Sam's Past, Present, & Future Models - Audio
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[00:00:00] Hi, Sam, thanks for doing this with me. I am so excited about your journey and what you've told me about it. So I'm really thrilled that you're going to let me share this with other people. Um, will you start with just telling me a little bit about your journey right up to this kind of newer change that you've told me about?
Yeah. I mean, I don't know how far back you want me to go. Um, But yeah, I just sort of the sort of short version of my long story is that I've always struggled with my way I always thought I was, you know, it's bigger than all my friends, even though I look back now and I was like, Oh, I was a very normal size but I just felt like I was bigger than everybody.
And then I, you know, tried all of the things to lose weight. I've even tried other like sort of like thought work based programs, but didn't have like the direct like one on one like I have with you to have that consistency of like really looking at my brain. So I would like lose weight and then regain it.
And lots of [00:01:00] perfectionism, lots of, you know, if I have a little bit of a slip up, well screw it. The whole day's ruined. I might as well eat all the things, um, very much that black or white, all or nothing. Um, and for a long time too, I've had found it really, really hard to believe that I could actually like lose weight and keep it off like that just for a long time felt so impossible.
Okay. Okay, so. all normal things. I'm sure anybody listening after this will be like, at least half of those I identify with because I know those were almost all in my journey too. So you, you just recently told me about some changes. So I know you've had some, um, thoughts that have come up since the beginning of the year.
You've kind of tried some different things. I jokingly tease you that like, you've been in your rebellious stage, but you've stuck with it and you, and you've worked through to figure things out. So do you want to tell [00:02:00] me a little bit about what has changed in these last few months for you? Like what's clicking into place?
What do you think has been, um, the, the change that you're seeing? Yeah, I think one thing, sort of like the earlier part of 2022 was, Really learning that even with like the simple habits, I was still sort of sneakily layering perfectionism on them. I know we would talk about like, um, for a while I was like, let me just focus on water and get my water like perfect before I move on.
And then you're able to point out like, well, now we're just using that as an excuse to like, try to be perfect, to not do other things. Um, cause I was like, well, if I just do one thing and do it perfect, then I'm like good enough to like move on to the next thing. Um, and things like, Where I wouldn't give myself credit for like mentally planning my meals.
If I didn't write it down, it didn't count. And I would give myself no credit for anything that was like slightly [00:03:00] better than what I was doing. Um, and then more recently, I think the biggest shift was something you had said to me. Um, and you probably said it before, but I just like finally clicked that we're sort of, I'm sort of practicing now who I'm going to be at my like goal weight.
And just being that person now, instead of the mindset of like, what can I do to try to lose weight? It's like, well, future me, like how does she handle this situation? Like what is normal for her to handle this? And that has been such a huge shift of, it just feels so different. Like it's so different. Some of the same actions that would happen as a result, but it just, it feels so different to sort of be like, that's just who I am at that point.
And it's super easy for me or not super easy, but like, it's normal for me at that point to like, if I'm bored, be okay, being bored or do something and not immediately like run to the kitchen. [00:04:00] So what I'm hearing and just based on what we've talked about before. Like understanding that awareness, that total awareness that you are bored and identifying it is huge first step, but then being okay to just be bored, not needing to replace it with entertainment from food.
Um, but just to sit in that feeling and feel okay with understanding why it's there addressing that you are even feeling it and then just allowing it. Yeah. And I think the other thing too, which we've talked about recently was That it's like, okay, that I enjoy food. Like thinking that like future me is going to be sort of this like super, I don't even know how to describe it, but like, you know, food wouldn't even be important.
And I'm like, No, that's not just like a future me whose ankle weight is still going to really love the food that she makes. It's just not going to be the only thing I enjoy during the [00:05:00] day. It's going to be such a small portion of the enjoyment of my life, but it's still an enjoyment. So in that, what are you enjoying these days?
Because if all your enjoyment is not coming from food, what are you enjoying? Yeah, I am. Well, one I am for the first time in like forever, like getting to like play with style and makeup and be like, I'm allowed to do this and it's okay to. experiment and try new things. Um, and I'm also finding a lot of enjoyment in like pursuing non weight related goals, like really going all in on my business and sort of giving myself like credit and enjoyment of like, Oh, I like totally figured out that webinar.
Like, that's going to be so good. And like, really like celebrating that or like last night. I'm also a writer. So I was, didn't want to write. And I was like, Oh, I don't know where the story is going, but I was like, let me just do 20 minutes. And I wrote. And when I was like throughout it, I was like, Oh, just like, it's not going the way I want.
But [00:06:00] after I was able to be like, hell yeah. Like I did something that I, that felt uncomfortable. And I was like, proud of the fact that I was like, hell yeah, I wrote. And now I'm like, I got some momentum and I'm excited to write again today. And like, Being excited, and then of course, you know, doing more fun things with my family, and chasing around the two year olds, and like that kind of stuff.
And, um, Yeah. It's just like life is more exciting. I love hearing that. So you're still enjoying your food and you've given yourself permission to actually enjoy it. You don't have to think of it as like the thing that ruins all of your life and that you have to be sneaky to get it. Like you can plan what you love and eat it.
But all of your enjoyment in life is not coming from food. Like you have created this huge abundant life, which brings you back to that original thought that you said that, um, how did you say that? That you're practicing being who you're going to be. So like, [00:07:00] I'm imagining as you were thinking of that future, you, it had a very rich, beautiful, fun, very enjoyable life.
And at the moment when you first started your journey, maybe it just wasn't. It wasn't available for you to dream about it yet. Yeah, like I think when I would try to like look into the future, I was sort of seeing What I didn't have in terms of the food. I'm like, well, I wouldn't be eating as much. And I probably wasn't having, you know, as many desserts or whatever, just sort of like seeing sort of the lack and sort of seeing, seeing myself having to like.
You know, not get any enjoyment out of food or like, I don't know, just like wanting to eat and be like, Oh no, I can't eat. Cause I don't eat my feelings anymore. And that was sort of like very much in the, like, that won't be fun. And now I can see like all of the things that I'm doing that are super exciting that [00:08:00] in some way have nothing to do with weight loss, weight loss, but in some ways have everything to do with it because.
I no longer have all my mental energy wrapped up in food and weight loss. So I can focus on like building a really exciting life. That is exactly why my very first lesson inside the program is a gratitude lesson. When you figure out how to find gratitude in exactly where you are right now, it just grows abundantly.
And so that is one of the things that like, you cannot eat enough food to just keep that, that joy and that fulfillment. You'll have to keep eating food and food and food and food. But when you start thinking about all the things that you're grateful for, there is, there's no, um, limit to what that can do for you.
And so when you're finding all the things that make you happy, all the things you're thankful for, it will just grow like, like so abundantly. And you'll, [00:09:00] You'll have so much different focus than when you're thinking, like you said, on what your limits were and coming from that place of lack and what you weren't going to be able to have anymore.
And then like, probably if we got into it, there's probably some beat down thoughts in there about like, well, if that's how I'm supposed to be, and I'm not now, then I'm not going to be How terrible am I now for not being able to eventually get to that sooner? So there's all kinds of thoughts that we think, which kind of brings me into my next question.
And I already know this. So, um, how much journaling has, how much has journaling played a part in your day to day, uh, uh, progress your journey along the way? Yeah, I do a lot of, I love to journal. I don't do it every single day, but I definitely know that like, the days I, I do spend the time, I always like, it's just, it's, I don't know, it's sort of like a nice way to like, get to know myself and sort of, Like see what's going on in my head.
So I do journal a lot. [00:10:00] Um, and I do it about, I mean, I do it on my weight loss and my parenting is a big one that I have to drill, um, and like my business. So I do it on lots of different areas. Um, and it's just like, it's sort of like when you get to know a new friend and you're like learning about them, it's sort of like doing that for yourself.
Yes. So you mentioned a few different things that you've journaled on. And so. I would like to take a moment and like, so, um, journaling is big in the program. Like that's totally where you get to see where your thoughts are and your feelings, understand your motivations, all the different things, totally accept them and understand them.
And then decide if you're just going to, like we said with, um, Like your feelings before you're just going to sit with them, or are you going to try to work to change your, your thinking so that you can provide different, you know, feeling responses or different motivations for [00:11:00] actions or inactions, which is great.
So that's how we do things, how we stop doing things, how we get different results, all with those thoughts. And so. i'm going to share my screen and i've already asked you so you said it was okay to do a model, and so, can you see the whiteboard on there. So for this first model, um, the way the models are in case anybody's just now tuning in, it's like your circumstance is kind of what's going on, what somebody said, where things are at, what's going on in your life.
Whatever your thought is, what you think about that circumstance, whatever that event is, or, um, thing, and then your feelings are created by that thought that you're thinking your actions are motivated by the feelings that you're feeling. And then the result comes from. What actions you are or are not doing.
So it all goes together. And it's this great way that I use while [00:12:00] I'm coaching my clients, including Sam here. And she has learned how to use in her, um, journaling methods too. So it's something that, um, sometimes intimidates people a little bit. So I thought we would do a few different models here, um, at different places.
So the first one I want to do is your old thinking. So before the change, what was the result that you had Um, in that, in that old way, uh, yeah, I was continuing to gain weight with that old thinking. So something that's kind of, um, and I'm hoping I'm spelling all this right since we're recording it, continuing to gain weight.
So something that's really awesome to see in here is that this is something that only affects Sam. So our result line cannot have other people in it. It cannot have other people's results. It's. Specifically Sam's result, she was continuing to gain weight. So what we're going to work this model backwards.
So [00:13:00] the beauty of the model is you can start anywhere you want and work forward, backward, wherever, because we understand how it ties together. So in this result, continuing to gain weight, what were you doing that was making you gain weight? Yeah, I was eating when I was not hungry. Um, a lot of times that was, you know, Just to avoid whatever I was feeling or to what I thought was creating connection.
I was not making plans. Um, I was very much meal plans. Yes. I was not making meal plans. Um, and then I would, I was definitely eating past full for sure. So doing that, um,
I think one of the big ones was I was like very hard on myself. So any, If I did anything that I considered a mistake, I would sort of be [00:14:00] like, well, forget it. Now I'm just going to eat all of the things. So, um, this critical, the same kind of word. Yeah. Okay. So critical and, um, maybe justifying is that, yeah.
Okay. All right. And so let's go backwards to the next one. And I'm sure that you could find now, cause hindsight's always 2020, which is kind of fun to do the model from before, because now, you know, you can see where those things were at. There's probably so much more we could add to what you were and what you were not doing, what you were avoiding all in this action line.
Okay. So I explained that your feeling is what creates the motivation for those actions or inactions. Thanks. So what feeling do you think you were feeling when you were eating, when not hungry, avoiding feelings, making meal plans, eating past full critical and justifying, what do you think that you were feeling that was motivating those actions?[00:15:00]
Yeah, I think it was, it was, it was, I mean, of course it was more than one thing, but I think it was probably doubt or just like, like disbelief that it was possible. And I'm just going to write on both. Typically we just put one emotion because if there's more than one emotion, there's probably some, um, different model that if you actually wrote it out.
But I think those two words feel to me like they're the same. Does it feel the same to you? Yeah, I think they're very similar. Okay. And then, um, we know that our thoughts are what are creating our feeling. And so what do you think was the thought that created doubt or disbelief? Yeah, it was definitely some version of like, I'm never going to keep it off.
So what's the point?[00:16:00]
That is a thought I would say most people on their weight loss journey have. It's very normal. And does that thought still come up sometimes? I mean, it hasn't in the last. Like week, but I'm sure it will. And then I'm just being like, part of my work, I think is just to be like, Oh, that's that thought. I think sometimes it doesn't have to, I don't have to believe it.
Perfect. Perfect. It's totally going to come up from time to time. I always say that, like your thoughts, your feelings. They're allowed to ride in the bus with you. They're just not allowed to sit like shotgun. They're, they're not your passenger. They're in the back of the bus. You're totally aware that they're there.
They just don't get to drive the bus or even necessarily sit in the front seat with you. So, and then, um, our circumstance at that time, it could have been whatever her weight number was. It could have been whatever she was [00:17:00] eating, and, um, it could have been how much she was eating, um, it could have been the size of her clothes.
There's so many things that could go in that circumstance line. It could have been that she wrote a plan, But did not follow it. Like those things are all going to be 100 percent factual things. A hundred people ask, they'll all say the exact same answer. Those are circumstances. Um, I always think just the facts, ma'am, just the facts.
And so it has to be factual. And those are, those are, um, what factual type things were that would eventually probably lead to the thought I'm never going to keep this off. So what is the point? Maybe the scale changed to a number that she did not, you know, Maybe, maybe the scale went up 10 pounds. That's a very factual thing.
And then having thoughts about that. Okay. So that's the one model now, and we can start this model wherever you want, but in this change that you talked about, the change [00:18:00] of, um, of what's working and you've seen the scale moving now, and you're not, you're living life. And enjoying life, things like that.
What, um, do you have a place where you want to start, or do you want me to pick a place in this model? Um, I think we can start with the thoughts. I think that's pretty clear to me what's changed. And I asked you this because sometimes people can't pick for themselves. So like, if you like pick another area that you do feel comfortable with, or if I ask you a question in coaching, sometimes it brings something out, but you were quick.
So tell me that thought. Yeah. And the thought is, is. And what I kind of said before was, you know, I'm, I'm practicing being the person I am at goal. I think that deserves some capital being the person I am at goal. Is that what it was? Yeah. Okay. And what feeling comes up when you [00:19:00] think I'm practicing being the person I am at goal?
Yeah. I think it feels like empowering.
And when you feel empowered, what are you doing? Yeah. So I am like really like listening and checking in with my body. And I've like, I like, for example, I noticed, um, the other day, like I woke up in the morning and I was like pretty hungry, like right away. And sort of the old thought of like, well, if I wait longer, I'll lose more weight.
And then I was like, okay, well, what is me? Who's like at goal think about this? And she's like, when I'm hungry, I eat. So I was able to just like, do what she would do. So it's really like checking in with my future self, I guess. Um, and. Do you check in with your emotions too? Cause that kind of sounded like a doubled one, like your hunger, what your body's needs are and [00:20:00] like emotionally, like you said with my future self, well, your future self may desire something.
So like, is it emotions and hunger? I don't want to put words in your mouth. Um,
yeah, I think it's. I think like specifically the example it was hunger, but then I also think about like what I'm like living life outside of just when I'm eating. It's sort of thinking about like what emotions and like things she'll be wanting to do. Um, and then I also Um, like making plans. Like I, I sat with my spouse and we made like a weekly plan together of sort of like, Oh, what would be like fun to make this week?
And then I've been making my plans at night and, and again, do it from a place of like, Ooh, this is something I get to do for myself, something that future me likes doing, not just, this is how I lose weight. It's sort of like, I don't know. It just, it feels like it's, it's like [00:21:00] a gift versus like a thing that I have to do.
Okay. I'm sure you're doing a bunch more things, so we can probably keep filling this out. So what is the result that you're getting now from listening and checking in with your body, your emotions, making plans? Yeah. I'm, I'm actually like getting closer like to that person. I'm like, I am becoming that person.
Becoming the you at goal. Yeah. Great. And the circumstance now on this top line would be the the plans wrote what the current scale is. It's pretty much all those things at the top probably could add in that she's spending time journaling now. Like, like whatever the time was or that she wrote a journal prompt, those kind of things.
So that could all be filled in. Okay. So thanks so much for sharing all this. I have one more, if you're ready. I didn't tell you about this one [00:22:00] ahead of time, but I thought about it as we, as we got started, you know, how I, how I roll change directions in a moment. So now that we have a moment to sit here and like, Really just bask in where you've come from to where you are currently, what.
Is a model that we could do for how you want to grow into, or how you want to be at that goal or something in that future. So we can think about how it would look like to fill out a model for something that's not even happened yet. Ooh.
I don't know if we want to start with the result on this one, maybe,
or you want to put like at goal weight on the C line just for funsies.
Okay. So the circumstance is that you are at goal weight. And then [00:23:00] where do you want to go next? Yeah. I mean, I think the, maybe we could go to the feeling line. Sure. How does that feel at goal weight? Like I think proud. And then also, I think there's part of me that feels like at that point, like this is, or maybe that's the thought then it's like, this is just who I am now.
I love that. Let me write that. This is just who I am now. I love that you, you picked that out. A lot of times, um, I heard someone say those Americans have this habit of saying, I feel, and then putting a bunch of words after it, which are really your thoughts. So I love that. This is just who I am now. And does that, that feels proud to you?
Okay. And then when you're feeling proud, because you're thinking, this is just who I am now, what are you doing? Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, [00:24:00] continuing the habits, but then I think too, at that point, like, because I have that like pride and maybe confidence kind of goes with it too, is like, now what's the next cool, amazing thing I can do with my life.
Okay. So like dreaming and imagining, allowing yourself to dream. So can I share about the gas station stuff? So we did in one of her one of Sam's very first coaching sessions is this future you and she could not dream. Past what her favorite thing would be besides going to the gas station and getting a bunch of junk food and eating it with her spouse.
And that was the biggest dream that Sam had at the moment. And that's fine. If that's where you're at, everything is starting [00:25:00] exactly where you're at, but. Like this is, this is totally different than you've, you've evolved so much, your dreams and your imagination and your possibilities have all been different.
So at goal weight, this is just who I am feeling proud. You are continuing your habits. So you're going to maintain, and you're asking what is the next cool, amazing thing I can do with my life, which gives you a result. I would say of definitely maintaining that weight and even just the sky is the limit for you.
You have anything different? Um, well, yeah. And I think like part of the result is like, not like living in fear of regaining, because this is just who I am.
Oh, my first big type of here. [00:26:00] Gaining because this is just who I am, which there's a thought in there too, but I'm going to allow it. Cause I love it. Yeah. Not living in fear of regaining because this is just who I am. So there's no fear. That's kind of amazing. All right. Let me stop that. All right, Sam, is there anything that you want to share?
Like if you were at your first starting place and you heard some words, what would you have wanted to hear or what would you want to share with somebody now?
Yeah, I think, I think part of it is, and then you start coaching with this, like starting with the wins. And it took me a long time to really Like buy into that and buy into like every little thing like is worth celebrating and That like progress like that every little [00:27:00] one percent like really does add up and like perfection is like so not even a thing like it doesn't exist Now you, every time you try to be perfect, either one of two things happens.
Unfortunately, if we try to be perfect and we fall short, we totally miss the mark and then, um, feel shame and guilt and all that, or we try to be perfect and realize there's no ceiling to perfection. Like perfection is a thought, but like you can keep growing past the ceiling. So like the. The perfection is just the ceiling that you put there and you can grow past it, or you can miss the mark and you get to decide what you, what you think about that.
Yeah. It's amazing. It's so much fun to get to coach you, um, because you're very open to the whole process and getting to watch you along your journey. So, um, thank you so much for doing this with me today. [00:28:00] I, I know that other people will relate to you. Awesome. Well, thanks for inviting me to do this. It was fun.
