2022 - 7:26 Happening "to" or "for" you? - Audio Public
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the coaching Kara podcast. My name is Kara Hackleman. I'm a certified life and weight loss coach. Each week, I will give you information and tips to keep you motivated and inspired. You will lose weight by managing your habits and your thoughts. I can help you finish losing weight for the last time.
Do you ever think that you are a passenger in the game of life? Have you felt like everything happens to you and is for the most part out of your control? Imagine walking along and out of nowhere someone pinches you or grabs a big handful of your hair and yanks your head back. You might have a knee jerk type reaction.
You might lunge at them or scream out. Maybe you simply rub your pinched skin. How you perceive your level of control, responsibility, and ability to create change. greatly affects your experiences in life and your relationships [00:01:00] and how you respond to circumstances. I'm going to present three personality types.
These are by no means an exhaustive list and more than likely we'll find that it is dependent on the individual circumstance and your personal past experience as to which category you may identify with. You may find you identify with a different personality type in different scenarios with your level level of comfortability from your confidence from previous experiences.
The first is a reactive personality. The example earlier of being pinched or someone pulling your hair would produce a very automatic response with a reactive personality. This person may find that they react to most things in life. They may say things like, life is something that happens to them. They think that what kind of day they have is dictated by what happens or someone else has had the chance to mess it up yet.
[00:02:00] Yet, because someone is bound to ruin their day. They may think that the only things in their control is how to react or their ability to control other people. They may feel they aren't responsible for anything that happens. Even then, they may feel justified while others may see them as overreacting.
They typically present as a victim of circumstance. Things just happen to them. Surely they just have bad luck, can't catch a break. They may have a pretty strong view of negativity in the world, that they are powerless to change. The world is bad and people or their jobs are out to make their life even worse.
They might tell me that their spouse is holding back their weight loss success, that the holidays did, or someone else. Maybe they blame genetics or even fate. This person may have become so accustomed to responding that when they get [00:03:00] focused, they are known to get things done and put out the fires.
However, this person may not be able to prevent the fires because anything that would prevent it requires other people to act a certain way or to not mess it up in the first place. Is this you? Maybe only sometimes, like maybe when you're at work or with your spouse. You have strengths, you can react, and many times it gets the job done.
As you learn to allow things to happen with no or little response, you begin to separate yourself ever so slightly from what has happened. You can learn to watch things and not have a connection that it means anything about you. Almost like you are watching it on TV. This disconnection will give you the opportunity to ask, What is in your control?
What is your part of the responsibility? You can begin to see that there are no different truths in most stories, and that [00:04:00] no one has to be wrong. You may not feel the need to react to prove yourself. You may accept that things happen that you have no control over, and not make it mean the world or people are bad.
You just accept things happen, but do not focus on the negativity, not to the point that you cannot see the rainbow. The second is a passive personality. A passive person may not react at all or react only when they have been told to or how to. They may not see that they have control over anything. This is different from awareness or allowance because this defeatist thinking puts everything, all of it, out of their control.
They are resigned to whatever outcome happens, not feeling able to influence it. They might avoid confrontation, adjusting their behavior to do so. They typically appear as [00:05:00] easygoing, um, nonchalant or, or shy. They are the watchers. They don't value their own opinion and maybe not even know that they have one.
They might be the person who always says yes, but would avoid committing if possible. They may look for validation from others before feeling any kind of confidence. They may need the reassurance that they are justified in their thinking or that they are doing or feeling the right way. They typically stay in their comfort zone.
Because of how laid back they are, they may be very easy to get along with. They may be easily swayed in decision making, so more assertive people may look like bullies to them. They can fit into any group, but usually they are happiest in the background. Is this you? Maybe it is only in your social dealing, but not at work.
Maybe it is [00:06:00] in all situations or maybe everywhere but at home with your immediate family. You may do well in weight loss when you have a plan and someone there to tell you you are doing it well, giving you praise and encouragement. You tend to borrow their confidence in you. In the earlier example, if you were pinched or your hair pulled, maybe you respond how the rest of the group does or what you might think is expected of you.
Maybe you just run away. You might shut down questioning, why has this happened and what is wrong with you? The third is an intentional personality. This person is living with purpose, has a goal and a plan. There is no living on autopilot for them. They develop habits to make things easier with less effort.
These habits bring them comfort to keep on track but are not strict rules. They don't get bogged down trying to do everything [00:07:00] every single day. Things are more of an intention than a rule. They dream and then they do. They are oddly limited by what they haven't yet imagined. They are responsible for themselves, and they assess their responsibility to others based on what they want to allow.
They know that others may influence their lives, but that they are capable of just moving around them. They see good and bad in the world. They don't think the world is supposed to be all good, but the bad doesn't discolor their view of the world or of others. This intentional person looks for how things happened exactly as they were supposed to.
They believe that. They recognize that the only control that they have after an event is in learning and growing from it. From this assessing, they can put into place things that many times prevent or manage them before they ever even [00:08:00] happen in the future. The intentional person asks a lot of questions to gather information, not to seek validation.
They may ask your opinion, but that doesn't mean that they will take your advice without first passing it through their own filter, their own consideration. If this is you, you may take longer getting started or deciding a direction, but once you do, it is a series of things you try, assess, change a little, and try again, until you get the result you desire.
You know that you can achieve anything you desire. You know what you can control and what you can't. You find control in yourself and your responses, even in circumstances that others would think you would be totally powerless. Because you don't typically feel powerless, you focus on what you can control and keep assessing your momentary perceived limits [00:09:00] as you go.
You may identify with parts of each of these three personalities. Maybe socially, at work, with your spouse, or in very specific instances, or only with certain people. You are completely one of these personalities. And in another situation, something completely different, or possibly a bit of each. None of these personalities are wrong or bad.
You may find each to be useful in the right event. While specifically in weight loss, it would make sense to be intentional, the responsive and passive personalities, they can also lose weight. Regardless of which personality you identify most with or which comes easily to you, you can use the awareness to identify your personality traits.
Know that you may find parts to be limiting or not beneficial, just as parts may be powerful and exactly what works. [00:10:00] You knowing can help you understand where your strengths and limits might be. Any limitation you may identify gives you a place to think how to make it easier for yourself in that situation.
How can you get to your goal with the most grace for yourself? Make your personality traits work for you. You can begin seeing that everything that happens is neutral. As you begin seeing that disconnect, that it is not happening to you, you can begin seeing how it happens exactly as it was supposed to because it has already happened and you cannot control the past.
You can begin seeing the opportunity for growth and learning. You may begin believing that everything happens for you. The result you wanted. Or for the opportunity to learn and grow again. It happened exactly as it was supposed to. [00:11:00] Like what you heard today, leave a review to help me out wherever you are listening, and then check out the free five day quickstart course and get started losing weight for the last time.
You will find the link to this and many other helpful podcasts and videos in the show notes. I can't wait to see you in the course.
