2022 - 7:5 Unsupportive Partner? - Audio Public
===
[00:00:00] Do you have an unsupportive partner? Weight loss can feel hard under the best of circumstances. When you have a partner who cooks and insists on making things you didn't plan, or brings home your favorite treats, it can feel pointless to even keep trying. You may be thinking that not only are they not supporting your weight loss, they are intentionally sabotaging it.
I'll hear ladies tell me that they would be doing great losing weight if it wasn't for their spouse. It is their fault because there is not movement on the scale. They say, every time I'm doing all the things they just come and mess it up with. And they tell me something, they'll proceed to tell me all kinds of things that their partner does to sabotage them.
I kind of love when I hear this, I am reminded of when I was first losing weight and I would get frustrated and feel like none of my efforts were good enough, perfect enough, and pick apart not only all my mistakes, [00:01:00] but those of the people around me. The truth is, I was frustrated it was taking so long that I didn't have it all figured out yet, and I was not firm in my own efforts, so I was easily swayed.
At no time did my husband or anyone else force food down my throat. Now, my mom was close. She always had a habit of putting food right up to your mouth, and Follow you around with it. My husband has picked up this habit and is that he'll say, just try it. Just try it. Just try it. Come on and walk around holding it up to my mouth, but not force it down my throat.
The point is that if no one is shoving it in, then you are still responsible. Your partner does not have to be supportive. And yes, you can still, even then, lose weight. I was frustrated and it would seem like my husband or even my mother was to blame. Instead of thinking they were sabotaging me, I began smiling and thinking they were really helping me [00:02:00] practice saying no, or being responsible for my own actions.
I will help you figure this out, but it is absolutely necessary to understand No matter what is going on or who is doing anything, you are still in control of what, when, and how much you eat. Does this get your feathers ruffled just a little? It usually does. Even if your partner offers you food, you don't have to eat it.
Even if your family meal time is 6 PM every night, you can sit at that table with them. You can even eat something else or eat it later when you are hungry. Even if everyone around you is eating all the things that you think trigger you to lose control, you still get to decide what you do. I'm not discounting that this may be a bit harder or that if your entire family and everyone around you were eating the same things in the same amounts and exactly at the time when your [00:03:00] body decides it is hungry, it would probably be a little easier.
Hard or easy? That comes from your thoughts, what you think about it. You can find thoughts that are more useful if this is what is going on for you. Another thing to consider is that even if your family eat this way, if you ever want to be around other people, again, you will not be able to control them, what they're eating or what they are serving.
Looking at this as an opportunity to learn how to be in control of your eating in any situation, you It's something that you have control over and always will. There are other videos and audios that I have specifically on how to eat around holidays, parties, summer events, food pushers, the list goes on.
I give you really great strategies for all that. You can check those out. If you want more. Today, this is all about you succeeding when you have an unsupportive partner. Sometimes [00:04:00] your partner may say things like, are you even losing any weight? Or here we go again, another diet. Remember, they have their own thoughts about things.
They may actually be remembering how tough you have been on yourself in previous diets and wondering how long before you start beating yourself up or get snarky from the hangry they have seen before. Maybe they're thinking about how previously you ate so restrictively and the family were made to eat that way or feel your wrath.
Or maybe they're thinking they would like to lose some weight of their own and a bit jealous of what you are doing. Sometimes partners have worries that if you lose weight, look and feel good, you won't be attracted to them anymore. Check in with yourself as to what you think may be the cause of your partner's comments.
It may be out of concern for you or worry for themselves. Many times, people do not know how you will take their comments, not [00:05:00] realizing you make it mean something about you. A great way to not take it personal is to think about what your partner is making your weight loss efforts, what they are doing or saying about them, mean about them.
themselves. Don't spend a lot of time here. You cannot control them. And this is questioning is just for your understanding, not to change them at all. Hopefully you understand your partner just a little bit better now back to you and what you can do to help yourself succeed. If you still want to support.
If you still want support from your partner, you can try a simple conversation. Explain what your goals are and why. Tell them where you feel like you could use some help. Tell them specifically what helps and what doesn't. Remember, this is just to make them aware of what you are doing and how you are thinking about it.
They're, they are not to blame for any of it. You are [00:06:00] telling them you struggle when things happen, and you are still learning how to overcome it, and to gain strength in those areas. You are asking, requesting their help. They can still say no. You may need to set some boundaries. Boundaries are for you not to change anything about the other person.
Sometimes the other person will hear your request and be willing to comply. The boundary you set will help you keep on your journey regardless of your partner. Boundaries may look like deciding to not eat off plan or you will fix your own food. Last minute dinners out must be at a place that serves something similar to what you planned or you don't go.
For you, your partner may not be able to fix your plate anymore unless they keep it to within the portions that you have asked for. Your partner to not ask or not ask more than one time for you to have after dinner ice cream or [00:07:00] movie snacks that were not planned. You can set a boundary that if your partner says things about your weight, you will tell them one time to stop.
And after that, you will leave the room. Each of these examples is for you to take responsibility of your weight loss and your partner doing or not doing them does not prevent you from any of it. Explore your toolkit. In this program, clients have the entire finish program that can be a resource. Go back to lessons that you may, ever.
May want reminded of bring this to a coaching call thought downloads and models can be super helpful Planning your meals realistically and doable for your family's needs plan anything You can ahead of time with your family's input in mind Post schedules and menus for the family to see what you are doing.
My family, especially in the, in the beginning begged for pizza twice a week. I truly felt like they were trying to [00:08:00] sabotage me and just see if they could test my will. They wanted to eat out regularly. I explained that I was eating what was planned and they could help plan. I asked each what they wanted to eat for the next week.
I would incorporate the request in a way that was still able to get the nutrients I wanted and the meals that they wanted. The menu would be on the refrigerator and I would post my workouts or times I was listening to certain courses on the family calendar so they would see that I'm not available. It also helped them to see I was taking my weight loss seriously.
They got used to the newness and stopped fighting the process of planning. They began to find the routine helpful, asking when they could put something on the menu or the grocery list. They stopped expecting things to happen immediately. And without their urgency, I too enjoyed the routines I was creating.
I learned that my family was not any different than me. They [00:09:00] did not like change, especially when it wasn't their decision. They do love me, but their discomfort in the change sometimes. Made what they said sound more like criticism to me. I learned the more routine I was, they were able to predict and count on how things were going to be.
I also learned that communication made a huge difference. When I told my family that when. They said certain things, it triggered thoughts I was having about myself, how my body looked, or that I wasn't worth the efforts of weight loss. Giving them a glimpse into my brain by telling them what I was thinking helped them see this from my point of view.
I would explain, I was working on thinking better of myself and they would usually help. They were still people with their own thoughts and desires. So I would remember that they usually want what is best for me, but sometimes they [00:10:00] didn't know what I was thinking or struggling with. You are worthy of whatever you are choosing.
You are responsible for yourself. You are lovable and capable, just as you are. You can do this, and remember, what feels like hard now will be a distant memory in a month. You can support yourself.
