2023 - 4:5 Mistakes Public Podcast
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[00:00:00] Good morning! If you're just joining for the first time or if you're back again, this is a live recording that does go to a podcast. So you're welcome to join me every Wednesday morning at 9 a. m Eastern Standard Time and be a part of the podcast. You'll get to ask questions and get any information that you want while I'm on live.
I do this on Facebook and Instagram. So whichever is your preference. I am Kara Hackleman. I am a certified life and weight loss coach, and I am the owner of Concierge Weight Loss. I help women, probably just like you lose weight for the last time. So that you can get past all of your own self sabotaging, that perfectionism that we like to do, or thinking things are too hard, all that kind of stuff.
So today we're gonna talk about appreciating mistakes. It sounds like a funny combo together, doesn't it? Appreciating mistakes. [00:01:00] But when you really learn to appreciate a mistake, It sets so much in motion for you. So typically what happens is we make a mistake during weight loss and we are terrible when we make mistakes, right?
We think that it's the end of the world. This is too hard. It's, I just can't do this. I'm not capable of it. Um, it's taking too long. Whatever it is, it's all self imposed. We've made a mistake, and we make it mean something, right? We make it mean that we just cannot do this anymore. It's too hard. We make it mean that Um, that we're not capable or that I'm not smart enough or I'm not motivated enough.
That's what I hear all the time. I just need to find some motivation. And so when you make a mistake, what it's doing is in your head, you're thinking, Oh, this is just more proof that I don't have what it takes to lose weight. I [00:02:00] was there when I started losing weight. I remember that and I and I've talked about this before.
Like I just had like. Oh, like a mustard seed of hope left. That's all I had because I had convinced myself it just wasn't in the cards for me. I had tried every diet plan. I tried everything and I couldn't figure it out. Um, I thought I better just learn how to be happy being that larger size and move past this.
And I tried life coaching just as like. a last ditch effort like so that I could brag that I had tried everything and it wasn't going to work for me. But, ha ha, it did. So that's what I want to help you with. Alrighty, so this morning, um, let's identify what some mistakes are. Common mistakes in weight loss might look like not writing a plan, or not following a plan.
And there's all kinds of reasons why we do that, but that might be one of the mistakes you're having. Um, [00:03:00] not writing a plan, so not even starting with what you decided you're going to have, or not following it if you didn't. Um, it might be skipping meals. This one happens quite often too. We're real go getters.
Most of the women that I work with are high achievers. You are amazing in almost every other area and weight loss just hasn't been one of them or not for long term. And so typically what I'll hear is I'm gonna, uh, now that intermittent fasting is so popular, I'm gonna skip all of my breakfast and lunch and just have dinner.
Um, and this is like a self imposed kind of thing. It's not, um, a tool. Like. Intermittent fasting can be used as a tool. I teach the hunger scale and so intermittent fasting could be part of that, but people are not using it in a helpful manner. They're skipping meals, restricting foods to lose quicker [00:04:00] and really like beat themselves into submission, I guess.
Um, sometimes you might make a mistake, um, when life happens, right? So life happens and your coping mechanism thus far has been to overeat. So you're overeating to deal with life. Uh, you're giving up or starting over tomorrow. That one happens all the time. People are like, Oh, I've made a mistake. I'll just start over tomorrow.
And they never string together. all of the successes. They just keep giving up and starting tomorrow, which reiterates in our brain that if we make a mistake, we have to start over instead of. the mistake is appreciated and part of the plan, right? Staying up late and watching Netflix or whatever TV show instead of going to sleep.
So maybe you were focusing on water or sleep and that just didn't happen either. So those are all super common problems in, um, weight loss [00:05:00] journeys. Those are mistakes that people make. Um, I teach, I'm a weight loss coach, so I'm gonna coach you. I'm, um, gonna help you figure out the why for each of those issues, each of those problems.
Other diets tell you what not to do. They say, just don't do that, don't, don't do that, and then you'll be losing weight. But if you're doing it, why are you doing it? That's the part we need to know. If you know why you're doing those things, You're not going to be as likely to do them. You're going to figure out a solution for why you were doing it in the first place.
Sometimes even just awareness. I don't know, so like you know how they talk about the terrible twos and little kids that walk around. Why? Why? Why? Why? That has been me my entire life. If you want, especially if I'm in a group atmosphere, if you want me to do what you tell me to do, I need to know why I'm doing it.
As soon as I know why I have enough buy in, I [00:06:00] am golden. I will carry it forward for you, but I need to know why we're doing it. So the same thing with weight loss. If I know why I'm doing something, I'm going to be so much more motivated to either stop doing it, do something different. All kinds of things like that.
But if I don't even know why I'm doing it, then it's like, yep, see more proof. I'm messing up. I just, I'm not capable. I can't do it. But the why the why is so key. And that's what weight loss coaching gives you. So, um, I help you keep going. I don't have you stop. and have to start again tomorrow or on Monday.
I help you manage your expectations. I talked about how some people do the fasting, but not in a healthy way, or they restrict foods. And when you're managing your expectations, you figure out how to have everything and the weight loss. You figure out how to balance it all together. It's managing the [00:07:00] expectations.
And I help with that in weight loss. Um, and I provide support. I provide accountability. Um, all of those things, that is what weight loss coaching is. People come and they bring all kinds of stuff. And it all helps with your weight loss journey. Okay, so let's get started today with Let's understand what a mistake is.
So, um, I talked about in the beginning some of the mistakes that are pretty common. Whew! I don't know if you could hear that, but we have some serious thunder outside. Alright, so, um, understanding what a mistake is. And I talked about the, um, common mistakes that are made in weight loss in your journey.
But basically a mistake is just anything that you said you wanted to do a certain way and you didn't do it. Something you think that doing this is moving you away from your goal. So what I want to talk to you about today is how to make a mistake and have it [00:08:00] push you even like warp speed closer to your goal.
If you can mistake be so important that it pushes you closer to your goal. You're not going to be afraid to make the mistakes. You're going to accept that you are human and make mistakes and you'll learn from those mistakes. I want to remind you that making mistakes, is a huge success in its own because that shows that you have a willingness to try.
If you're trying and you keep trying, eventually some of those things are going to work, right? So the willingness to try is there by you making mistakes. It just shows it. The more mistakes you make, the more things you're learning. And the more things you're learning, you're going to try them again differently the next time.
And Eventually some of it has to work, right? And the parts that don't we realize Let's just get rid of those and, and focus on the things that are working, keep moving ourselves [00:09:00] forward. And none of that would have been possible if you hadn't made a mistake for you to be able to learn from it. So with, with the coaching part of it, the big part is not just me saying, follow these rules.
Cause I have very simple rules. We talk about our basics all the time. And the basic rules are make a plan, water and sleep. And focus on, only, not focus, but only eat when you're hungry. That is the basics of what I teach. Everything else is to get you to be able to do those four things. When you do those four things, you for sure lose weight.
You're not overeating. You're taking care of yourself. Everything else is what I work with you on, that's preventing you from doing those four things. So, gotta work on our mindset. If you haven't heard that word, it's your thoughts. Your thoughts and your feelings, what you're believing. And so as we work on that, [00:10:00] you're able to do those four basics.
You're able to stay in those four basics. basics and keep doing them. Everything else is what prevents you from doing it and that's the stuff I help you with. I support you. I motivate you. Keep you moving in that direction and not let you get hard on yourself. Not let you like take this to mean that something is wrong with you or any of that kind of thing.
All right, so with this hair, I got my hair done yesterday and she didn't put my curls in it. She said, She's, uh, she's like, next time you wash it, they'll go right back in. So it's very silky and it is a little bit different than I'm used to. It's pretty. I like it, but it's very different. Alrighty. So changing your mindset, I'll, I'll, I'll scroll back on to where we're supposed to be.
Changing your mindset. And so as you change your mindset, you're shifting your focus from perfectionism to progress and perfectionism. It kind of, to some people, is a triggering [00:11:00] word. It sounds a little harsh, right? Perfectionism means that you think that there is a very specific right and wrong way to do it, that even many times when people have the beliefs of perfectionism, you're thinking that if you're not doing it well, If you're not doing it right, air quotes if you're listening to this on podcast later, right, then it's, it's not correct.
It's not worth doing. You're not right. You're not making progress. It's all wrong. There is no perfectionism. As I'm telling you, you are human and humans make mistakes. So not allowing yourself To be human puts so much pressure just from, from that. You are human and humans make mistakes. It is okay for you, as a human, to continue making mistakes.
And yes, I've had this whole thought in myself that, like, well, if I [00:12:00] make mistakes and I don't get my, this was something I worked with, with a coach, so I'll talk about this for a second. If I, I had this thought, and I'm, I'm, in case you're starting here, I want to make sure you hear me say, this is not. My end thought, but this is what I was thinking at one point, if I did not feel guilt and shame for when I made mistakes, then what was going to keep me from continuing to make mistakes?
And so I had gotten so driven by guilt and shame that I wanted to avoid it at all costs. So I would try really hard. I would put so much effort into not making mistakes to not feel guilt and shame. That did not work for me in the longterm. What happens is at some point it feels very heavy and it feels very painful and it's self inflicted.
And so with all of that, it would create even more guilt and shame to the point [00:13:00] where then I would need to eat because I felt so guilty, so much shame, because the only coping mechanism I used to know was to eat. And so it was just this, Huge rabbit hole, a whole cycle that kept going and going. And so when I stopped looking that mistakes were a problem, I didn't have to feel guilt or shame over them anymore.
When I started thinking that mistakes are human, like I'm a hundred percent human and I make mistakes. I care. So I'm. here and willing and maybe sometimes even more so than a different person, but I am willing to figure it out. And so instead of it having to be right or correct, I have this curiosity in me to figure it out.
I have tenacity to figure it out. And that is what drives me not. perfection. And so not making a [00:14:00] mistake is not in there anymore. And so I have learned that when I shifted from not making a mistake to just doing as much as I could, or doing it again, or trying it again, and that willingness that I had, that curiosity I had, that drives me to keep trying.
not having to have it be correct or perfect, no mistakes. So when you shift that mindset from perfection to progress, you're going to start looking. You're going to look for where are my examples for what I could try differently? Where are my examples for what I want to know? I don't want to do that part ever again.
Or this little part might have worked if I did it just a little bit different this next time. And so as I learn from my mistakes, It became so much more progress than mistakes with perfection ever could have been. I made progress because I was curious and I [00:15:00] knew I had the tenacity. If I have that, I can go, I'm capable of hard things, but not everything needs to be hard, right?
I am able to keep going and that's how I make progress. So, I've learned to embrace Imperfection. I know that sounds strange from a recovering perfectionist, but I have learned to embrace the mistake Imperfection and not let it mean anything about me. I've actually flipped it If you haven't heard me say this I have flipped it and it it shows that I am Super super willing I am super able I am so I am just a A bad mirror jammer who can do hard things right and it's not about perfection.
I I succeed in the imperfection. So in overcoming the mistakes, I have learned that I understand my patterns. I [00:16:00] understand what my triggers are. Um, I, I know those things. So as something's coming up, um, I am looking ahead. to see what might be a trigger or might fall into an old pattern. I'll tell you, after you've started working in some of this, and this is the exact stuff I do with my weight loss coaching clients, uh, my, uh, clients here.
So, as we're figuring out what your specific triggers are, we make a game plan, a strategy to avoid those triggers, those patterns. And it doesn't mean that if they happen, We did not succeed. What it means is that we need a different strategy. That's what it means. And so we're developing strategies so that before you even get there, because we kind of know what our triggers are, we know what our patterns are, we're gonna figure out how to maybe set ourself up so that it doesn't trigger us.
Sometimes going into it and knowing it's like have you ever been in a haunted house and you know [00:17:00] That that's a dark corner, and so someone's probably hiding in there. And so it doesn't scare you because you're already anticipating that there's somebody hiding in there. Same kind of thing. I know that I'm triggered by, and so I go ahead and anticipate that it's gonna happen.
I'm already on the lookout for that. for that, you know, clown to jump out at me, I already know it's probably going to happen. So I've already experienced it just by thinking through that it might happen, that it probably is likely to happen. So I make a game plan for preventing, right? So avoiding those triggers, those patterns, those future mistakes, right?
Air quotes again there. So, um, and I make a game plan for when the mistakes happen. So I make the plan for preventing them, and I go ahead and just make the game plan as if it happened. What am I wanting to do? How am I wanting to pivot? What do I want to think or do or what's the next thing, right? [00:18:00] So I stay motivated.
I totally stay motivated because I am so curious. I'm figuring it out. It's a puzzle for me to figure out. I love it. It's a completely different kind of motivation. The other part is I don't look anymore at the end goal. as my entire result. I know that any kind of a journey, whether it's a vacation, you know, you're buying the tickets, you're making a plan, you're even thinking about what you might want to do.
You're seeing what your options are. There are so many steps before you even get to the vacation and really the journey is the entire part of it. Okay, and so some of it is so exciting to figure out what you want to do on vacation and you haven't even taken the vacation. A lot of times I'll just plan things, not even having a date in mind that I'm planning for, but just what's the next thing I would like to do whenever I'm ready to, right?
And so I get all excited. Well, in weight loss, the entire journey from [00:19:00] the moment you made the decision this is what you want to do, that intention, to the day you're standing at your goal, and even into maintenance. That is a journey. Same thing like a vacation. So every step along the way, that is super important.
And when you celebrate all those steps, you're going to keep challenging yourself to take on another step. To look forward to the next part. You're going to celebrate all those wins. Give yourself pats on the back, right? You're celebrating what you've accomplished. Yeah, you might not even have lost a pound yet at this point.
And you've already been like, I went to bed at 8 o'clock every night this week, or 9 o'clock, or whatever you've decided. I know that that is an action that's gonna lead me to my goal. And then you keep doing those things. You keep figuring out how to show up for yourself. How to, so that you can celebrate your wins.
You know, I was very gold star driven. I have been my whole life. I Like, to checkmark [00:20:00] when I've done things, and that's the adult version. Um, a to do list with a checkmark. That's a, that's an adult version of a gold star from when you were in grade school. I like the checkmark. I feel like, oh, I accomplished it.
It's a little dopamine hit. I feel success, right? I celebrated the win. I did something. I created, I'm capable. I love that. So in the journey, the entire journey of weight loss, you're going to give yourself lots of check marks, lots of wins to celebrate. And then you start getting even more curious about what's the next thing I could try?
What's the next thing that's going to make a little bit of difference on my journey to weight loss? So the next part I want to say is make sure that you're seeking support. Whether you have a accountability partner, a weight loss partner, you know, um, for me, it was not my spouse. Um, [00:21:00] he loves me so much that he doesn't want to see me in any kind of discomfort.
And I don't know that he would use these words himself, but what he says is, that sounds hard. Why are you doing it? And so when he says, it sounds hard, why are you doing it? In my head, I feel like, well, maybe it's not that important. Maybe, maybe I'm taking up too much of our family's time. And that's because that's the squirrel that my brain likes to follow.
But, what he means is He doesn't want to see me in pain or discomfort. He wants it to be easy for me. So in a lot of areas, he would not ever do what I do because it's not his goal. So he would not be my person for support in that way. He's going to help me. but he's not going to motivate me to keep going.
Um, maybe you have a best friend or somebody in your life. And here's the thing again, I'm a weight loss coach. That's exactly what I do for my clients and [00:22:00] they do for each other. So we formed a community where we get to come together. and support each other. We all have like minded goals. We all know that sometimes it's painful and it's just, you know, beyond discomfort.
And yet we want the goal so much that we're going to keep going. And so we do that for each other. We keep going and we keep supporting each other and you know, we'll give you a hug and that like. love you through this girl. And then sometimes we light a fire under each other. That is exactly what we do as the coach.
I'm not just there for support. I'm there for your accountability too. I'm there to help you figure out when your brain is not quite on track. So the mindset shift is what we were talking about. And so as you're figuring some of that out, a coach to walk you through that and like, Be like back on path this way back on path that way because our brain wants to to [00:23:00] steer and for a lot of people this is new territory.
You're not in a place where you've done this before or you've had this experience. And so sometimes, you know, we did like in the beginnings of weight loss. We thought restriction was the best way to do it. It proved that we could do hard things and then it was a form of sabotaging ourselves. So. Working with a weight loss coach definitely keeps you on track.
Like I said, um, accountability, that mindset management, um, guidance in realistic expectations, right? And so, um, when I start with new clients, one of the first things is we kind of set a goal, and sometimes I'm pushing you to do a little more, and sometimes I'm like, oh, let's reel this in, let's, let's set. A goal here that you're going to be able to achieve because those wins that we, we gain keep us [00:24:00] going.
So if you say like, I want to lose 30 pounds in a month, I'm probably going to be like, well, I'm not probably, I'm definitely going to pull you back in and say, let's not do that. Let's get to something that you for sure can. You can reach, and it's not so easy that you're not having to really try, but like, I want you to succeed.
And if I know that you're setting a goal that's just completely unrealistic, that's part of my job. Is to say, let's do this, and we'll do another goal, and another goal, and another goal, and we will get to the one that you really want, but not in this short period of time, or not in this way, kind of thing.
So, I, I do, I provide personalized support and guidance. Um, personalized to you. So some of our things are one on one. Some of them are in a group. But I, I work with you. So together, we're coming up with exactly what you need and exactly what you're going through. You're bringing it to me, um, so that you can create [00:25:00] sustainable life changes.
If you are not able to do this in the long term, you do not do it right now. And that's because whatever you're doing to lose weight right now, you're gonna have to keep doing to maintain your weight. We're not about Losing all your weight, getting into some pretty dress and then throwing it all by the wayside.
When I was losing weight, I remember saying, and it's so funny whenever my brain remembers these things, but I remember saying, I wish for 24 hours. I could be exactly the size at goal weight so that I would have the motivation to want to do that and do all the work. Like, I was willing to do the work, I just wanted to experience it for a little while, right?
The things I thought. But! In my brain, I was making it so hard. In my brain, I was thinking I only had to do it till I got to goal. And the thing is, we focus so specifically on simple and doable so that you can sustain this. I want to [00:26:00] help you have lasting weight loss, not just a quick You know, bikini body by summer kind of thing.
Um, let's see. So improved overall health. When you're focusing on yourself in any manner, you are going to improve your overall health, your emotional health, your physical health. All of that is going to have a changing effect when you put any amount of focus on this. When you're not making mistakes hold you back from taking care of yourself, you're figuring out that taking care of yourself is amazing.
You get even more little dopamine hits. Remember when you were a kid and Like, maybe you had a sick day, and you got somebody's attention to put you to bed, or to get you the chicken soup, or to bring you medicine, or to rub your back, or whatever it is, this is you doing it for yourself, right? When you focus on your overall health, any piece of this puzzle is focusing on your health.
[00:27:00] You're taking care of yourself. You are giving yourself the chicken soup. You're giving yourself a foot rub or the extra blanket, the back rub, whatever it is. You're giving yourself a little sleep. It's all that same feeling as when someone else did it for you. You've just are going to be learning how to do it with me so that you can do it for yourself ongoing.
Um, the other thing that you get with this is you get the examples that of my weight loss, just like I've shared with you. When I've lost weight, what was I thinking and doing? Letting that be the normal, not what someone else who's You know, pushed themselves to the end and then, um, they're fighting against themselves the whole, whole time.
We're gonna show you like what I have experienced. You're gonna get the benefit of what everyone in the group has experienced. I get to bring all that to you, even if you don't ever show up to a group session. I help each of those people [00:28:00] in that group. I know exactly what they've been dealing with. And so I'm able to say, now this other person had this, And so let's see if that works for you or there's so many different experiences and they all come to the table and you get to benefit from all of that.
So, what I want to end with, are you tired of making mistakes mean that you are no good at weight loss, that you are not capable, it's just not in the cards for you as I used to think. It's time to find another way. I have told you how mistakes are not only appreciated, but they are the success, the thing that creates progress in your journey.
So weight loss coaching is the answer. I want you to check out my free next step quiz and see what weight loss coaching can help you with. The link is attached to this. It's www. coachingkara. com forward slash link. [00:29:00] Tree all one word no spaces and that link is Full of all of my social links and all kinds of great stuff to get you started on weight loss I would love to work with you help you figure this out So if you do not already have this marked on your calendar so that you can come back every Wednesday 9 a.
m. Eastern Standard Time. I'm on zoom with my weight loss coaching group. But for this call I'm on live on Facebook and Instagram. So I would love to see you there and share this episode, go to the podcast, share it in Facebook, Instagram, whatever it is, share this with someone you think would benefit and I'll see you next week.
