09:05:02 Hey, hey! Welcome back to the Concierge Weight Loss Podcast. I'm Kara Hackleman, Certified Life and Weight Loss Coach.
09:05:09 Your personal cheerleader for doing this whole health journey your way.
09:05:13 And today, uh, we're going there. We're talking about the oh-so-sneaky, totally normal, and wildly frustrating patterns of self-sabotage.
09:05:23 Self-sabotage. Can't even get the word out. Sabotaging myself. If you've ever had one off-plan bite, and then decided, well, I've already ruined the day.
09:05:32 I might as well just eat everything in the pantry. This episode is for you.
09:05:36 If you've ever almost hit a goal and then stopped. Showing up, yep, been there too.
09:05:43 Self-sabotage is one of those things we don't always recognize until after it's happened. But today, we're gonna change that.
09:05:51 We're not just talking about what it looks like. I'm going to walk you through why we self-sabotage.
09:05:58 How to catch it, and the mindset shift that helped me. And so many of my clients.
09:06:04 Finally, they break free from the all-or-nothing, start over on Monday cycles. And I promise by the end of this, I'll be able to say that word, sabotage, correctly.
09:06:13 All right, let me paint a picture for you. It's Tuesday. I didn't follow my plan. Maybe I skipped lunch. Maybe I grabbed something quick and greasy.
09:06:23 Maybe I ate a cookie, or, you know, three. And immediately, I would… I would be spiraling. Oh, you blew it. Might as well just binge. Get all of it in before you have to be good again tomorrow. Might as well start over tomorrow.
09:06:36 This day is a complete waste. Does any of that sound familiar?
09:06:41 That used to be my pattern. I wasn't just making a mistake. I was punishing myself for not being perfect.
09:06:49 Instead of stepping into. Care and compassion for myself.
09:06:54 I'd just completely step out. I'd go full speed into, I don't care mode.
09:06:59 But, of course, I did care, I just didn't know how to handle the mistake.
09:07:05 Without judgment. Extreme judgment, let's be honest. One day, I heard something that changed my life.
09:07:13 It was simple. It's never too late to save the day.
09:07:18 Sounds simple, right? It's never too late to save the day. I thought, wait, what?
09:07:23 You mean I don't have to keep. Punishing myself for messing up. I don't have to waste the entire day, I don't have to wait for a fresh week, or even tomorrow morning.
09:07:32 I could just decide to stop. The spiral now.
09:07:38 That blew my mind, because for years, I thought success meant doing it right.
09:07:43 Being perfect. And when I couldn't be perfect, I just threw in the towel.
09:07:47 I didn't even realize that's why. That, of course, took coaching for me to understand that my throwing in the towel was linked to my perfection.
09:07:56 But it's never too late to save the day. That little phrase.
09:08:01 It taught me that I could reclaim. The moment. I could reclaim the day.
09:08:07 That the power, once it in being perfect, it was in what I chose next.
09:08:12 I stopped putting all my hope in rigid food plans and started leaning more into myself.
09:08:18 I could be the superhero that stepped in and said, okay, that didn't go as planned.
09:08:22 But here's what I'm gonna do next. And sometimes, it was super simple. That next step could be so small, like, I'm just gonna wait until I'm hungry again.
09:08:32 That one blew me, because I thought I had to make a big plan.
09:08:38 To counteract everything I'd messed up. And sometimes it's just deciding, like, nope, my next plan is to… To just… wait until I get hungry again before I eat.
09:08:48 Or maybe it was drink a glass of water. Or, honestly, maybe just take a breath.
09:08:53 It all counted. So, let me tell you about one of my clients. She had started moving more. Not formal workouts, just, you know, walking and stretching, a lot of it was even a chair.
09:09:05 Maybe I think she tried a little bit of weights occasionally, but, like, the little 1 to 3 pound weights, or something at the machine, but… Like, it wasn't anything major. It helped her joints feel better. She said that she was sitting less, and guess what? She was even noticing that she started eating less, because she wasn't just sitting there eating.
09:09:23 So, she started feeling a little more energized. Her joints were just a little bit better, right?
09:09:28 So she was doing amazing! I say amazing. She thought not good enough.
09:09:33 And then her brain went, this is great, let's make it a real workout plan.
09:09:38 You know, because everything she did before must have been fake.
09:09:41 So, she set up a strict schedule, mapped out what was gonna count, what didn't, where, and when, and how long, and.
09:09:47 She set up so many rules that when real life happened, which it always does.
09:09:52 She couldn't meet the rules. So instead of going back to the simple movements.
09:09:57 That felt good. She just did nothing. And that spiral, it returned. The pain, the overeating, and now.
09:10:05 Compound judgment on top of it all. So, together, we kind of unpacked that a little bit, and I asked her.
09:10:13 What if we go back to just moving in the way that helped you feel good?
09:10:16 And let's build from that. No rules, just some, you know, little bit of curiosity.
09:10:22 She realized that she didn't have to prove anything, she just had to keep showing up with compassion.
09:10:28 So, faster. More is not better.
09:10:33 So here's the deal. Self-sabotage. It isn't about being weak.
09:10:38 It isn't about anything other than just. Being human. We all want comfort. We want control, and most of all, we want to avoid pain.
09:10:49 But growth, real change, often it includes some discomfort. It's different, right?
09:10:54 And our brains, they hate that. They'll do whatever they can to stop it, including telling you it's not worth it.
09:11:03 Our convincing you to go ahead and eat all the foods, have a little binge before we have to be good again.
09:11:08 Rewarding you for being good with a treat, maybe, that unravels your progress. Does that sound familiar?
09:11:14 Here are just a few forms of sabotage that I see all the time.
09:11:19 So, I talked about perfectionism. If I can't do it right, I'm not gonna do it at all.
09:11:26 Um, quitting. Quitting to avoid the discomfort. And a lot of times, like I said, we don't always realize why we're quitting.
09:11:32 But quitting to avoid discomfort. This is too hard, I'll do it later, or I'll hear people even say, um, I'm too busy, I'll have to start when it's better, or.
09:11:43 Um, money's too tight right now. So then you do nothing. But, like, there's so much more you could do, right?
09:11:49 Um, self-judgment. I am a failure. I always mess this up. I'll never figure it out. I… I… it's just not in the cards for me.
09:11:58 I've told you before, that's where I started at. I knew that I was just gonna have to learn to be happy in the size of my body when I was at 230 pounds, because.
09:12:06 It wasn't gonna happen. And then I just tried this one thing.
09:12:10 So, that self-judgment, right? More is better. I should double my efforts to make up for lost time, get there faster.
09:12:19 Um, and deprivation. I can't have this. I can't have this if I'm gonna lose weight. I can't ever have this.
09:12:26 It has too much control over me, or depriving myself of this is actually better because it makes you a better person, it makes.
09:12:34 Your success better, whatever it is. Deprivation. So, any of those sound familiar, or maybe all of them, if you're like me.
09:12:41 So, your brain, it's hardwired to protect you, and that's a good thing. It is.
09:12:47 It sees change as dangerous, because it's unknown. Even if you want the change, your brain sees it as a risk. So, instead of pushing hard into massive, overhauled change.
09:12:59 I teach my clients to just scale it down. Smaller, simpler, with tons of grace, compassion, and curiosity.
09:13:07 We celebrate the awareness. Not just the goal of the scale moving or something, right? We want to celebrate the awareness that you have, that.
09:13:18 That you realize that when you're at Mexican restaurants, that, yeah, you want to eat all the chips and queso before your meal even comes.
09:13:24 The awareness. The attempt. Maybe you… you tried to go to bed on time, and you didn't. You stayed up 2 hours late because.
09:13:33 You're still learning how to unwind. But you attempted it, you went to bed, and then you laid there, maybe. Whatever it was.
09:13:39 The learning. Learning it. What did you learn from this? You learned that that wasn't the thing that was gonna work for you, or you learned that you didn't like Brussels sprouts, but you tried them, or… Or you learned a ton of things. You learned that your body likes something or doesn't.
09:13:54 So even when the outcome isn't perfect, the awareness, the attempt, and the learning.
09:14:00 That is something to celebrate. Because you can't grow without failing a little.
09:14:06 But failing doesn't have to mean that you have failed. It means that you're in.
09:14:11 The process. It means you're progressing, right? So, let's make this practical. Next time you're in self-sabotage moment.
09:14:21 Ask yourself. See how I said it right this time. Self-sabotage.
09:14:24 Ask yourself, if this were normal. Everything has happened exactly the way it was supposed to.
09:14:32 What would I learn from it? If I'm not judging myself, is what I'm asking you. If I'm not judging myself for how it happened, and it was supposed to be happening this way.
09:14:42 What would I have learned from it? And then what would I do next?
09:14:47 And then maybe my favorite, you could say, what's the next best decision I can make to save the day?
09:14:53 I love that save the day. What's the next best decision, my next choice I can make?
09:14:59 To save the day. Because it's… no matter how far off track you think you are, it's never too late to save the day.
09:15:06 And as soon as you start asking yourself that, you realize how much power you have.
09:15:11 And that criticism and self-judgment, it starts to go away. That doesn't mean you're not disappointed sometimes.
09:15:17 But it shows you, like, there's no reason to have that judgment about it, or that criticism.
09:15:23 And you start realizing your power, and how much control over every single thing you have.
09:15:29 And you get that practice, that repetition, that habit built up.
09:15:34 Of making decisions that support your weight loss. Because every moment, there are so many decisions. You know how it is as a woman.
09:15:43 We have made more decisions before breakfast than most people do.
09:15:48 So, you can make these. Small little choices to just save the day for yourself, too.
09:15:55 And hey, sometimes it's not failure we're afraid of. Sometimes it's actually success.
09:16:00 I've had clients tell me, what if I lose weight, and… what am I gonna have to do to actually maintain this?
09:16:06 So we don't want it to be hard if we're gonna have to worry about how to maintain it. It needs to be simple, sustainable for the long haul.
09:16:13 What if people treat me differently? That's what I've heard. Some people have been afraid that their friends would treat them differently, or their spouse.
09:16:21 Would… I've had just as many who thought their spouse would love them more when they're smaller weight.
09:16:30 Versus how many have thought that they wouldn't find them attractive anymore at a smaller weight.
09:16:35 I mean, honestly, it goes in all directions, so… and some will say, what if I gain it back?
09:16:41 Like, that would be so embarrassing. This is real, so if you've… you're secretly scared of success, I want you to know you're not broken. You're not weird, and you're definitely not alone.
09:16:52 It's just your brain doing. It's best to keep you safe.
09:16:57 But growth doesn't require fear. It just requires your next step.
09:17:02 And your willingness to stay curious. Self-sabotage, I almost messed it up again. Self-sabotage doesn't mean that you're weak.
09:17:11 It means your brain is trying to protect you the only way it knows how.
09:17:17 And you can teach it something new. You can pause, take a moment, reflect, choose the next best decision, again and again.
09:17:25 It's just the next best decision. Perfection isn't the goal. Progress is.
09:17:30 And you? You're doing better than you think. If this episode hit home, I want you to take the next step with me. Join my free webinar.
09:17:40 Dr. Secrets, how to lose weight and keep it off. You'll hear the simple, sustainable truths that real medical professionals wish you.
09:17:48 And more people like you knew. So, go to CoachingCara.com forward slash sign up and grab your spot.
09:17:55 Or, if you are, you're, like, ready for a personalized help, want to stop spinning in your own sabotage.
09:18:01 Book a free personalized solutions call with me at CoachingCara.com forward slash free call.
09:18:07 We'll talk through your goals, what's getting in your way, and exactly what to do next.
09:18:12 So, P.S. You don't have to do better before you get help.
09:18:16 You just have to show up right where you are. See you next week, when we talk about resilience and how to handle setbacks like a total boss.
