2022 - 6:28 Face Your Feelings Public Audio
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[00:00:00] I am a weight loss coach, and you would, you would expect to hear me talk about food, diet, and exercise. Yes, we talk a good deal about all of those things. However, in nearly every coaching, feelings are the thing that clients need help with. They are either eating to create or avoid feelings, or they have trouble with relationships, or something else that involves them.
Maybe you notice that you too have these feelings. Before I studied coaching and the weight loss, I thought feelings just happened. I never thought I had any control over having them. They came and went as they pleased. I thought the only power I had was feeling them or trying and failing to stop them.
At that time, I thought that if I was uncomfortable or feeling negative, Something was bad. I thought something was wrong with me. If my feelings were negative, that I was doing [00:01:00] something or focusing, not focusing enough on the positive thing. I thought I was at fault for discomfort and negativity. I was blaming and shaming myself for feelings that were uncomfortable.
I can tell you that did not create any relief. I've shared that most dieters have quit trying when they felt it was too hard, not good enough, or uncomfortable. They have shared with me that they also felt unable to control any of it. Feelings are simply vibrations that are felt in the body. Usually clients say that they come from their heart or their mind.
Yes, feelings do come from the mind, specifically from your thoughts. Your thoughts are directly responsible for all of your feelings. You see or hear something, you have a thought about it, and that thought creates your feeling. You cannot completely ever control all the things that are going to happen, what you see or hear.[00:02:00]
Your thoughts Can be fairly spontaneous in this way too is very normal to have many thoughts about everything you experience. Clients have judged their thoughts. They tell me that they don't want to feel certain emotions and they don't want to think certain thoughts that they shouldn't. The more they avoid or try to stop either the feeling or the thought, the more they return and even grow in intensity.
You do have control as you continue in thought work, managing your thoughts and feelings, journaling, working with me, coaching. You learn to create and practice specific thoughts. The more often you practice these new thoughts, the easier and quicker they will be, what comes up first. However, you will still find that sometimes out of nowhere, a thought you used to think comes back, like it is just a fact.
It will sound so real, so believable. [00:03:00] So avoiding or stopping feelings will never totally make them go away. Even when practicing new thoughts, they can still come back. I want to teach you how to be so comfortable with being uncomfortable that there is no reason to avoid or stop it. First, let me explain the 50 50 rule of the human experience.
As a human that fully experiences all things, all thoughts, all feelings, you will expect that 50 percent of the time you will feel good and 50 percent bad. At some point, it was decided by somebody way before I was ever born that we should strive for comfort, joy, happiness, all things comfortable or positive.
We were led to believe that uncomfortable, sad, and anything deemed negative should be avoided at all costs. But we have all of it, all of it, all the time. In this world, there is always something amazing and horrific happening. The sooner you accept that life is made up of [00:04:00] both, You will be able to be fully in the moment and be present in all of life's experiences.
As I was learning this, I had a hard time with intentionally allowing discomfort. I understood that after a hot day of hard work, an ice cold drink is more enjoyable. I believed that when things had been stressful, a vacation was so much more enjoyable. I even knew that I find relief. after squeezing my arm when it has been hurt.
I started to understand that things can be so much better after something uncomfortable or negative, almost like it is sweeter or better because of the negative thing. At this point, my curiosity to this concept has been piqued. Then I began thinking about why I should be above any of the negative discomfort.
Why should I be exempt? Why should you? We shouldn't [00:05:00] be. I even began thinking I was capable of feeling it when maybe some other people that I love dearly are not. I would take their discomfort if I could. Now I am really starting to understand that I am not as fearful of those negative feelings. Finally, it was introduced to me that if I practice feeling my feelings, all of them, without any judgment or any type of intervening, then they will lose their power, their intensity.
The power had been what I avoided. I thought feeling could do something, break me or hurt me. These feelings are most uncomfortable for a bit of time. And the worst that can happen is that my body feels these sensations. then nothing can really happen to me. I may cry, but other than that, it's just a bunch of things my body is sensing all at one time.
Let's start feeling [00:06:00] a feeling. We're gonna feel something that you are experiencing. We're gonna name it. There are lists of emotions with a quick internet search that you can find. Sometimes looking through the list, trying on different emotions, you will find that one fits all. how you're feeling.
Sometimes you can't find it. How either way you can thoroughly describe it by checking in with your body. Where in your body are you noticing this feeling? Where do you feel it at? Scan from head to toe and consider every body part. Do you feel heavy or light? Do you feel electricity in your skin or do you just feel like a dullness?
Are you hot or cold? Do you feel pressure, pain, or even nausea? Try to describe it. You may only be able to say, feels bad. The more you pay attention to the details, it becomes easier to neutralize the [00:07:00] bad feelings. As you neutralize the feeling, you can work on normalizing it. As I quit avoiding emotions or thinking I shouldn't feel them, I began to realize that if I don't fear the emotion, then I can understand it and sometimes even embrace it.
When my sister passed away, Those were the worst, most intense emotions I had physically ever felt. I cannot imagine wanting to feel good if that were to happen EV ever again. Over again, it really matched the intensity of my love for her. I was willing to feel it all. What I noticed was that those intense feelings did not stay intense all the time.
I've heard the feelings associated with grief, those intense emotions. Compared to the waves of the ocean. As you are standing in the ocean, you may have ankle deep water gently rolling in and [00:08:00] out. You are completely aware of it, but it isn't doing anything. It isn't causing any external disruption. This is like when you are thinking or feeling it, but it is not interrupting any of the thoughts or activities of your life.
You're only thinking and feeling on the inside. Sometimes the waves are taller, hitting with more intensity, and sometimes they come out of nowhere. All of these, just like feelings. There's more to that analogy if you want to look it up, but for this purpose you can see how feelings relate to the waves of the ocean.
Just like the ocean waves, you can feel the feelings and with different intensities and sometimes from nowhere. There's nothing wrong with the ocean and nothing wrong with you. As you spend more time in the ocean waves, they become more predictable. You know, when to get out of the water or when to jump in the waves, bobbing along, enjoying your day.
As you spend more time, allowing [00:09:00] your feelings, they can become more. predictable. You know that they come and go. Sometimes they are intense. Feelings may be very consuming, but they will never hold you under. Anytime you feel overwhelmed, it is because you are fighting or resisting those feelings. Stop fighting them and just watch them.
Even during a storm, the ocean is amazing just to witness. Our thoughts and feelings are the same. Sometimes instead of avoiding, stopping, or trying to change them, just sit and watch them. Watch your feelings. Even the most intense emotions, like a storm, will pass. A storm over the water is fun to watch.
Ask yourself about the feelings. How do you feel? Where do you feel it? Why do you feel it? That will usually be the answer to that thought that you're thinking. That's what's creating that feeling. How does it make you react? [00:10:00] What is it making you want to do or not do? The answer to how you react will be the best determining factor in deciding if you want to change your thoughts that you're thinking or simply allow them to flow in and back out again.
Lastly, ask yourself why they keep returning. Is there something that needs your attention? As you learn to face your feelings, even intense ones will have no power over you. Are you willing to be uncomfortable to gain all the power?
