2023 - 3:22 LIVE Deprivation:Restriction Public Blog
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[00:00:00] I am Kara Hackleman. I'm a certified life and weight loss coach, and I am the owner of Concierge Weight Loss. If you've stumbled on today, welcome. I'm excited to have ya. I come every Wednesday at 9am Eastern Standard Time to both Facebook and Instagram Live. So, mark your calendar. Lots of inspiration, lots of motivation for your weight loss.
Today's topic, sustainable weight loss, right? Wonderful. Without deprivation or restriction. That's the key part. So we talk a little bit about diet culture, the diet rules that we have all been subjected to for any amount of time that you've ever wanted to lose weight. You think that you've been told so you truly believe.
You have to deprive, you have to restrict, or you're just simply not gonna lose weight. That's just part of it, right? You think you have to eat these things and you cannot eat these things. More diet rules. [00:01:00] You are good if you do those rules, and you're bad if you don't. More diet rules. The only way to be happy It's to be thin.
And the only way to be thin is to severe calorie deficit. To be in a severe calorie deficit. More diet rules. That's the last one I want to share. Lose weight as fast as you can and the more you restrict, the faster you will lose. All of these are something I would love to challenge, especially that last one.
Who says faster is better? Faster usually just means that you're trying to get out of discomfort faster, and it usually means you're not going to stick with it long term. So, I learned as much as I wanted it to be fast, sometimes faster is not better. I want sustainable. Which can be different. So, sustainable means that I have learned my lessons, I am happy with my choices, and that I am going to continue this long term.
So, in this, remember [00:02:00] that your weight loss and anything you do, so whether or not you want to lose weight, how you're going to do it, and for how long, Those are all your choices. You get to make every single one of those choices. You are the decision maker, you are in charge and you are in control. And I know it doesn't feel like it.
When we start talking about deprivation, we talk about restriction. You feel like everything is out of your control and you are not in charge of anything, let alone your own body, your own mind, or. Your ability to make decisions or even do what you think you want your decision to be. You feel like you're so unempowered, disempowered, so out of control with everything, but that's simply just not true.
So I am going to show you how to get your power back and really, uh, get weight loss or any other thing that you want. First, [00:03:00] we're going to remember what your goal is. and how you want to get there. So if you have decided you want to lose this many pounds, you want to fit into some pair of jeans, or that maybe you're wanting to walk and not have your thighs chafe, whatever it is that your goal is, really remembering why you picked it.
And then you decide how you're going to get there. So I mentioned, faster's not always better. And so when I finally decided that I'm going to get there regardless of however long it takes. However many times I, you know, have the scale go up or down. It's just long term. This is how it is from now on. I stopped worrying about it being faster.
I stopped trying to get out of discomfort and sometimes the discomfort went away and other times I just got comfortable being uncomfortable. So, um, you get to decide, you get to decide how it looks, what your goal is, all of it. [00:04:00] I help my clients figure that out because if I tell you you, the world is endless for you.
What do you want? You're not even going to know what your choices are. Sometimes you're not even going to know. options are as far as like how to lose weight. So together we kind of figure out what some of that is. We hone in on what exactly it is that you want and what some possibilities are to get there.
I'm kind of keeping track making sure that you're not like trying to do too much too fast. Not that I'm Um, containing you, but maybe constraining you, if that makes sense. So like, we can do all of it, we're just going to pick this thing first and then keep going. And so that's a lot of what weight loss coaching is.
Um, with your weight loss so far, restriction and deprivation, those are feelings that come from your thinking. You're thinking you can't have something. So when you've lost weight, [00:05:00] maybe this time or even before any other time, right? You think about like, well, I am not okay where I'm at, so I have to get out of this.
So everything has to change. And usually what you do is you try to take away everything you enjoy. In the, in the um, I'm going to fight into willpower and hold on to willpower to get myself through this because then I'll be better, then life will be better, and all of that, I'll be more acceptable, all those things, lovely thoughts that I have.
So with, with restriction and deprivation, if you're thinking things like, I can't have this, I shouldn't have this. Um, I won't be able to have weight loss if I eat this. And those kinds of things will start like burrowing into your, into your thoughts and into your brain. And then at some point, that becomes so uncomfortable that you want to get away from it.
So, you do. You quit. Um, or you binge [00:06:00] because the binging is the only thing that you ever knew how to cope with anything that was uncomfortable. So, you eat all the things, which is not at all what you were attempting to do in the first place. So, weight loss without restriction or deprivation. It's going to start with realizing everything's your choice.
You can choose at any time to have whatever you want. What you're focusing on is really going to dictate what you're thinking. Okay? So if you're focusing on what you can't have and all your brain tells you is every minute of the day, I can't have that, I can't have that, I shouldn't have that. It's going to, it's going to, like I said, bro into your thoughts and it'll just remain there.
Your entire focus will be about what you cannot have. So instead focus on what you do want. what you are choosing and why you want it. So I said, no, know what your goal [00:07:00] is and why you want it. Like know it so much that you can just envision it, right? You know what the goal is and you know what food you want.
So I know I want to weigh this much or I want this size pants or I want to feel this way and I know what foods I like. And then together we figure out how to have both of those. I'm going to talk way more about that next week, but for now, just realizing like that deprivation restriction come from those feelings come from your thoughts.
And if your thought is, I can't have it, all you're going to do is want it more. So As a child, if you were told no, you wanted it more. If someone told you you couldn't do something, perfect example, my husband does not like tattoos. When we were first dating, I went and got a tattoo and he laughed and said, I would never tell you to not get a tattoo because you would get 10 of them.
And I was in a relationship before, uh, through college and he said, don't cut [00:08:00] your hair. And I thought, I don't even know if I really wanted to not, I, if I really wanted to cut my hair, but I was told not to. So guess what? That hair went all the way up. And so, and I can tell you curls get bigger, not necessarily better when there's not weight holding them down.
So maybe not my finest hour of choice making, but it was my choice that I made it. And so the fastest way to get someone to do something is to tell them to do the opposite thing and they will for sure do it. Because that is, that is me all over the place. So, with that, what I was saying was, know what your goal is, know what your food is.
Together, we'll marry those two things up. So you'll get the foods that you really love, and do it in a way that's manageable. That you're thinking like, I can have this, I can have it anytime I want, and I also want. So like, I want this food. But I also want this goal and like it'll become a balancing act and it's not a hard balancing act by any [00:09:00] means.
We're not like tightrope walking, you know, we have like huge four foot planks. We just walk down. It's not even a big deal and you're deciding that you're able to have both. And so that balancing act isn't much of a balancing act. It's really more just like knowing your options, knowing what you want, focusing on what you want and what you are having instead of focusing on what you're not having and what you've decided maybe you don't want.
So let's just clear this up real quick because sometimes my brain, I'm sure I have some ADHD. So if diet culture tells you you can't have it, all you do is want it. I'm telling you, you can have it. You just decide how much, how often, what it is you want, and try to take a moment and make sure it matches up with your goal.
Am I going to feel the best with [00:10:00] eating this? How much of this could I have and still have my goal? And you get to decide how much that is. There's some things that I'm like, that's a two bite thing. And so either I just don't, um, I don't easily feel in control when I eat it. So I've just chosen that like two bites for me was plenty and I move on.
So it's what you're focusing on. So I'm not saying I can't have any more than two bites. I'm like, oh, I can have anything. I, some things I want two bites of and that's all I really want. And I still feel in control with two bites. I still get to enjoy it and I can move on. But it's me deciding that it was a two bite thing.
Some days you might decide you want the food more than you want your goal. Again, it's your choice and you deciding and what you are choosing to focus on, that's what you're going to bring more and more into your brain. So instead of what I can't have and what I shouldn't have, it's going to be, I am [00:11:00] getting this and I'm getting my weight loss and I'm doing it all.
I'm getting it all. I get to have everything. And your brain will find more and more evidence of that. So, um, Let's see here. I, I just want you, um, I want you to really have your own back. That's what I want. I want you to know that it's all in your power. It's in your control and you can have your own back.
So I've kind of alluded to this, knowing what you want, knowing what kind of food you want, what your goal, what all of the things that you want are. That's the first thing, right? And so how we make sure we get everything we want. So if I wanted, you know, just tons and tons of sugar, my joints are going to be terrible.
I've talked about that so many times. But if I say I really want more and more of that, well, I'm also saying like I'm willing to have the joint pain. So if it was weight loss I [00:12:00] wanted, I'm going to say like I probably can't have two pounds of brownies. And it's not that I can't, it's that I want my goal more.
So I plan and when I plan, it is so funny because I resisted planning for so long, so, so very long. And what happened was I realized that planning not only made everything easier, but it made sure that I got to have all the things I wanted, right? So like if I, if I was going to have a party or a birthday or something and I never really planned it, it would probably be pretty uneventful.
People might not show up. We wouldn't have any of the food. We wouldn't have games or whatever the activity was, right? So you plan it, you let people know, and you put a little bit of thought into it ahead of time, and then you really enjoy it when it happens. So, um, with your food, with your goal, what I'm saying is.
So if you plan it, you can plan [00:13:00] all those things that you really want so that you get the weight loss and you get the brownie and you get all the things that you want. It might not be brownie, maybe it's a quesadilla or whatever it is you want. It's not restrictive, it's not depriving, and the plan is you getting to make sure that you're putting it on there.
Like, no, no, no. Like, hey, I got my girl's back and my girl wants some brownies. And so put it on my plan for tomorrow. And tomorrow I'm like, oh my gosh, I am so good to myself. I love brownies. I'm so excited to put that on the plan and see it on there and get to eat it. So then I'm focusing on what I get to have, not that I got one brownie instead of a pan of brownies.
And so I get to focus that. I'm getting what I want and that, that planning is where it all comes together. So you're focusing on what you are having and then you start feeling, instead of deprived and restricted, you start feeling satisfied, satisfied, that [00:14:00] word wasn't coming out of my mouth, satisfied and you have gratitude for your food and your ability to create your goal.
Your ability to have all the things that you really love. and have your goal. So you are amazing. You are so empowered, in control, in charge. Isn't that how we started this conversation? So focus on what you are getting. Your goals and good food. So to wrap up, we talked about, um, say no to the diet rules.
Whole list of those crummy diet rules, right? We talked about you being in charge. That everything is your choice. It always is. Whether you eat Two pounds, two pans of brownies, or whether you plan it and decide what you're going to have, whether you decide you're going to work on your goal, or whether you decide that you're not, you are completely in charge and it's your choice.
We talked about your focus. [00:15:00] What you are focusing on is what you get more of. So if you're focusing on I can't have this, I shouldn't have that, it's going to create more and more of that thought and it will create more and more of those uncomfortable deprivation restriction type feelings and you're going to get more and more of that.
If you focus on how you're going to get everything you ever wanted, you're not thinking I didn't get two pounds of brownies or two pans of brownies. I keep going back and forth between pounds and pans. You're thinking about how much you put the brownie on and you're like, Oh, I get to have it. Yum. I think I'm gonna have to make some brownies today.
I've used this example way too many times not to have a brownie, uh, sometime in the next few days. So what you focus on, I'm getting What I want that I love to eat and I'm getting weight loss. I get to have it all. I can have it all and I'm getting it all. And then have your own back. Planning it is the key.
That was the last thing we talked about. [00:16:00] So the planning it, however, it's gonna look, it's gonna take some more practice on that one. And so as you're learning what your body responds to, what it doesn't, Planning a brownie might be like I'm planning, you know, four brownies or I'm planning two brownies and maybe you keep leveling this up so that you have just a little bit less.
That's how some things I've gotten to where I'm like a two bite and I'm so happy that I got to have two bites of something. It was just a taste, just to, just to make my taste buds happy, give me a little bit of something and, uh, move on. So, it just depends. How do you want to do it? You get to plan it and decide how can you have.
all of your goals and exactly what you want to eat too. It all fits together. So for some people you might be like right there with me. I know how this works now. I know it's exactly what to do and you go forward. And then sometimes people start it and they're like, That's harder than it [00:17:00] sounds. It's so simple and yet I'm still not doing it.
And so, or sometimes you just have no idea. No idea how to start, where to start, or any of it. Regardless of where you're at with this, I can help. So, that's exactly what I do. I am a weight loss coach, certified life coach. I help people through this process. I help you figure out what you want. I figure we figure out together how for you to get it.
And then I support you so that as you're doing it, especially when it gets to where it feels difficult or hard, we're still doing it. We're making it happen and we do that together. So I support you. We figure out why it's feeling hard to you and we work on that. So if that sounds good to you, I want to invite you to my free offer.
And, um, before I say that, I want to remind you, I come on here every Wednesday, so make sure that you're telling your friends, please, because, like, nobody wants to [00:18:00] find out that you have the best unkept secret and, like, or the best kept secret and that you didn't share with them, right? So if you have a friend who's talked about wanting to lose some weight, but, like, everything feels hard, this is exactly what you want to share with them.
I'm telling you, like, just be like, Hey, I listened to this lady. She's, you know, she's a little crazy. She zooms off, scrolls off from time to time, but like she, she makes sense. Share this with her, share this with whoever it is, send them the link or something like that, but make sure you're sharing this with your friends.
And like I said, I'm on here every Wednesday, 9am Eastern standard time, both Facebook and Instagram live to give you more motivation and inspiration. So, the free offer for you, free offer for you is my next step quiz. It allows you to get a peek into what weight loss coaching could look like for you. So you'll find how possibly you've been sabotaging your previous weight loss attempts.[00:19:00]
You'll find what your relationship with food. Actually looks like and so that one blew my mind. I thought food was just for eating. You know, that's just what we did. I didn't know that there was an entire relationship to to look at and figure out, but there is. And so let me share that with you. Take this next step quiz.
Get a peek behind the curtain and see all the things. And then you can decide for yourself, is this something that may be the missing piece you've not done before? And you get to decide. My clients start with that free quiz, and after they learn a little bit more, they usually have questions. So, as, Um, you take that quiz.
We can schedule a consultation where we can, consultation just as a time to chat. Um, it's a fancy word for let's talk. We can talk specifically about how I can help you and get all your questions answered too before jumping into weight loss coaching. I'll see you next [00:20:00] week.
