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[00:00:00] Hello. All [00:01:00] righty. I am going to stop everyone's video and then played the video and then we'll get back on.
All righty. Today is about cheat meals, cheat days, that kind of thing. And how that type of, uh, idea or thought can be sabotaging. So we will watch the video.[00:02:00]
Cheat meals. I am asked often what I think you should eat or not eat. Then I usually get asked about when or how to have a cheat. I love these questions. It shows exactly where your brain is, what you're thinking, and maybe a glimpse of why. Then we can explore where that idea came from. Oh, this is the good stuff.
Let's start with the definition of the word cheat to act dishonestly. Or unfairly to avoid something undesirable. I took just a moment and thought of what that definition feels like to me. Wow. Dishonest, unfair, and undesirable. This is what some are asking for. They ask how cheat days work, when and how they should include them.
And if you use the [00:03:00] definition of the word cheat, then they're asking, when should I eat dishonestly? How can I escape the unfairness of my plan? How can I take a vacation from the undesirable that my plan is? That doesn't sit lightly in my body. How about yours? I talk often about cleaning up the language.
When you are aware of how the words you speak to yourself, Create feelings that either motivate you or don't. Then you see how much power those words we use automatically have. So first question, why do you want a cheat or a treat? Sometimes people are simply just wanting the reassurance that they can have all foods.
And sometimes there is a little thought in there that needs to be cleaned up. If you are wanting reassurance, yes, you can have. Any food, the diet industry, and many of our childhoods have created a [00:04:00] good food, bad food mentality. The complete truth is that foods are not capable of morality, no good versus bad and cleaning up our language.
Consider the foods usefulness. A food is a good food. If you choose it, even if it is for the sole purpose of delighting your So the next time you find yourself thinking of food as good or bad, it is a great opportunity to ask yourself, why do you want it? What purpose is it serving? There's not a wrong answer.
It just gives you more information about where your thoughts are and what your intentions are. Let's explore some of the thoughts that are some of the most common ones. I just want to let loose. This usually is because you are actually thinking that your plans are too hard to follow. You want to seek some relief from the rules that are too hard.
I want to [00:05:00] ask who set the rules? Who are you cheating? As I work with clients, I routinely ask, does this feel easy? If not, how can you make it easier or make it feel easy? When things feel easy, then you don't look for a break. You know how easy it is and don't look for relief from easy. Many of the perfectionistic thinking also is striving for a perfect plan.
Truly there's no such thing, none. Some say the perfect plan is the one you follow. I say you can claim a plan as perfect, also in what you learned from it. So there's no perfect plan. If you can make it easy, doable to follow, and then learn from it when you followed it and when you didn't, then that is the best outcome.
Next. I have been so good. I deserve this. This again brings in the [00:06:00] morality. You are not good or bad for eating one food over another. Your worth has already been decided. You are worthy because you exist. So you do not deserve to have something nor need to refrain from having it so that you are not bad.
You're just you. You eat food for survival. For energy and nutrients. And yes, even for pleasure, look at why you are choosing different foods. If you know why you are choosing each food in your brain, quiets down the judgments, you may notice that if you are eating for sheer pleasure, often you might ask yourself, what else brings you pleasure when you live life, finding pleasure in all areas.
You don't look for food to bring you all of your pleasure and entertainment. It's like a great shower. You enjoy it in the moment, but you are not spending all day in the [00:07:00] shower. Enjoy your food when you eat it, but ask yourself, how much pleasure do I need this to provide me? Lastly, maybe this is why you don't want to eat certain foods.
This thought, I am afraid If I eat this, I will lose my self control and sabotage all of my progress. Let's break this one down. In thinking myth, you are operating out of fear. You are giving food all the power and you don't think you have any control. You are believing that it is all automatic after your first taste.
The primal brain may have an urge, even a really intense one wanting more than you had intended to eat. You still have to allow your hand to put food in your mouth. And that takes a decision from you and your prefrontal cortex. The part of your brain that makes [00:08:00] decisions and rationalizes. Yeah, it takes that.
It may have all happened so fast that you didn't realize it was a decision that you made. Now that you know, you will be aware and you'll, you can see the decision you are making. The last part of this. thought that it will sabotage all of your progress. There is not one thing that will sabotage all of your progress.
There is not one thing that creates all of your progress. Do not give it all the credit. When you blame something or someone giving it all the blame, you are also relinquishing any of the credit. You are dismissing the credit you have earned In the progress you have made, sometimes people do this, so they also don't have to take the responsibility for when it didn't go the way they want.
Okay, so now that we have explored the thoughts that [00:09:00] cause the desire to want to cheat, let's look at it a little more productively. I want you to want to take care of yourself forever. I want it to be so easy that it is doable forever, forever. It doesn't need to feel imposing when it is easy or when you want to do it.
It is. is kind of like how I enjoy routine. Sometimes there are vacations and holidays that I am not in my routine. It always feels good to get back home to my routine. Food is not any different. Instead of needing a break from your plan, Include these. I did not quit my job to take a vacation or celebrate a holiday.
I brought my routines with me and I came back to the ones whenever I got home. You do not need to stop your plan either. [00:10:00] Plan for what you enjoy. If you see yourself in the future at your goal weight and enjoy those foods, then you're Then learn how to eat them responsibly. Now acknowledge and process what comes up in your mind, change useless or limiting thoughts about food.
I have foods that I call richer than my normal daily eating. Sometimes these foods are higher in sugar. Sometimes it is sodium or fat. How I classify them as richer is how my body responds to them. So they might not be richer for you, but for me, My body has bigger responses when I eat what I call the richer foods.
I do not want as many triggered responses. They might be like gas and bloating, diarrhea, lack of energy. I don't want as many triggered responses. So I don't think that it is unfair because truly I can [00:11:00] eat. Those foods whenever I want, but I know that when I choose them, I am also allowing what comes with them.
So I have learned how to adjust the quantity and frequency that I eat them. And yes, sometimes I still choose even the worst of the responses for a bowl of ice cream, but I made the decision and I know how to take care of my body too. So you get to decide all of it. It's your choice. I want to end with some feelings.
How do you want to feel? Do you want to feel fear, guilt, and shame judging and justifying your choices? I prefer to feel empowered and capable, knowledgeable, and enjoyment. A thought I have progressed to is, um, is that some foods I eat are just for pure enjoyment. I consider them indulgent. They are a luxury and when I play in them, I get excited and I look forward to enjoying [00:12:00] them.
This has been useful for me around candy. I used to bring big bags of food home, big bags of that candy, and eat them to feel good. So now I think of that kind of candy that my family brings home is for them. I think that if I want to indulge in some candy, then I want the good stuff. Godiva, Ghirardelli, some of the chocolate shops around town.
I don't typically keep any of that at our home. I think of it as a luxury and enjoy that experience I create. Going to the store to pick out a piece or two, I look at all over, I make my decision. Then when I eat it, I slow down and I really enjoy every moment, every taste, the whole experience. This has become so special to me that when I do plan it and take the time, I really look forward to it.
And all the other candies are just lesser. I [00:13:00] rarely even have an urge for them anymore. I have noticed that I don't even want luxurious candies very often. I didn't want to diminish the specialness, the whole experience. Again, this is just my thoughts and I keep them because I find them useful. I don't think that way about all foods, just some, and I do include some other foods, um, that would maybe be what I would consider richer foods.
probably even weekly. I've just learned how to eat them so that I am okay with my body's responses, or I've diminished the responses that I get from them. What I like to call responsibly. So you hold all the power. You decide what foods, how much, how often, and as you learn to eat them in a way that moves you to your goals, or maintains your goal, then you don't operate from fear.
You don't seek relief from your [00:14:00] thoughts. I want to tell you, you are so capable of hitting your goals and enjoying any food.
Ask you guys to go ahead and start your video and unmute.
Okay. So was there anything that jumped out for either of you?
I'm going to say not for me. Not for you. Yeah. You said you're not a sweet eater. So I'm not, [00:15:00] I go more to the salt, to the chips, to the pretzels, to the Fritos. That kind of is my trigger. Well, and then the other thing too, Susie, if you don't mind me sharing is that you had some of the things that you enjoy and it's not really come up as a problem in your head.
No. How do you, um, Like I'm sure you're aware of how other people might have that kind of pull or that trigger, but what is it in you that doesn't have it as any kind of a pull or a trigger to, um, want to indulge or overindulge?
Uh, I feel like I'm more in control now. Okay. Where does that control come from within? I'm just not going to do it. I don't have a desire to, because I'm going to see this process [00:16:00] to the finish with a win. And I don't feel deprived. Okay. I mean, I do feel if I want something, I'm going to go get it, but I am going to get it within my limit.
Yeah. How do you, how do you set a limit? Like, what does that look like? Um, for me, it might be a handful of almonds or a handful of goldfish. I don't try to, that's my limit. If I can't hold it, I'm not going to eat it. I don't need a bowl full of popcorn and a bowl full of chips sitting in front of me. What about with your wine?
So that, that was more than you could hold. So how, how did that play out with, uh, your, your friend's day the other day? Right. I had to get together with my girlfriends that I hadn't seen for 30 years. So Karen and I spoke about how was I going to [00:17:00] incorporate, um, any kind of wine or alcohol into my plan?
Uh, first of all, I'm not, yes, I drink. No, I don't drink a lot at all. I drink very rarely. So I said, oh, I'm going to drink one glass of wine. And just sip on that all day, which would have been perfectly fine with me. But from seven, from twelve o'clock noon to eight o'clock, we went through, you know, I went through four glasses of wine.
Did I feel guilty? Not at all. And have I had any since? Not at all. But that's just, it was a luxury for me because I don't indulge in alcohol, but I also wasn't going to give that up for that day. So the thing that I found so interesting when we talked that day, Susie, is how did that affect the rest of your day?
How did it affect the rest of what you ate or what you did the next day? [00:18:00] I probably drank a little more water, but what we ate That day, along with four glasses of wine from 12 until seven was I had a bowl of soup and a salad. That was what we ate. And I found that I was talking and catching up and didn't even eat a whole bowl of tortilla soup.
Was I deprived? No. Did I want it? No. I was just enjoying the moment with them. And then you shared the next day you planned just normally, you didn't include anything extra. You didn't eat off of your plan. You didn't, you didn't, Go bing or urging and you just went back to your normal routines. That's right.
That's right. So that is kind of exactly what I mean in the video. When I say like, learning how to eat the things that you eat or drink, the things that you love responsibly, it's not derailing your progress. It's not [00:19:00] derailing your intentions for your, your goals or your weight loss. It's something you enjoyed in that moment and then you go on.
So it's not. In the video, I use that like a good shower feels so great, but you're not showering all day. And so you're not having that food all day. You have it, you really enjoy it. And then you move, move on. And it keeps it special. So like, when I talk about the chocolates and getting to have that experience and stuff, um, like, It keeps it special so that if you're having it just like, you know, you had your wine with your friends, it's, it's special now, so it's, it wouldn't be as special sometimes, and you don't have to have foods that are special.
I'm not saying that by any means, but there is some fun. There's some fun to be had when you do keep something special, but then still not like overindulging when you have it. Bridget, are you able to talk? I know you're at work, [00:20:00] not able to talk, just listen. So I saw that you put in the chat that yours is more of a Starbucks.
And so, um, She says hers is, uh, planning richer foods. She understood that one. She kind of related to that and that she loves Starbucks. It has been her routine to drink one every day for years. She always got a large. So now like this weekend, I plan to drink one on Saturday and Sunday, but a small size.
And so. different ones that I've coached with, they've completely eliminated some things and that's totally fine too. Um, well, and I'll just pick on Susie again, since she's here, she has eliminated Cokes. She was a Coke drinker morning, noon, and night, and she's just not having them anymore. And so like, I've, I've worked with her in the beginning.
It was like, She was using language like that's my nemesis. And that's, I can't have [00:21:00] that. And like very addictive type wording that she was using, like I was addicted to cokes. And so as we've talked, I've even kind of talked with her enough times that I tell her, like, I would put 50, 000 down on you, Susie, that you could have one Coke and it not ruin you.
And she's like, Oh, I don't know. But then I think she started to kind of understand that those were just thoughts that she was allowing that Coke. To have control over her. And so, or like smoking, some people it's smoking, some people it's chocolate. Um, like you said, Bridget, yours is your Starbucks habit.
And so you can have Starbucks, you can have Coke, you can have it as often as you want or as little as you want. And so when you're first learning so many different things, if it's easier To just say, I'm not going to have this for a while. Like I don't typically have a lot of [00:22:00] the foods that like I consider indulgent in the house.
Part of it is because I like the experience of going and getting it from the store or going and getting something when we're out at a restaurant. So it kind of creates that specialness for me experience. But there was a period of time where we just did not have certain things in our house because I did not.
I had enough things. I was like working on and like figuring out and understanding my thoughts around. And so it was me being kind to myself and giving myself a break, not having it in the house for that period of time. But at some point, understanding that Starbucks has no control over you, like someone could be in the car ordering the Starbucks drink.
across your face and you can say, I'm good. You know, I'm good. I don't need anything. You know, I can be out with Susie and I could, I could order me like a big ginormous Coke, you know, the fountain pop. That's like [00:23:00] perfect temperature. And she could be like, I'm good. And so, or like, or even remember, yeah, I used to, I used to really this, Oh, here's another thought that I've, I've learned to love.
Yeah. This one I hear a lot with people who are drinking. So people who, um, they're not alcoholics or anything. They just have said like, I've had enough in my lifetime that I think I'm good for the rest, for the rest of my life for a while, you know? So like I've had enough alcohol or I've had enough Starbucks or I've had enough Coke that I just don't think I need any more in this next chapter of my life.
Like I've. I've indulged overindulged. I'm just good for a while. I've, I've reached as much as I think my body needs. And so that was another little thought that I thought, Oh, that might be something that's useful for people in the future. So, um, keeping a hold of that. Um, I had a few questions wrote down for you guys.
Um, the one was what foods have you been [00:24:00] avoiding and why? And we kind of talked about Bridget, how yours was Starbucks and, um, Susie, you're not really avoiding anything anymore. You've just chose that you don't have it, which was another little part we talked about in language. And so, um, You'll hear me again and again, say we're going to clean that up just a little bit.
And there's nothing wrong with the way people say things it's what it means to you, but sometimes the words that we choose definitely kind of have this. Um, it like takes heart in our brain or our heart about what that word might mean. So when you say I can't have something versus I just don't have that one is very empowering and one gives whatever that item is.
All the control and power. So if you say Bridget, like I can't have Starbucks, well, then that, that relinquishes all of your power and all of your control to the Starbucks. And the truth is you made the choice [00:25:00] because you physically could put that in your mouth anytime you wanted to. Right. And so, When you say, I just don't have it, or I, I just have it occasionally, that is a totally different frame of thought.
It's totally empowering and in control. So you are choosing, you're not depriving, you're making a choice based on your desire, your preference and your goal. So you get to see the whole thing instead of just feeling like you're. In control when you're being good and you're not in control when you're having something that you like.
And so it's you getting to decide the whole thing. It's kind of a little different with that language. Um,
so the next question I had was how could you plan some of those and manage your mind and show up for yourself? And so Bridget, you said that you were going to have a smaller [00:26:00] one on the weekend. And so, um, that sounds like a really great. way to manage it. You got to pick when you were having it, you got to pick the size of it.
Um, that kind of thing. And then when you have it really check in with your body. So whether it's a food or a drink, always make sure that like, if it's a calorie drink, then that you're having it when you're hungry and that you still have hunger in your body. So, um, uh, I have one of the ladies that I work with, she does, uh,
Yeah, you're in more in control now you're saying so, um, one of the ladies that I work with, she felt like, uh, she really wanted desserts after dinner and she wasn't saving any hunger for that dessert. And so it was. It was fun to, uh, to see the switch in her [00:27:00] head so that whenever she realized I get to have any food I want, I just have to be hungry for it.
And so, um, when I said, are you saving enough hunger? Right? So like, if you were going to buy something, you might save your money to be able to buy something, but whenever you are, um, trying to buy enough dessert or buy a Starbucks or something. We're buying it with our hunger. And so making sure that you have enough hunger in your body so that when you have that you're fully hungry and you're like, yeah, I enjoyed that.
My body was hungry. That's what I gave it for nourishment that day might be even a little more extra pleasure too, but, um, you have the hunger in your body for it. So that's kind of a fun thing. Um, There was something with that I wanted to ask you guys
and we talked about what language we're cleaning up. So there [00:28:00] you go with that. Um, how are you guys doing about, uh, feeling like you have hunger in your body when you're eating? Are you eating when you're hungry? No. That's the only time so you, you don't ever say like, Oh, it's, um, the family's going out to dinner.
I'm not quite hungry yet, but I'm going to eat anyway. Or how do you manage that? Well, I have the luxury of it. My children are grown. So it's just the two of us. So mine is, I don't eat by the clock. I don't eat. It's five o'clock. It's dinner time. No. If I'm not hungry, I'm not going to eat dinner. I wait until I'm hungry.
Hungry. So the holidays, you were around your family more. Did you notice if you were ever eating with them just because it was time to eat or?[00:29:00]
No, the holidays. Um, Christmas was, I was the, they were all at my house. I was the cook. So we ate, you know, more of a mid afternoon. So there was no lunch. It was more of a two o'clock dinner. And there were a few appetizers later on in the evening, but, um, uh, I'm very fortunate in that degree, I think, because I, you know, Again, I didn't, I wasn't hungry.
I didn't eat and it was more buffet. So, you know, if you were hungry, go back and get some refills or go back and warm up the leftover from the lunch.
It didn't seem to be a problem for me. Let's see. Bridget says, I am experiencing more hunger, a lot more, uh, before I felt full all the time. In fact, and I would feel stuffed after most meals. Are you still feeling stuffed after meals now, Bridget? [00:30:00] Okay. You're stopping before full. Um, I know Susie, you, excuse me.
You had mentioned in the beginning when you first started with the program that you were just never hungry. Right. I filled up a Coke was my, I mean, it wasn't just an addiction to Coke. It was Coke in the morning Coke until I went to bed. Coke was my calories. Your steady stream of glucose. So, um, how long before you started feeling hungry?
I don't know. I can't really put a number on it there. I mean, once I started with you at that point, I mean, from day one, that was my last coke. And then I started with the plan and I ate with the plan. I mean, I ate, you know, yogurt in the morning and I ate, you know, maybe some, uh, rolled up ham or [00:31:00] something for lunch.
So I was actually me. eating more food than ever before. So it wasn't a hunger thing. It was, I was eating three meals a day, which was more food intake. I know that sounds silly, but it was more food intake than I probably had in the long run. So I'm overweight because of the sugar. That is so interesting to hear because people think I don't have hunger cues and it's, you just hadn't like, you hadn't either been listening to them.
Or you, like Susie said, she was just giving herself a steady stream of glucose all day. So she never was allowing her body to feel the hunger. And so your body is a wonderfully made thing and it will totally tell you and you just get really in tune with listening to it. And then as you [00:32:00] lose 10, 15, 20 pounds, you'll probably have to redial into what that feels like again.
And so it's like, well, I know I'm not overindulging anymore. So like, like Bridget, you said you're not feeling stuffed after meals anymore. And so if that's always what your, um, threshold of feeling. full is, then eventually you're going to be like, Oh, and now I don't even feel ever stuffed. So now I'm looking for what that new hunger satisfied feeling is.
And so always kind of keep checking back in with the body or saying, Hey, could I have just a few less bites and then see how my body feels this time. And so it might be like an experiment. And then in the waiting for it, you're like, well, that was an urge, not really a hunger cue or. This is kind of what my body's feeling now.
And so like every 10 pounds or so, just kind of rechecking back in with that hunger scale and what your body's telling you. Alrighty. That's all I have for [00:33:00] you guys today. So I will see you at your coaching sections and next week. Bye. Bye.
