2023 - 2:22 FB Live Accountability:Support Audio Podcast - Public
===
[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the concierge weight loss podcast. My name is Kara Hackleman, and I'm a certified life and weight loss coach. I help people just like you lose weight for the last time. Are you a little people pleasing, a little procrastinating? and maybe a little perfectionistic? Do you eat when you are not even necessarily hungry?
I can help you overcome that so you can finish losing weight and get out of your own way. Join me each week to get a little motivation and a lot of inspiration.
A rainy yuck day here. I got out and did the CrossFit this morning and CrossFit was great. That is my favorite thing when um, I have all kinds of extra energy to get out. So I got that in. Um, let me just give this a minute. And so I did that but it was it poured down rain. So like to something in the morning.
[00:01:00] It woke me up. Couldn't go back to sleep. It was a mess. So, all righty. I think I am good to go. Yeah. All right. We are going to talk about accountability and support today. Let me get started here. I am Kara Hackelman. I am certified life and weight loss coach and the owner of Concierge Weight Loss. We're going to talk about the accountability.
And the caveat to that is, is that we are going to talk about self accountability. Everybody wants to talk about the support that they are or are not getting from their family. And, um, we'll talk about how to get all of the things that you need. So if you're tired of not sticking with your weight loss, um, do you think if you had just a little more support or someone to help you stay accountable, it would finally work.
You would [00:02:00] finally lose all your weight. Kind of a nice thought, right? Let's, let's put it all on somebody else. So I'm going to bring you all of it today. I'm going to talk to you about how to be accountable. Like I said to yourself and how to ask for support from, um, whoever it is that you're asking, friend, family, spouse, whoever, and ask in a way that actually helps how it helps you and how it helps them.
So that's what we're going to get started with today. The problem is that we think that other people are not supporting us the way we want and it's sabotaging us. It's sabotaging our weight loss. If we just had them do all the things we wanted them to do, we would already have lost all our weight and it wouldn't be a problem, right?
No ownership in that. We have no part to play. We can't make any change on our own. It's all somebody else. So it is important because that takes all of our [00:03:00] power. To create our weight loss and results and it gives it to someone else. So when you are expecting them to do all the things so that it makes a perfect scenario for you, you are giving all of your power away.
You're creating the, that they have all the responsibility in creating this beautiful atmosphere for you to lose weight, but they're also getting all the credit. So they're gonna get all the credit for your weight loss because that's what you're doing. You're giving all the credit. all the responsibility to the other person.
And so we can still get support people in our journey, but in a way that keeps us empowered, it keeps us able to make the decisions and to move forward with or without them. And, um, preferably with, you know, we'd like our friends and family, um, your choice. is to lose weight and you are the one responsible for each of the choices that you make along the way.
Each thing you put in your mouth or [00:04:00] don't, each habit you create or don't. And so you live in community with um, other people, friends, family, children, co workers, whatever it is. And as you're creating habits, you're going to see that other people do effect What you're trying to accomplish and so your ability to hold strong to your intention is going to be important as you figure this out.
So you can choose that you agree or that you don't. You can choose to eat it or not. with like, um, in regards to your support person. So you may agree with what they're doing for you. You may not, you may agree with what they're fixing for you or not. Even with all the support in the world, the choices are always yours.
You're always in charge. You're always in control. Nobody is force feeding. I have such a stuffy nose this morning. Sorry guys. Um, nobody is force feeding you. [00:05:00] So one of my clients, um, she has a husband. And she's heard me talk about this story before, so it won't be anything new for her to hear this again.
And her husband likes to cook dinner for her. It's his love language to make sure she has been fed, that he's taking care of the whole thing. In the beginning, he didn't even like, uh, let's see how, how I want to say this. In the beginning, he would provide her a plate already. everything on the plate and then want her to eat it.
He would fix these meals that he thought would be delicious that he wanted to share with her. And as she started her weight loss journey, she was like, I'm choosing not to have those foods, but he kept making them. She really had a hard time feeling like she was in control of her decisions because she adored her husband and didn't want him upset.
She wanted her weight loss and didn't see how she could have both. And so it was, it was, uh, I [00:06:00] don't want to say it was a tricky situation to navigate, but it was different and it was really good for her to, um, you figure this out. It, uh, instead of just shying away from it all, she was able to figure it out.
She was able to have a conversation with her husband because he loves her so much. He wanted to help her by making her dinner after she got off work. creating a plate for her to eat. And so the portion amount, what was on the plate or not at the plate, like those were all conversations that they had and had to figure that out together.
Um, but through the whole thing, I supported her in being able to know she was always in charge. Always. She was the one in power, in control of her decisions of what she actually ate, regardless of what he put on the plate. It was always up to her. She could eat it or not. She could eat all the portion he gave her or some of it or none of it.
It was a [00:07:00] hundred percent up to her and dealing with all of the thoughts and feelings her husband would have, even her own thoughts and feelings. That was a part of it. And in that process, she was able to really, really gain strength and confidence and empowerment in her decision making. So the solution is self accountability, um, empowering, validating, celebrating yourself.
Um, As you're doing this, you're going to gain that power just like the client I was telling you about. And so the coaching that I do with my clients, it helps create that. Because a lot of times that's not common as far as like your day to day life. You don't validate yourself, you validate others. But yourself, a lot of times as women, as, um, our upbringing has brought us in, like we put everyone else before us.
And so when we want [00:08:00] or need something, We usually always give in to whoever else needs something first, whoever else might want or or have a need and ours just go on the back burner. So this is all new stuff, knowing that we can make decisions for ourself, even if it goes against somebody else and it doesn't mean that we're putting ourselves above them.
It means that we have ourselves as a priority, not the priority because otherwise Like in the example of the client, she wouldn't have even considered her husband's thoughts or feelings, how he was going to take her not eating the meal or the portion size that he gave her because she cared. She considered how to talk to him about that.
So it empowered her and she still considered his thoughts and feelings. It allowed him to be, um, a priority and her a priority. It didn't have to make one or the [00:09:00] other the only priority. You can have like, I, I easily have three to five priorities, uh, at any given time. So as you're figuring this out, kind of remember that it doesn't have to mean that like you are above everything else.
Nothing else matters. It's not, it's, you're also a priority. And so if you're a mom, You understand how this goes. Some days the dishes are not a priority. Um, our kids are fed. Our kids are, you know, well cared for. It's time for some snuggles on the couch. Maybe it's with a spouse, but you are really good at managing your priorities.
I'm just asking for you to include yourself in those priorities. And so if you have more than one child, if you're married and have a child, you've probably figured out that juggling act to get some priority, some attention for everyone. And so just put yourself in the mix. That's all I'm saying. So, [00:10:00] the empowering yourself to do that, the validating yourself that you are worthy of being a priority and, um, that you are the perfect job.
Like that is the perfect job for you to make yourself a priority. Uh, the last part of that was the celebrating yourself. So as you're doing things, like even when they're uncomfortable. So again, with this one client, As much as she didn't want to celebrate that she was doing things like she had to celebrate like I am putting myself as a priority.
I chose what I was eating even when he made all these things I still went in and I had this and this and I didn't have this or that because that's what I chose. And she felt very empowered as she was celebrating and understanding what it was she was choosing. So that was so important, the celebrating all the things.
When she did not have the entire plate, when [00:11:00] her husband portioned huge amounts on there for her, it wasn't that he didn't, like she didn't love him because she didn't eat the food that he piled on. It was that she loved him. and only ate what her body needed. She showed up for both people. She could say thank you and learn how to give him affirmations of love and respect and appreciation with her words and not with having to eat all the food on the plate.
It's so much fun to get to learn some of this and to be along with the ride for the ride as my clients are becoming empowered women to make these choices for themselves. Diet industry. They want to tell you what to have, what not to have. And then you get so wrapped up in when you make a mistake or not.
And as you become empowered, you're in charge. You're in control of the, the things you get to relax on that a little bit because you're making another decision as soon as that last one [00:12:00] happened, right? So you make a mistake and you're next to the, you're on to the next decision. You're not stuck. You're not.
messing up. You're just making one more decision. It's one after the other. So, so how do our, I'm telling you so much about your self accountability and we go so much more in depth with your self accountability in weight loss in the concierge weight loss program, the life coaching and weight loss coaching that I do with the clients.
Now, let's bring back in those people we love. Friends, family, co workers, our children, whoever it is that you are wanting a little bit of support from, nothing is wrong with them supporting you. I'm not saying this is a one man show and you go it alone for your whole journey. I'm just asking you to figure it out.
and then let them know how they could support you. So you're going to seek out additional [00:13:00] support as you are supporting yourself, not in place of it. So they're not taking all the credit. They're not taking all the blame for how you want to be supported. They're just another person to help along the way.
So I want you to be very specific in what you would like for your support person, what you do and what you don't, and then you're going to tell them. So if they want to be a support person for you, most every time they're going to want to hear what it is that's helpful. Like, I love to know if something's like, like, if can you do this, this would be super helpful for me.
Well, if I'm doing it, I'm probably wanting to be helpful to a person. So for them to tell me specifically how I can be helpful so much easier than me trying to guess. And so as you're learning how to speak to your support person, just remember like they are wanting to help or they're going to tell you, I'm not interested in this.
This is your [00:14:00] gig, right? This is you on your own. Most everybody in your life that cares about you that you'd be turning to for a support person, it's not going to be like that. And so, and the few that aren't, that's why I start with saying you're self accountable. You're doing this thing for yourself and you could do it alone.
You totally could. But when you have people in your life that want to support you, let's just tell them how they can support you, how it would be easier for you. So you might, um, take a moment and just write a list. I want you to think about your partner, whoever it is that's going to be your support person.
Um, what would they be doing to support your weight loss? If you could just like wave the magic wand and they would do all the things, what would that look like? So pretend like they're not there. Um, write down everything that you're hoping they would do for you, that you wish they would do for you, that if they did that, it would [00:15:00] be so much easier.
You would feel so supported. It would just be like weight loss is as good as done as long as these things happen. Then I want you to look at that. How much of that can you do for yourself? And so start with there every single time, every time. Then ask, does this person that I'm about ready to ask, do I think that they want to do this for me?
And like, sit with that for a minute. Why would they want to help me? Why would they not want to help me? And what would it mean if they were doing this? What would it mean if they didn't do it for me? And make sure that you have really like, Lined up your beliefs that you can do this. with or without the person.
Pretend like they're not there and you would have to do it on your own. So the list of everything that you just wrote that it would be so nice for them to do for you, you can do all that yourself. Knowing that you want the other person to do that for you tells you that this is what you're lacking. [00:16:00] And so, as you know, this is the things that, that you're wanting, that you're desiring, that you feel like are lacking, um, in your support, you can learn to support yourself because now, you know, you just created a list.
This is exactly what you want. This is exactly what, uh, you're needing. So, uh, know that none of your weight loss, choice is their responsibility. I've said this a few different times in different, different ways. None of it is their responsibility. They don't get to claim any of the wins. They don't get to claim any of the responsibility or the mistakes.
This is just another support. Uh, you are going to do everything on this list. And then as you realize, like what it is that you would like their support with, you let them know. And so like, they're not going to do it right every single time. It's not their goal. They love you, so they're going to entertain listening to you and helping you as best as they can.
But [00:17:00] you pay attention to that. This is still your responsibility. This is still your desire to lose this weight. Uh, so when I was losing weight, I would get some decision fatigue. I would get so tired, so, so tired of making decisions about my weight loss. I, uh, would just come home. I would be exhausted and whatever the family wanted, I would just eat.
And then I would know that whatever it was, it probably wasn't what I would have chose if I was eating to support my weight loss. Um, or it would be that I was so tired. I would just, um, eat in a way that would be overeating so that it would like cope with the stress of the end of the day and cope with the stress that I did not make a plan or that I wasn't showing up for my weight loss by myself, like for myself, not by [00:18:00] myself, but for myself.
And so, um, I would just binge on whatever fast food they chose, uh, to cope with the, with the disappointment in myself all while blaming my family. for my inability and for it all to be too hard. I would blame them. If you did not always have to have a fast food, I could lose weight. If you would help and make dinner from time to time, I could lose weight.
If, You could pick what we were going to have and, um, I didn't have to make all the decisions. Remember I said, I, I get, uh, from time to time some decision fatigue. And so, um, I've talked to you, uh, in the past and if you didn't catch that one, you can find it in the replays of, um, of different podcasts or blog, whichever you prefer, of, um, protocols.
And so, um, What I finally did for myself was I made some protocols [00:19:00] for when I was in decision fatigue. Like when I cannot make a decision, I can always have a soup or a salad. Like those are easy. They feel good in my body. They're something that I don't emotionally eat. So they're just They're just a good meal as far as not wanting to make a decision.
Um, I can grab a salad at most restaurants. I can grab a salad at a lot of the fast food places. I can run in and get a bag of salad if I just cannot come up with something else. One of my favorite go to's is a bag of pre made salad with all the stuff in it and grab a container of rotisserie chicken that's already been shredded off the bone.
Put a little chicken in there and call it a day. And the salad has all the extra goodies in it. So it's not just boring lettuce. And I feel like that is a delicious salad that it isn't plain and it satisfies my hunger. It satisfies my [00:20:00] desire for what I was wanting to eat. And I didn't have to make a lot of decisions.
So like I learned. like what I was wanting from them. I was in decision fatigue, so I wanted them to make decisions, but the decisions they were making were not how I would have done it. I couldn't have both. I couldn't, I couldn't blame them for making the decision I didn't want to make and then when it wasn't the one that I thought would support my weight loss, blame them for it.
So I want to take the credit for my weight loss, so I can't blame them when it's not going right. If you could write a manual, so if you had like, you know, like you, you buy a car or you buy a television and it comes with a manual, right? Every step by step direction for everything that that vehicle or that television or whatever it is, what it does.
And so if you could write a manual for your spouse, your husband, whoever it is, [00:21:00] exactly how to support you, what would it say? Okay. This is what I want you to do. This is what I expect you to do. This is how I want it presented to me, right? It's going to have all the step by steps. So, like I said, that's going to be your list of what you know that you want.
And then anything that person does, that's just icing. It's like extra cool whip on top or something, the cherry on top. And so when you go to ask the person, um, you're just going to be really clear. Like, um, I would love some help with this. And so sometimes people will say like, Hey, we're going to go to dinner tonight and I want to have one glass of wine.
That's it. or I don't want the bread basket. So I can tell you ahead of time that like maybe I'm tempted by the bread basket and at this particular meal I've chose not to have it. And [00:22:00] so when it comes you have whatever you want and then move it to your side of the table or if you don't want any let's just tell them to take it away or to not even bring it.
And so can you help me And so when I used to go with my husband, especially in the beginning, he was used to me eating the way I used to eat. And so when we would go to like a steakhouse, he would be like, do you want, uh, loaded, uh, potato skins? And a lot of times he would think he was being helpful and just order them anyway.
If I had like went to the restroom or something and I'd come back and I'd be like, why is this on the table? And so if I told him ahead of time how I would like support, and this doesn't have to be like a one thing and it'd be a broad sweeping forever kind of thing. It can be you know, maybe you are working on trying to, um, be a person who walks or, um, like when I do CrossFit, I ask my husband to turn the light on, [00:23:00] on certain days of the week so that when he's leaving for work, that light is blinding me and I am not going to want to go back to sleep because I'm already wide awake.
And so, or, or to ask me. Like a lot of times he'll ask me, he's like, are you going to CrossFit? Do you want me to leave the light on? And so he knows now that like, that's helpful to me. So he'll do it. And then on days that I don't have that early morning workout, um, if he doesn't remember, he'll just say, did you want the light on or off?
And then I can tell him and he does exactly what it is, but it is so helpful for me to be able to have, Simple as him leaving the light on. It just gives me one less obstacle, one less objection to getting out of bed and going ahead and working out. So I have told him what has helped me, whether he does it or not, I'm still responsible for getting myself to my workouts.
Um, but, it's something easy. He doesn't mind doing it and it's super helpful. And I'll say, Oh, it's time to get up. [00:24:00] Thanks for waking me up. And so, and it's that good. It's that easy, that simple with meals. Um, sometimes I've gone and said, Hey, I'm planning dessert tonight. So I don't want an appetizer. If you want one, you pick whatever you want on your own.
I'm not even going to look at the menu for appetizers tonight. And it's how I'm choosing to come to the meal. Um, if We're ordering pizza. I'll say, you know, like, Hey, I'm going to make a salad before the pizza comes so that I can have a little salad first. And then my plan is to have one slice of pizza.
And so, um, we don't need like a large or an extra large. We just get whatever you think you want, knowing that I'm going to have one slice. And so, uh, do you want salad? It's my opportunity to ask him, do you want some salad too or are you just going to have pizza? He doesn't have to eat the same thing I'm eating.
We can have two entirely different things and it still be okay. So, um, just telling each other like what's helpful or what our [00:25:00] plan is. Just so the client I talked about earlier, her telling her husband what the plan is. I want, um, she had, uh, some diabetes, uh, numbers that she was trying to work on before they became too much of a problem.
And I said, if you are specific with him, do you think he'd be like, Oh no, we're still going to feed you this. She's like, no, he wants me healthy. He, he just, maybe he just doesn't understand her things that it makes me happy to have the things that I've enjoyed. So of course they want us happy, right? But he also cares about her health.
So when she said, these foods are like higher in carbohydrates, like, which means my numbers for my insulin are also going to go up. And I'm trying to take care of that without, um, you know, medicine or whatever she was doing at the time. Um, He got on board. He just needed to understand what it was. Like, I don't need bread with all my meals.
I'm okay without bread or dessert for my meals. We'll make it something [00:26:00] special when we actually have that. Or, you know, like, I want my burger without the bun because I would rather have a few french fries. Like, whatever it was she was deciding. Letting her husband know so that he understood. understood why it wasn't just that like, I'm being picky and I, that's not good enough for me.
No, no, no. Like I have a goal. I have an agenda of why I'm doing it so that then he, he could be supportive. Um, let's see.
This was fun when I wrote. The one thing to solve an unsupportive, sabotaging partner is to support yourself. Again, like I said, pretend they aren't there. Believe that they hold no responsibility for your weight loss. You hold all the responsibility, all the cards, the power, the choices, everything because you do.
You really do and then proceed. Anything they do is extra. Their participation is not necessary. It's nice, but it's not necessary. [00:27:00] Um, I had this funny little idea that like, if finding support for your weight loss was as simple as writing a classified ad, it might look something like, Woman Wanting Weight Loss Seeking Support.
And so as I was thinking about that, it was funny because I'm definitely going to have to find some medicine to clear clear my sinuses before the end of the day. They're just so stuffy. Our weather keeps switching back and forth between hot and cold. All right. So this idea with the classified ad, the woman wanting weight loss seeking support, what I said was like, as I was thinking about this, you know, like a singles ad that a lot of times the singles ad people write what they think they want.
And that's not even what they actually want. It's what they think they want. And then when they get it, they're like, Oh, that is not what I want. That's too much of that or whatever it is. And so being open [00:28:00] that you might not exactly know what you want. And the more communication you have with your support person, the better it will be because you might be changing your mind.
You might think that this would be super supportive and super helpful. And then everything changes and you're like, no, no, no, I'm not doing that anymore. But if you don't tell them, It's not going to be helpful. You have to speak. You have to communicate and be very honest and Which might make you have to take a moment take a beat to think like why do I even want this?
why am I curious if this will be helpful and Let them know that too A lot of times if they understand the motivation behind it, like why we're doing this, they're going to be like, Hey, didn't you say you were doing whatever, or Hey, is that part of whatever you said? And like, they can help you with it.
And it's not a judgment. It's, you've brought them in, um, as support. So just like a [00:29:00] dating app, you may not actually want what you think you do. And the other part is you might be getting exactly what you never knew you needed. So I've had friends on these dating apps and they like somehow end up with somebody that's not at all like what they were requesting when they did the dating app.
And then they find out that was exactly what they were looking for. Did not realize it, but that was exactly what they were looking for. So. I do what I do because I became so empowered through my journey that I want to make it possible for as many other women to also be empowered and have the weight loss that they've always dreamed of and never knew how to get.
This, uh, journey, the coaching, the weight loss program, all of this has affected my self confidence. It has improved my relationship and really given me the courage to try anything. My [00:30:00] goal is to help you hit your weight loss goal and do it in a way that you feel so empowered that you know this. And really just anything else that you want is totally within your reach.
Totally. You need only dream it and it will be as good as done. You won't be afraid or question your ability. And like, those are kind of lofty. You won't ever be afraid, you won't ever question your ability. But the thing is, even if you did, you already know, like, I'm totally capable. I might not know exactly how, I might not have all the pieces figured out yet, but like, I got this.
I can do it. And so that kind of empowerment, that kind of confidence, that's what I want for every woman. I want every woman to feel that. And I love working with you to get you there. So if it's like, that is so lofty care, I have no idea how to do that. That is why I want to work with you. I really want you to feel so empowered, so confident that whatever your weight loss goal is and anything else in your life, we are creating it.
[00:31:00] No questions asked. Just, well, no, not, you can't, you can ask me questions as you want. What I mean is it's certain, it's for sure going to happen. So I'm here for you and I am going to be there to help you with yourself too. So like when you're figuring this out, I am your support person, I am your accountability person, and I am motivating you to be able to be that for yourself too.
I'm going to teach you how to do that. So I teach you all of this. I teach you, um, and the rest of the group, we all support you. So the rest of my weight loss group will support you. We will hold you accountable. I'll teach you how to do it for yourself. So here's the, here's the offer. If you are ready for the next level of weight loss, I want to offer you to take the next step quiz.
My free gift to you to see where you can focus and move forward to the next step, creating lasting weight loss. So go to [00:32:00] www. coachingkara. com forward slash next step quiz. And I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to the concierge weight loss podcast. Like what you heard today, leave a review or share with a friend and check out the next step quiz where you'll find what has held you back from lasting weight loss and what to do next.
You will find the link to this and many other helpful podcasts and videos in the show notes. I can't wait to see you there.
