2022 - 12:14 Fb Live Podcast
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Coaching Kara podcast. I am Kara Hackleman. I'm a certified life and weight loss coach. I help people just like you lose weight for the last time. Primarily people are a little people pleasing, a little procrastinating, and maybe a little perfectionistic. I can help you overcome those so that you can finish losing weight and get out of your own way.
Join me each week to get a little motivation and a lot of inspiration. A lot of times, this time of year, we have these holidays. We've been talking about holidays for a while, right? And so, you have the holiday, and the holiday is, um, it is, um, what you think Let me get myself together. We're good. We're good.
We're good. Okay. What you think is that the holiday is sabotaging you. You think that someone is having an event, someone's giving you some sweets, that you have stress from all the things that you think you have to [00:01:00] do, right? You go to the event, you have more than you planned, or maybe you didn't even plan because you just don't want to know that you did something wrong.
Um, whatever it is, and then you start thinking. That you're not doing it right. You're not doing it well enough. Whatever it is. and you get to the point where you just decide you don't want to do it at all anymore. You don't, you just, I'll do it again in January. I'll do, I'll do better next time, right?
I'll, I'll make sure that I'm ready this next time when the holidays aren't here. It'll be so much easier. It'll be better. It'll always be better on Monday or in January or some other time that is not And so when you see that, your, um, You're like, okay, it's the holiday. You just cannot lose during the holiday.
There's too many things. I want to remind you, I started my weight [00:02:00] loss in the holiday. I started this business during the holiday. People lose all the time. I lost the most weight during the holiday. Whenever you have decided it's the time, that's the best time. So right now, instead of thinking that the sweets or the stress or the event or whatever it is, not planning, not being enough, not doing it right.
Whatever it was that that was the problem. Instead, just start thinking like it's the holiday and I'm learning how to have this weight. lost so that eventually I'll know how to maintain it during the holiday. You're going to figure it out. You're going to have a holiday every year. We have holidays, some people almost every weekend.
And so when you learn how to do this and you feel comfortable with it, it gets it so that it's easier for you. You [00:03:00] understand what to expect and what's happening. You know what to do. You, you have all the things, right? And so those headphones are driving me nuts. So you, you look at it and you think, how do I want to show up?
And so I talked the other day, uh, to somebody about, if you were your own best friend, like if you had, You're going to think about them and they came and they're like, you know, I really want to do this this holiday. You're going to talk about how to make it easier for them. You're going to figure out how it, it can be, like you could even lighten their load.
You'll figure out how you could do something to make it easier for them. You'll help them brainstorm all the ways. that they can figure it out and what they could do. And then you're going to support them like crazy because you already know your friend can do whatever they want to do, right? And then you're gonna, [00:04:00] you're gonna support them and let them know that you 100 percent believe in them.
So when you are your own friend, your own best friend, and you have your own back. You're going to lighten your own load. You're going to make it easier for yourself. You're going to figure it out. You're going to come up with a hundred different ways. You're going to support yourself, however it looks. and know that you're doing your best or that you're doing something and it's better than nothing, whatever that is, right?
So for this holiday, we still have some time left. I'm sure you still have holiday parties or, or, you know, work luncheons or, you know, your neighbor's bringing you cookies at some point, something's going to happen. So plan to be able to enjoy your holiday. Plan. To show up for yourself. So planning for yourself, planning for your goal of your weight loss this holiday may mean that you choose not to have something, [00:05:00] but it doesn't have to.
And so what I've noticed is when I have planned something, like I plan to have a piece of something and I know 100 percent that I'm looking forward to it. I have it and I don't feel restricted. Now I'm going to tell you sometimes in the beginning as you're figuring this out, you, you do, you feel some restriction because you're not used to having it and you're like, you look like, um, have you seen the puppies when you're playing with them and they know that you're getting ready to take something away and they're like, I don't believe you, you're not really going to give this to me.
And they're, they're still like looking all around. So in the beginning you start thinking that way. You're like, I know I put it on my plan, but I'm not supposed to. Okay. No, no, no, you can. I'm telling you, you 100 percent can. You can have it. And so I want you to have it. I want you to get so used to food that it's not exciting anymore.
It's not forbidden ever again. And so as you do that, like plan something. If you think that you're going to have [00:06:00] like an opportunity, someone might bring something to work. You don't have to know what it is. Plan for a suite, if that's what you want. Or, really, set in your heart what it is you actually want.
So, if it's that, like, I'm, oh, here you go. This is my favorite. So, I used to work in dentistry back in the day, a long time ago. And there was a, I believe he was a periodontist, and he used to send us cheesecakes. And these were not just any cheesecakes. These were delicious, amazing cheesecakes. And so, a lot of the stuff that was sent to us, you know, patients brought in and, um, reps brought in and other doctors sent us over.
A lot of that stuff, I could leave it and not even bat an eye. But when those cheesecakes came, I wanted to taste all the flavors. And so I would make sure that I had them. And so I knew that that was the thing that I wanted. And then I would make sure that I got a piece of each of them before they were [00:07:00] gone.
And then I would like savor it. I would like have a little nibble, a little taste, and I would savor it. And there was absolutely no restriction. I gave, um, attention to what I really wanted. I made sure I figured out a way to have it. I took the extra pieces home so that I could just nibble on them. And it was like a couple forkfuls every night.
It was so delicious. I wanted to see how long I could make those last. And then something happened later after that where my brain thought no, no, no, you have to eat it all, all the time. And I got away from those old habits of trying to savor it and see how long I could make something last. And so, back to seeing how long I can make it last.
It, if you, like I, I had a client bring me a box of chocolates and I'm like, Oh, if I have one piece every day, how long can I eat it? Like before I eat the last piece. Um, and then I've had a couple of things that were given to me. I had a bite of them when I planned it and it's. Not my favorite. [00:08:00] And so, um, I happily gifted that to somebody else.
And so those are the kind of things like figure out how to show up for yourself. We had a holiday event with our son and we went with him and his fiance. I went to go see lights and we did a whole day on Sunday and I was so surprised at how little I thought about food. We had a hot chocolate that we walked around and we sipped on and we enjoyed it.
And then, um, we. Just took in all the events and I was so excited to just be with them for the holiday for an evening. Get to have them all to myself, right? And it had nothing to do with food. I am super proud of myself for how far I've come because it used to be that I would have looked at all the menus and so I know that the place served these giant Bavarian pretzels because I saw a huge sign for it and I thought that word Bavarian sounded funny.
But, um, I have no idea what else they served. My, um, [00:09:00] Son's fiance said that they had a soup and I've been on a soup kick, so she showed me the soup, but I, I didn't even want it. It wasn't even intriguing to me. So figure out what is important to you and how you want to show up. Decide ahead of time what your intention is.
I knew going into that that I really wanted to spend time with them. I wanted to enjoy them and as I did that it was easier to focus on what my plan was. My plan was to spend time with them and possibly have some hot chocolate because we were outside and it was going to be cold and something warm to hold and to, you know, part of the, part of the event some hot chocolate fit right into with the experience.
But it did not trigger me to to binge or to eat all the things or to get all the food that I could while we were there or even when I got home. It was enjoying the moment and just being very present, figuring out what that was going to look [00:10:00] like. And that's exactly what I did and I loved the evening.
It was, it was just so much fun to be with them. So back to what I started with. You've gone to some events, and you've made some mistakes. And instead of throwing in the holiday towel, you're going to just decide what's the next best thing that you can do. So, if whatever you ate, whatever happened, not making a plan, whatever it was, If I just tell you right now that none of that was a problem, what do you think?
Does it feel like, no, no, no, you don't know. And then you just keep wanting to tell me all the things you did wrong. Like this is confession. I'm going to tell you again, it was not a problem. If you can figure out how to learn from it, it's even better. It's even better when you can figure out like this happened and that's not exactly what I want.
So next time I [00:11:00] think I'm going to try this. I have tried all kinds of things. I've tried different ways of making my food plate. I've tried, like, things I'm going to focus on and what my intention is. I've tried eating before I've come. I've gone to parties and decided I wasn't going to eat there at all.
I've tried, um, bringing my favorite thing. Um, knowing that I, like, could plan that thing that I had. I've done all kinds of ways and when I have noticed that I've done my best was when I had something that I wanted and I had it and I enjoyed it and I focused on the event and not on the food. And so part of what happens with coaching, with life coaching, is you start to find out that you have probably had some thinking that you did not realize was [00:12:00] was an issue.
So I used to go to parties and I would go and I would think, I don't know if I wore the right thing. I don't know if they're going to notice that I've gained another 10 pounds. I don't feel comfortable being here. What if nobody talks to me? What if people don't want me here? And my brain would just run away with And that wasn't helpful at all.
And when I got there, I was already feeling unsettled. I was already feeling uncomfortable. And I did not know what was going on in my own head because I had all these thoughts coming at me a hundred miles an hour, right? And so I would get there and then what I felt comfortable with was eating. So I would eat and I would sample all the things and they would give me little dopamine hits, right?
Because most of them have sugar or something very savory and they were delicious and I would just keep getting all of my excitement and all of my enjoyment from whatever was being served. I can tell you that that type of enjoyment [00:13:00] does not support weight loss. Not that you cannot have those because that's why I started this conversation with absolutely have what you enjoy.
But to have all of my enjoyment come from food does not support weight loss. And that was my goal. And so I came to a party feeling unsettled to be there. And then I overate. And then I left the party even more unsettled because I felt like I even more wouldn't fit in. So there's a few different issues there.
One that the eating did not solve anything for me, and then the other is why did I feel unsettled in the first place? So for me personally, I have talked about this so many times. I have had worth and value issues for a very long time. I want to go above and beyond for people so that they feel appreciated and it's something I do like the, uh, the thank yous from it.
But I, um, I want them [00:14:00] to feel like how I want it to feel. So I would do that for them. And so people pleasing, I believe is what we call that. And so as I would do that, um, it would make me focus on how I was not feeling, how I wanted to feel. And so I would go above and beyond for people. I would eat all the food and then I would leave.
Feeling even more unsettled because now I'm further away from my weight loss goal. And I don't feel any more settled because I didn't actually work on any of the thing that was the actual problem. And I would go home even more upset with how much I ate while I was there and usually physically, very physically uncomfortable and ill.
And so whatever you want to think that looked like, I can just say, I'm sure whatever you thought is exactly it and worse. And so I was very reactive. to food. And so that type of eating would set me off and I would be in pain and [00:15:00] very miserable for at least 24 to 48 hours. And so every holiday party, it would do that.
So what I'm saying to you is a mistake does not mean that you are not showing up for your weight loss. A mistake means that you still are seeing that you have room to figure things out. That's all it is. And so, when you take that mistake and you try to learn from it, what you're doing is you're giving yourself so much beautiful knowledge and understanding, and that will take you so much further than you just listening to any one thing that I tell you to do.
So, don't throw your holiday towel in just because you made a mistake. Let's take a moment and see what we can learn from it. Be really curious if there was something you could have done differently and what do you think might have happened if you did that. We have no idea until we try it. And so when you try that thing at the next event or the next time, [00:16:00] then you get to see exactly what would happen if you did that thing.
And so, whichever direction it happens, like it made a difference or it didn't, it might be something you want to repeat again, or it might be like, yeah, I don't really see that that made a difference, so I'll try something else. And it's just a whole game of curiosity. And you can get I'm going to tell you, you can get total bonus points for playing this game.
You, anytime you're willing to make a mistake, just to see how, how, like, just to see what happens, especially when it's in regards to your weight loss, that is absolutely amazing. It is so amazing for you to be able to like be curious enough and be open enough that you are willing to make a mistake. Have you ever had a friend who, for the sake of a, of a, um, Oh, to make someone else feel better.
Like maybe someone fell or somebody split their pants or [00:17:00] whatever. And like, they might like be a little silly or a little funny or do it too, or whatever, you know, so that like, it takes the direction off of you. Right. And so if you think of that, like, Oh, you know that how supportive that friend was when they didn't want me to feel bad.
Right. So be that kind of person for yourself. Like you've made a mistake and like, you don't want yourself to feel bad. So like. What could what? It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. That's what you tell yourself. It's not a big deal. I had a mistake. What could I do different next time? And just be supportive, be that supportive friend.
So that's what I have for you. Um, I wanna talk to you a little bit about my program. So with my program, it's called Concierge Weight Loss. And that is because there's no one way to lose weight. I have found many ways. to lose weight and figuring out which one fits best with you and what exactly is the issue that's been holding you back.
I love talking to clients and figuring that [00:18:00] out with them. Usually they do not realize that the thing that's holding them back probably is the least looking thing to dieting or weight loss that they've ever even imagined. So most of the time whenever we talk about what was the issue, there are They're surprised that it has very little to do with food.
I love that because you're going to be eating for the rest of your life. That is the goal. We eat, we have nutrients, we live, and we repeat again and again and again. So unlike someone who has any kind of a drug or alcohol addiction who can swear it off for the rest of their lives, you are a human who requires some type of nutrition and it comes from food almost all the time.
unless you're hospitalized or some other something that I'm not thinking of. But you're going to have food and it's going to come all day, every day, always there. So [00:19:00] when you're hungry, you're going to need it. You cannot swear off food. And so figuring out how to have exactly what you love in a way that you can maintain your weight, that kind of thinking, that kind of habits, those set you up for an entire lifetime.
So when people talk about diets, the huge amount of people who are successful and then are not, that is the growing statistic. People are like out of the gate with some certain new diet fad. And they're having some great luck, and then you look at them for a while, and then they gain it all back. And so the idea is, and you've heard this a billion times, don't do anything that you are not willing to do forever.
And so if you will never have your favorite food again, then what kind of life would that be? So only eat what you are willing to eat [00:20:00] again. Don't take anything out that you're not willing to not have ever again. And so you can figure out how much, how often, all of that. And I love helping you with that.
I love figuring that out with you because usually as you're talking about it, I'm hearing what you're not actually saying. So like you're maybe your face is telling me a different story than what your words are or you're hesitating or pausing and I'm listening for all those things. I take that with all that knowledge that I've had with other clients and myself, even my own story, and I'm like, go back and tell me about what just was in your mind or tell me why that's not a problem for you.
And then what I'm trying to hear is like, the story that you're telling yourself, even if those are not the words that are coming out of your mouth. And so all I'm doing is pointing out your own thoughts to you, but I'm really good at hearing all those things that you're not saying. Maybe you're not even saying them to yourself.
So, with Concierge Weight Loss, [00:21:00] I meet weekly with my clients, one on one, a private conversation, just you and I, and you get to tell me anything. And I can tell you many times, my clients do not talk about food. Many times, they're telling me about work, or they're telling me about the holiday, or they're telling me about their spouse, or their kids, or about thoughts about themselves, or what they're afraid of, or what they're looking forward to.
And so life really is the thing that makes, um, the most. impact on your on your weight. And so what you're thinking about all those things that happen in your in your life are the things that usually are driving people to want to eat. They're wanting to not feel whatever the thing is that's happening or they're wanting to feel something else.
And so as that's all happening, they turn to food. And so if you can learn how to feel the [00:22:00] thing or how to be okay with not feeling or feeling, then you will be okay and not need to eat because of that. You can eat what you love when you are hungry, and you can turn down the dial on the drama of how eating has been for you so far.
I would love to do this with you. It is absolutely, um, different than anything I had ever experienced before. And when I started, um, this program, it was because I had been so When I had went through a similar program, I could, I only did it because I wanted to be able to say I had done everything and then when I did it, like, the joke was on me because this was the exact thing I needed.
And so when I learned how to be empowered to, you know, think thoughts that worked for my weight loss. It was amazing. And so now, even whenever I talk to myself, I have a couple friends [00:23:00] who, who just smile at me because the words I use, I am very much in charge of what I'm eating, and I'm very much in charge of what I'm thinking.
Not that sometimes both don't happen the way I would have wanted them to, but I take care of myself. I take what I want and I have it when I'm hungry and I make sure that my thinking is being processed. So I have my own life coach. I set time for journaling and I find it just as valuable as the first day I started.
Okay, so with all that being said, if this sounds like something that you are so utterly interested in, right? I want you to at least take my next step quiz. The next step quiz is um, 10 questions. 10 quick little quiz questions, and you take the quiz and it sends you your answer. It tells you what it thinks is your next steps.
It tells you what areas you might want to look at that might have been what were [00:24:00] holding you back from your lasting weight loss. And after you get all that, just look at it, see like how much of this does it relate to you? And maybe it doesn't. Either way, I would love to talk to you about it. So whether we're talking about how this is not right, and I would love to help you figure out exactly what is right for you, or if it is, if it's spot on and you're like, tell me how to implement this right away.
So let me know. I am here for you. Send me a, uh, DM or leave a comment, whatever it is. I'm gonna have the, uh, login for the, uh, not the login, the, um, the little link for the, um, for the next step quiz. And I can't wait to see what your results are. I am gonna hop off and I will be on next week. I will talk to you all later.
Bye.
