positivity is, you know, it's the tag word that everybody's using and people don't really exactly know what that means because it doesn't feel natural. It doesn't feel Um, honest or truthful.
It feels, it feels wonky, right? Body positivity. And so with that, like, we kind of have to understand what some of that means and why we need body positivity. Like, why we need some of that. And it'll make a little bit [00:02:00] more sense. It's still kind of one of those tag words that might feel uncomfortable with you, but it really feels more uncomfortable because of, um, how people are using things like that.
So with, Oh, I have an alert. I have an alert. What does whatever that means, right? Here we go. Okay. We're good. So, um, when you're judging your body, that is body shaming, judging it as in like comparison and judging it as in, you are not good enough or someone else is better. Um, sometimes it's comparison just to yourself.
Sometimes it's comparison to others. But like where did that comparison come from, right? Not just noticing like I have blonde hair, you have brown hair, but like noticing it and creating it as a problem that one's better than another. Um, there's that difficulty accepting and [00:03:00] loving our bodies, ourselves, right?
We can love other people in all shapes and sizes sometimes and sometimes not, right? But Like that, that there is a perfect body to achieve. And where did that come from? Right? So beauty, uh, pressure to conform to beauty standards. That's where it came from. And those are passed down like generation to generation.
They're also passed, um, by, by, uh, like social, uh, standings. Like where you're living at and what their social norms are is what beauty standards are going to be. It's one of my favorite things. Cause with beauty standards, some countries. They look at you, if you're really thin, that you're poor and you don't have enough money to eat food.
And so the people who are more robust or round or curvy, however, whichever word you like to use, they have more money. So they think of them as like higher class because they must have enough money to eat. And so [00:04:00] our, I live in the U. S., and I do have some out of the U. S. listeners now, so I guess I should clarify that.
In the U. S., People look at social media, we look at marketing, advertising, things like that, and the beauty standards are starting. I loved when the Dove commercials started to normalize all body, um, types and, uh, every body is beautiful. And so I love their, their slogan or logos, not logos, their, their slogan and their, um, their marketing.
I love it. And, and we just are working towards more of that. Um. But that that pressure that we get to conform because what we're looking at what we're being told is this is the beauty standard That's where some of that thinking comes from Some of it's from our parents to our grandparents our aunties people in our lives the women that we look up to And so we'll talk more about that in a minute Um, but really what it is is bottom line.
We're just [00:05:00] afraid that we're going to be judged or rejected That's where some of this starts to happen When you're a child, you're a little baby and you have all your little rolls. It's cute. It's beautiful. Look how, look how, you know, pudgy she is. And it's not said as like, it's a bad thing or a good thing.
They're just commenting on how beautiful the baby is. Yet when we become adults, that's, that's not the same standard anymore. But we can change it. Turn, uh, you'll, the next thing I wanted to say was that you turn to food to cope with the negative feelings that happen. So as you're shaming your body, you start to feel all that shame, the blame, judgment, rejection, all those things.
And when your, your go to coping mechanism has always been to eat. You eat more, which then adds more weight when you're overeating, right? And then you have even more shame and blame and guilt and all of the things, right? So with that, [00:06:00] um, today, really what I want to address is how to get out of body shaming.
We hear about body positivity. If it doesn't feel like it sits right, it doesn't feel It just feels like a tagline. There's, uh, there is the, and I wish I would have looked it up because I would love to give her credit. There is this young lady on TikTok. And if I can find it again, I will share it to my page because I love it, love it, love it.
I'll try to put it in show notes or something because, um, she pops on every so often. And she's singing this song and she's got this, this wonderful little grovelly voice, you know, and she talks about Self love and that like she's been it the the lyrics or something about like she's been to her therapist and she's supposed to write ten things about What she loves about herself, but she can't even write one and she hates how Self love sounds and [00:07:00] she hates that she can't even come up with one and she goes on and on and on and so that's where People start at that's so truthful about where we know what we love in other people And yet we keep thinking we continually fall short and it's hard to love yourself when you think that you're continually falling short all the time.
So, um, her, her video, it just rings in my head because I hear this so often about how people just cannot love themselves. They're not good enough to be loved. They're not worthy enough or valuable enough or, um, they'll be better when they lose weight. And I'm a weight loss coach. And so I have to really.
Make sure that my heart and my mind match up because I want you to have whatever you want and it's become very clear to me that I need to Make sure that what you want is what you want and not what? Society [00:08:00] and social norms tell you you're supposed to want and this has come up very recently I'm gonna talk about it in a little bit, but oh, it's in my heart hard very hard today So, um, let's see here.
So the first thing I want to say with weight loss coaching, I help people kind of understand. So like one of them would be how I like help you lose weight, right? That's how we lose weight. The things we do, what happens, um, the coaching part of it. What comes up that keeps you from doing the habits that lead to weight loss.
But the part that I want to focus on and make sure that I don't help a single person lose weight without loving themselves exactly as they are at every single size. And so I feel like I have had an injustice done if I do not make sure that you love yourself so completely at [00:09:00] every size. And so that's a bigger task than I realized because I have everything else.
fighting against me against you. And so this today is to start that help you figure out how to completely love yourself. And then if you want to lose weight, it's no different than if you change your hair color. It's just something you did. It's a preference. It's, you know, you have your reasons. Maybe you got it cut short because it's easier to maintain.
Maybe you feel better when you've lost a little bit of weight. That's the kind of direction I want us to move together in. So with weight loss coaching, I do, I help you lose the weight that you want, but I want to make sure that you're loving yourself completely as you do it. And so that's the part that if you love yourself completely, the habit part is so easy.
It's just so, so easy. So we're going to talk about some phases of body positivity. Because that word feels [00:10:00] so wonky to you, um, we're going to break down exactly what that means today. We're going to normalize, accept, appreciate, and love your body. I'm going to tell you what each of those things look like, and, um, That's the kind of stuff that I'm working in my membership, my one on one coaching, my group coaching.
Those are the kind of things that we're working together on. How to lose weight, of course, but how to love yourself so completely as you do it. It rewires you. It rewires your entire brain and I even am continuing to like rewire my own self. So as I am Moving into more of the self love, the, the positive body, the appreciation for my own body.
My why for losing weight has changed. It's no longer about what I think I'm supposed to look like or what I'm supposed to weigh. So, with that, we talked a little bit about this. So the first phase is normalizing your body. So, [00:11:00] normalize your body. Are you feeling a little uncomfortable right now? Are you thinking like, my body is not normal, my body is not good, it's not right, she doesn't see me through this camera, she does not know.
If she knew, then she would tell me my body is not normal. And I'm telling you, your body is normal. It's 100 percent normal. As I said, social media and marketing, those things are telling you what they think you're supposed to look like. Who says so? right? And so I don't go real in depth with my beliefs, but I believe that we were all made perfect.
We were made exactly as we were supposed to be. That doesn't mean you can't like change your clothes or change your look, but change my hair color, cut my hair. I'm not saying like we're needing to like let everything just be all natural all the time, but nothing is wrong with any part of you. Nothing's wrong with your personality.[00:12:00]
Nothing is wrong with you Being an overeater. Now listen to this 'cause this is different. Nothing's wrong with you being an overeater. Overeating causes some results that you don't want. So there might be something that you don't want from overeating, but it does not make you as a person, as a human.
Wrong unworthy, unvaluable, okay? You a hundred percent are worthy and valuable because you exist. Get that? You exist, and so you are a hundred percent worthy and valuable. It has nothing to do with whether or not another person agrees. It has nothing to do with what people say or what our society thinks.
It's a hundred percent. You live. You are worthy and valuable. You are perfect as you are. With that being said, what are you listening to? Are you, um, subscribed [00:13:00] to, like, the fitness queen as you're sitting on the couch eating chips, looking at her thinking, that's what I'm supposed to be like. I'm supposed to be doing all these things.
I'm supposed to have the yoga pants that show all the stuff, right? Girl, you are perfect exactly as you are. Love yourself exactly as you are. So. Do we need to clean up some social media? Do we need to like, decide that that is one person and what they think and that maybe they're still buying into what the social media, the marketing hype and everything is telling them to.
They're trying to do what they think you want to see to get attention for whatever. Maybe nothing's wrong with a thin person. Nothing's wrong with a with a curvier person either and so I'm gonna I'm gonna scroll off. I know a bunch today. I Just saw okay. I'm gonna give a little shout out So if you've ever [00:14:00] wanted to be a runner and you're a curvy girl Jill Angie Has, uh, Not Your Average Runner.
She has a podcast, a website, she coaches people, she helps all body sizes be runners. So she works, and she doesn't mind using the word fat. Like, she will be like, I'm a fat girl, and she tells you what kind of bra to get, what kind of pants to get, so you don't get like a Fire burning in your, in your thighs.
And so she helps people like, well, what about my knees? What about my weight? What about all the things she helps people amazingly helps people. But my favorite part is that she builds so much confidence into the people that she works with, that she a hundred percent builds them up. And they're empowered confidently to try things and keep doing things.
She's like, if you ran two steps, you are a runner. Not that it has to be some achievable goal. She recently posted, well, she didn't have to post [00:15:00] because someone posted on her page. That, uh, like, good luck with that and, like, you're not, like, doing a service to anybody by being a, um, fat runner, you can't, like, that's a, um, which, I think they called it an oxymoron, that you cannot be a fat coach and, and promote running, like, they don't go hand in hand, and that person can't Like, you have to understand, when people say these kind of things, they're perpetuating this thought of what can and cannot be.
She has runners. She has already shown that you can be any size and be a runner. And so, for someone to come on, like, people are always gonna put hate out there, and like, they're, especially now that we have social media, you can just put whatever you want and not have to be, like, Any recourse but like watch what you're listening to watch what you're hearing because There's people out there like Jill, Angie, you can follow her [00:16:00] and get super motivated.
See actual people. I talked at the beginning about the Dove commercials. I love Dove products, and so it was not a far reach for me to be listening when the Dove commercial started coming out. About all body types and all body like love your body at all sizes, beauty at beauty, at all, all sizes. And so like feed yourself.
What you want to be fed as far as your marketing and your advertising. And it's not that you're not going to, you know, you can't be blinders on all the time, you're going to hear it. But when your day to day is. Hearing and, and seeing the things that are body normal. So like all shapes and sizes, all textures of skin, skin colors, you know, pimples and cellulite and rolls and, you know, um, trendy hairstyles and not.
And all the different colors, like whatever it is, like we are, we are a human race [00:17:00] and we have so many colors of the rainbow as far as all different shapes, sizes, and things. Make that normal. Praise it, right? Praise it. So make sure what you're following, what you're listening to, what's feeding you, is what you want to be fed.
And stop. Stop. Like, unfollow. Stop listening whenever you hear something else. You can know, like, they just don't know yet. That's not what I want to be fed. So, um, I'm going to share a story with you. And this is, it gets embarrassing, but like, I need to share it because Um, I don't want you to have shame like I had shame with this and so when I first was losing weight I was so hyper focused on losing weight.
I was so aware My awareness was on hyper drive all the time. The awareness was hyper focused on my body. And then it became on everyone else's [00:18:00] body and what was unacceptable. I am hearing myself walk through life judging other people's bodies. That was the biggest wake up call. I could not normalize my own body.
because I had all these thoughts in my head and I was just thinking like this is just normal. But whenever I started realizing I was putting all of my thoughts about myself onto other people because I was so aware of my body as I was trying to begin weight loss, this is normal. Don't beat yourself up because I beat myself up terribly with it.
But what was happening was it was just that's what was on my mind And so I started seeing it and it was the best worst thing that could happen You know how that goes as I noticed what I was thinking about other people's bodies or I was thinking about like Relationship couplings. I I just did an interview.
Uh Earlier this week [00:19:00] and she's the curvy girl dating coach and we were talking about this same story And I was saying like, I would be like, well, that girl is not thin enough to be with that hot guy. And in my head, I was saying these things. I never said them to anybody else. But I would say that about people's bodies and about relationship couplings and things like that because I couldn't move past thinking that like I had to be a certain way to be acceptable.
And so for me, I And that was the perfect thing because I did not like how I was thinking about other people. It was very uncomfortable for me because I, I, I'm usually the person who's like, stop talking that way. You're my friend and you cannot talk that way to my friend. Even though they're talking about themselves.
And so as I realized I was doing that judging about other people, I was feeling very guilty about it. And they didn't even know anything about this, but I was feeling guilty about it. So I decided [00:20:00] I am going to start looking for the differences that make them even more special. And so, um, Sometimes it was, you know, like, I love the way this one curl went on somebody's forehead, or they had this cute freckle, or I loved the way that they got one certain dimple when they grinned at something that was really funny, and they were trying not to grin.
There were so many things that made people special. I loved people's style. I loved, um, I loved, like, My favorite thing, it, and I, I like a couple tattoos, I have to say, but I love how un, um, tattooed, like just completely blemish free skin looks. I love the curve of someone's, uh, hip. And so like curvy girls with that hip, like there's just, and especially guys, um, like the muscular hip there.
Like there's something about it that's [00:21:00] just very, very beautiful. Um, I started noticing how people's personalities came out, uh, at different times and how it would look on their face, how their body language would change as they were feeling different things. And I thought that became beautiful. I was normalizing bodies and it started outside of myself.
So with my coaching clients, I. I tell them how to figure out how to live in gratitude, looking outside of themselves for things to be grateful for so that then they can bring it within. So that's what I wanted to share with you. It's very normal. I felt very guilty. Do not feel guilty. Just understand it's it's coming out of your hyper focus, your hyper awareness of your own things and you're projecting them.
So that is what I wanted to share with you because if I felt that way so strongly, I am imagining that you might notice some of it too. Um, I did not thankfully say anything to other people, but, um, It did help me understand that [00:22:00] weight loss was not something I wanted to continue complimenting. And so, um, when I would compliment somebody's weight loss, they, uh, would hear it as I needed to lose weight or like they needed to lose weight.
I, if I compliment somebody and someone else hears, or I get a compliment on weight loss and someone else hears, they think, well, maybe I should be thinner or, um, it just doesn't allow for difference. And so, um, I've learned to compliment other things and really leave the weight loss side of compliments alone.
And so, um, Even within weight loss, there's so many things to compliment, like how they're figuring out things or how they're gaining strength over their emotions and managing, you know, you're not, you're not emotionally overeating. You're managing your emotions or you're really showing confidence now.[00:23:00]
And there's so many things in that that. You truly can compliment without having to compliment the weight loss itself. So I said this was this is like my heart and my mind trying to square up because I want to make sure that you're not just losing weight that you are building that self esteem that confidence that positivity too and so We're gonna keep, keep marrying these up and making sure they align.
The second step, phase two, so you gotta move into acceptance. So after you start normalizing your body and others, you will start to work towards accepting your body. So you realize there are so many different types, and it's fine to have a preference. But, accept your body. Accept all bodies. And so my mentor will say, like, she doesn't like her arms or she didn't like her legs, [00:24:00] but, um, she liked other things.
Then, then she was like, now I love my arms, but I don't like my thighs. And so you can say that as like a normalized body, like noticing differences in it. And. The difference is going to be how you feel when you say it. Do you just understand like, I have curly hair, you might have straight and you have a preference?
Is it that you have shame and guilt when you say those kind of things? So if you're looking at a picture or you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're like, My stomach is rolled over my pants. Well, first of all, girl, do you need bigger pants? Wear a size pant that fits you and maybe you won't have it rolling over your pants.
I want to say that first because you deserve pants that fit you. So many people try to shove themselves in pants that don't and then Feel terrible all day. I would feel terrible if I was wearing someone else's wrong size clothes, [00:25:00] too but Like this is your body clothed the way it needs to be clothed the way that you feel comfortable in your clothes it doesn't need to be a shaming effort there, but Accept that your body is whatever size it is and buy clothes that fit it Accept that Maybe you have dry patches.
Maybe you have psoriasis, right? It's not a problem for you as a person except your body. Like, this is my body. I can be completely understanding that this is my body and there's nothing wrong with it. That one, if you Just pause there when I said, and nothing's wrong with your body. Go back to the first phase.
Normalize all bodies. There's nothing wrong with your body. It's completely perfect as it is. So, um, This is what I want. This is the one that's on my heart today. So, so, so on my heart. So I have a friend. [00:26:00] They have a special event. They tried on some clothes and they had all these thoughts. Very, very critical thoughts about the outfit that, um, they were anticipating wearing for the special event and They asked to talk to me.
So, you know, of course, are we coaching? Are we friends? Like what are we doing? and so it was a coaching thing and My friend looked at this picture of themselves and all they could think of was they hadn't lost weight like they planned on they weren't gonna, you know, they were gonna embarrass themselves or their friend at this event and My heart is breaking, but I'm trying to hold that space.
That's what coaching is like. You hold space even when you want to just like hug your friend. Um, so my clients tell me this kind of stuff too, and I'm just holding it. Like where, where did that come from? Well, grandma used to say, whatever my step mom used to say, whatever. Okay. So why are you believing it?
Like [00:27:00] your grandma said things your stepmom said things, you know If if we needed to we could probably coach even further back on why did grandma say it? Why did your stepmom say it probably some insecurities about how they grew up about body Body positivity was not a thing back then like Women's worth used to be in what they look like.
We, and the whole patriarchal society thing, like those are taglines I'm sure you've heard, but women used to be complimented on if they could keep They're man interested by keeping their shape as Attractive as possible and that was that was part of just like keeping the house keeping the kids and Keeping yourself so that you're always appealing to your man And if you gage then well, it was your fault.
He started to stray That is terrible thinking and you [00:28:00] are 100 percent amazing no matter what your waistline number is. Okay. So grandma probably grew up thinking that that was ingrained in her head or your step mom or whoever. So those are things that we can come up with. Where did that come from for them?
But the thing is my friend's an adult now, why are you believing this? And so as we began talking, I'm like, well, You know, you can always talk about, like, why you hated yourself in that outfit, but that's not gonna do you, do you any good. It's like, why is that outfit a problem? Why is whatever your weight number is a problem?
What, your waist measurement, why is that a problem? And so, if you're noticing that you want to lose weight, To avoid shame, to avoid guilt, to avoid what other people are saying. Those are things we need to coach and clean up. And so, when you truly accept your body, you [00:29:00] can still lose weight. And this is the part about me saying my, my heart and my brain need to marry up.
Because if you want to lose weight, I want to help you lose weight. I'm a weight loss coach. But I want to do it in a way that you're 100 percent loving yourself along the way. And so, if you're Reason for losing weight creates shame and guilt because you should have and all of these things. That's not a clean place.
And so, you're not going to be able to maintain weight loss with that kind of a why for weight loss. After talking to this friend, like, their husband had some medical issues. She wants to make sure she's able to, like, physically, Lift or help her husband if, um, need, need be. She wants to be able to play with the kid.
She wants to be able to, you know, not have back pain. Those are all very clear, clean reasons for wanting to lose weight. Because you're not worthy unless you lose weight that needs to be coached [00:30:00] on that's not a clean reason And so it's still a reason which is a hundred percent why coaching is amazing for that.
But that kind of thing is Um what we work with we want to make sure that you're coming from a place of love as you move into weight loss not into Guilt and shame and belittlement and all the things that society or parents or grandparents might have put on you That it's a clean place and as you come from a place of love You will be able to lose weight so much faster when you come from guilt and shame you're Beating yourself into submission of what you think because you're not good enough.
And, and there's so much shame into that. And so that's the part that we 100 percent have to clean up. And that's what coaching helps with. So the next phase, I feel like I'm getting all squirrely on you guys today. The next phase, phase three is to appreciate. So we went from normalizing, we went to accepting, and now we're going to appreciate.[00:31:00]
And so with some people that I work with sometimes appreciate. It comes first before accepting it just kind of different, but they're different phases. There's no like written rule that these are what you have to go through. It just helps you kind of figure out how to do this. So appreciate, find something that you like, even if you start with.
The functions that your body does like I have a very strong frame. It holds me throughout the whole day or You know, my heart pumps beautifully. I don't even have to think about it. The blood just comes through my body And then start kind of working on just being thankful for all things speak gratitude Often and so as you speak gratitude often you're gonna realize that you've been You're open.
It becomes the language that you've used. When you're not used to saying those words, you don't know how to speak that kind of a language. So, speak it often. I would start like with, oh my hair, and I have [00:32:00] curls. So, you know, we're just gonna be honest. No two days look exactly the same, but they have a mind of their own, but Like, I, I like that it's curly.
I like that it's kind of low maintenance. I love that my eyes look almost turquoise in certain lights. I love, um, I love my deltoid muscles whenever we do certain lifts at the gym and like, I move through a range of motion, it pops out and it looks like all this definition. I love that In close, my stomach is looking, um, so much smoother.
A lot of that has to do with, um, that I'm very focused on, not very, but I'm more focused on not eating bloating foods because my weight has not changed at all. So with my weight lifting and the bloating foods, it's changing. And I, I like the look of my belly. I love that my belly is not bloated and I don't feel miserable.
I don't have as much pain as I used to have. [00:33:00] So I can speak a lot of gratitude and feel really good about it. Um, kind of think of your body. So when I say that I want you to love yourself, I want you to love yourself at all sizes. And if you have moved into more weight loss and you're hearing this, you might look at that, that size of you from previous and, um, and have shame about who that was.
And you almost feel disconnected. Of who you were and she was you because you would not be you today without her so learning to appreciate her learning to appreciate her strength and her tenacity to keep trying and To learn to love when she wasn't loving herself in the moment. Like that's what I'm I'm um, I'm imagining I want you to be able to look at her as Just as [00:34:00] if you were growing up.
You know when you look at your baby pictures, you don't necessarily feel like you're a baby anymore, but you totally identify that that was you. Or you look at yourself when you were a little girl and you lost your front teeth, and you were like, oh look at that, and it's so cute, and when you had a pimple, or when you had whatever, and you're not emotionally tied to that version of you being wrong.
It's just It's just time. And so some of that becomes hard. We are conditioned to see that we should not age. We should be coloring our hair. We should be getting facelifts. And we should have all the mommy makeover plastic surgery. And I'm not criticizing any of that. If you want it and you feel fine with it, then do it.
But you don't need it. You don't have to have it. You're already great. Think of it like that. Like it's just the aging progression, you know, like that was a phase in my life. Or, you know, maybe when you were in school you were athletic and you [00:35:00] had muscles and you had all the things that you're not athletic now.
So you don't, um, it's just progressions of life, not. A good time versus a bad time, not any of that. Okay, so, as you go from normalizing your body, all bodies, accepting body, appreciating your body, and I had to start with appreciating other people's body, you're going to move into love. And so, you could kind of hear as I was talking about how I had learned to appreciate my body and find that gratitude for my body.
My language started changing. You, I'm sure you heard me saying it differently. Like I love my eyes. I love my hair. I love my curves. I love, um, a birthmark. I love a lot of things about my body. I love my strength. And now I'm able to talk about my body, not just in function and what it can do, but I can talk about it in appearance too.
And it's the whole thing. So whether you start with like picking apart what you do like, [00:36:00] whatever it is. Just start loving it. Like, when you know it's normal, you 100 percent accept it. You can just love it. There's nothing wrong with it. Um, you know, one person might be a stronger athlete or not. That doesn't make another athlete a worse athlete.
It just makes them different. And so when you are noticing differences that are just different and it doesn't cause shame or guilt or less than type feelings, Then it's just a difference. It's not a comparison that creates that, um, lack in you. So, um, learning to love yourself, how do you do that? Right? So we kind of talked about the different ways and how, um, I sprinkled in how I was doing it along the way.
You're going to practice intentional self care, self love daily. So when you think it, you, uh, and you might've had it, as I said things today, you notice that like your [00:37:00] heart stopped and be like, well, that might be what you think, but I'm not there. Just notice that. Like, it's a, I'm a work in progress, you know?
And sometimes those thoughts for me even come back up again, and I'll be like, whew, that, that mean girl is gone. We don't talk about ourselves like that anymore, like. You're just tired. You know, that old, that commercial with Betty White, um, you need a Snickers bar, you're, you're, um, mean when you're hangry or something.
I don't remember exactly what the words were, but like, I think of it like that. When I'm just having a bad day, maybe I'm just a little mean to myself, and I just realize like, no, no, no, no, that's not how we do it. So you think, you start changing your thoughts. Um, you speak it. So I talked about how I was talking about myself.
And then you start feeling it. So that, that appreciation, that love, you start feeling it. And then you really start believing it. And how I knew I was believing it was I was no longer judging other people's body. I 100 percent believed that my [00:38:00] body was great. I 100 percent believed that their body was great.
And I would. be really quick to defend their body and my friend against themselves. And so with that, uh, you just stop speaking ill of. What and who you are, you, you begin loving yourself. And so with that, you're, you're accepting that some things are more of your favorite and some things are not, but you, as you accept all of you, you can love all of it.
Um, I always like to think about. with children. There's parts of them. You don't love dirty diapers. You do not love sassy teenagers, but it's all part of it and you accept all of it. And so as you think that way, like it doesn't have to be all 100 percent lovely, but it can be loving. And so, um, just. When you do notice that you're speaking to yourself, [00:39:00] harshly think of yourself like a small child.
So some people, um, some coaches, some, um, different people that, uh, I learned from, they have a picture of themselves as a small child, or even some of them as the, like, um, the mentor I'm thinking of, she has a picture of herself as, uh, her teenage years when she thought she was heavier and she really didn't.
a lot of her ideals of, um, not liking herself and her body. And so, um, that way, you know, she stopped the bullying, stopped when she left school, but in the beginning she did it to herself. So knowing like I am here to protect that child version of me, that teenage version of me. And I, I'm here to protect this version of me too.
So as you think of a small child and how you would allow them to be talked to, you wouldn't let someone come up and be [00:40:00] like, well, you're cute, but you're super huge. You're not going to say that. And you're not going to hear it. You're not going to let people say that to that child because you care so much for that child.
And you're gonna start caring that much for yourself. So practicing that self care, that, that self love daily. Um, there's a picture of me. I use it sometimes in marketing because it, it just fires up so much emotion for me. And it's a picture of me with a tape measure around my waist. And that was when I was really practicing self love so hard.
And I realized I was still saying things that were not loving or kind to myself. And so anytime I did, I was trying to change the story. I would say two things that I loved about myself. Anytime I said something I didn't love that particular time, I wasn't. Getting changes in the scale. I was still very much motivated by what the scale said, which is [00:41:00] why I coach.
We do not get all of our wins from a scale. It's just a number that represents something that particular moment, not the entirety of what your efforts are. And so the scale is just one thing, but. My brain just squirreled. Yes. So the measuring tape that particular day I wasn't feeling confident in what I was doing So some of those old thoughts started coming in again, and I was like no, no No, you have to have two things to counteract the one thing You've just said negatively about yourself And so as I did that was a particularly hard day because I wasn't feeling particularly positive about myself and I put that tape measure around me Um, because I had just taken my measurements that day and I realized my original waist measurement versus what I was, how much I had accomplished.
And [00:42:00] so I had all kinds of loving thoughts about myself then, like I am strong and I am able and I'm willing and I am trying and I'm doing hard things and figuring out how to make them simple. And I had that. That tape measure was so much air between the me and the tape and I was like, I, I, I instantly became proud of myself and how far I had gone and all the thoughts about how it wasn't good enough and it wasn't working.
I was forgetting all that did work and all that I had done and how much I did care for myself. And so making sure that you're intentionally doing the self care, the self love, um, and when you take care of yourself, you, it goes in other areas. So it's not just massages and getting your nails done, but sometimes it's saying no to people.
Sometimes it's making sure that you Washed your face before bed so that you're taking the best care of your skin or that you take the extra couple minutes to put lotion on your body every day or [00:43:00] that you're not eating just junk because you're taking the best care of yourself and you know what it feels like when you eat that Um, and you want to make sure you feel good I talked about how my stomach is getting flatter and flatter and my weight's not really going down What i'm eating is is starting to change So if you just stay with where you're at, you're gonna just get what you've been getting and so more body image issues and they compound because like I said in the beginning you cope with food and as you are Coping with food from being upset and shamed with your body.
You just add more weight It just creates more and more of that Creates more disordered eating. That's what that is. When you're eating emotionally, it's disordered eating. So you're eating when you're not even hungry. It's disordered. That's that word for that. Disordered eating, emotional eating, overeating, and you're gonna keep [00:44:00] lowering your self esteem.
And you'll never, never feel truly okay in your skin if you're not speaking love to yourself and finding that. So, with coaching, like, you normalize your body. You learn to love it and appreciate it. You learn to accept all body types. And with that, from that place, weight loss happens. That you can maintain forever.
Because nothing was wrong with you in the beginning. Anything you do is just Maybe for health or maybe just for movement. The friend that I was talking about that had the outfit that she tried on and her why began changing. Her why became more about health and movement, about strength. She completely lit up.
When we were talking about maybe her new why so her old why was that she was supposed to her old why was something that people had told her that society told her she was [00:45:00] supposed to want and when we talked. There was a glimmer that really nothing was wrong with her body, unless she thought it was. And she was only thinking it was because of what she thought she was supposed to be doing, which was losing weight.
She was supposed to look a certain way. When we talked about Is there any reason why you would still want to lose weight if nothing was wrong with you now? And it was all about her health and her strength, her movement, um, pain, things like that. And so that was her new reasons to lose weight. And so with that being her new reason, she was still super excited to start lifting weights again to be able to do that.
She said she used to lift weights and she felt very strong, which I'm a weightlifter. So I truly understand that. I feel very strong when I do that. You don't have to be a weightlifter, but that was the thing she mentioned. And of course, you know, it struck a chord with me cause that's my thing too. But she learned new wise and her new wise [00:46:00] have actual results that aren't going to make her feel shame if she doesn't hit them.
She's going to feel super amazing when she does, but she knows why she wants to do it now. She wants to be able to help with her husband. She wants to be able to lift her kid on her back and give a, you know, What do they call it? Piggyback ride, horseyback ride, something without pain in her back. She wants, she wants to be able to move and not have that pain or restriction and, and feel strong.
And those things she'll be able to do with her eating and with her strengthening and they will bring her joy and happiness and um, not guilt and shame. So it's completely different. I love it. I love it. I love it. That's why I'm like, I want each person to lose weight that wants it, but I want them to do it loving a hundred percent themselves.
I'm so impassioned right now about this. I'm trying so hard to just keep myself settled. So there's all that self love. Um, like I said, [00:47:00] uh, all of that, the love and, uh, the mental and physical and all that and the weight loss that you want. So if you choose to lose weight, I will help you do it in a way that you can feel great about yourself.
That's bottom line. I want you to learn to appreciate your body at every size, at every shape. Remember your body will change as you age. We talked about that. And that, uh, that is the goal. To continue living and body changing comes with that. I teach you to see it as a beautiful thing and not to try to run from it or, uh, Stop it.
So are you tired of wishing you had a different body? Are you unable right now to say that my body is so beautiful, I am so perfect. I want to help you stop bullying yourself and see the beauty. If you are being bullied by someone else and what they're thinking, I still want to help that. I want that to not [00:48:00] be your narrative that you say, I want to help you find another way.
You can be motivated out of love and not have to be motivated at all out of shame and guilt. There's no restriction, no deprivation. We are motivated from love and celebration. The excitement of it. I'm a little spazzy sometimes, so if you haven't noticed, that's the kind of stuff that motivates me. Love and compassion definitely do.
I can show you how you can love and appreciate your body at every size and be just as loving if you want to change it. If you wanna, if you wanna lose weight, I can help you with that. So, what I want you to do I would love to talk with you. I want to talk with every single person. If you're ready to talk with me about getting started with your next steps in weight loss, um, you can go to the link in the show notes or on this bio page and book a time to talk with me.
I would love to do that. I want to get you set on the path to be able to lovingly lose [00:49:00] weight if that's what you want to do. And if you need a little bit more information, there's lots of really great resources. There's a quiz that helps you figure out the overeating, where that's at and why. There is a five day free course to get you started, um, doing a few of the habits.
And the thing that coaching helps with is anything that prevents you from doing those habits that comes up. That's part of coaching too. So it's a great place to get started with the how to lose weight. And then I work with everything that sabotages it. So, that is what I've got for you today. So, coachingkara.
com forward slash linktree is where you will find all those great links. And I would love to talk with you. I'll see you next week. Bye. Thank you for listening to the concierge weight loss podcast. Like what you heard today, leave a review or share with a friend and check out the next step quiz, where you'll find what has held you back from lasting weight loss and what to do next.
You will [00:50:00] find the link to this and many other helpful podcasts and videos in the show notes. I can't wait to see you there.
