13:40:24 Have you ever said you were going to do something like start exercising, eat better, or finally use that new app you downloaded?
13:40:32 But then you didn't. And then I felt guilty about it. You feel terrible. You're not alone.
13:40:39 All right, so there's a difference here. Intention is not the same thing as decision.
13:40:46 I want to explain to you how an intention, it's more like a wish, an idea. It's a hope.
13:40:52 We think about doing something, but we don't actually decide to do it just yet.
13:40:58 However, decisions, they involve action and commitment and a plan. See how that's different? A decision looks like a time slot on your calendar, not a tab open in your brain.
13:41:09 Okay, let me tell you a story. So I have a client and she said I could share this with you.
13:41:14 She had this idea that she to exercise. And then she was reading this Mel Robbins book that's just come out called Let Them.
13:41:23 And so she's telling me during a coaching session. That she read procrastination comes from stress. So she wanted to talk about her procrastination with exercise.
13:41:37 We went on to talk about how she downloaded this app, couldn't get the app to work, all these things that she did with the app.
13:41:44 How she still wasn't doing the thing And she was feeling terrible about it, but she didn't understand how the procrastination was coming from stress.
13:41:53 It didn't feel stressful. So she was confused.
13:41:59 So through coaching, we uncovered that it was actually guilt. She felt guilty that she intended to start exercising. She even downloaded an app but hadn't followed through.
13:42:10 That guilt is what equaled her stress. And the stress equaled procrastination. So really, it was the avoidance of the guilt is what was causing her to procrastinate. She was trying to avoid that guilt. That's the stress of it.
13:42:25 She wasn't procrastinating because she was lazy. She was procrastinating to avoid feeling guilty.
13:42:31 So the real problem, she had made an intention, not a decision.
13:42:37 She thought she had made a decision. She thought she'd thought it all out, but that's the difference. And that's why coaching is amazing because I can listen to you and hear like.
13:42:46 Tell me what the plan was. She didn't actually have a plan.
13:42:50 So the difference is an intention. There's no plan. There's no time on the calendar, no commitment.
13:42:57 But she was holding herself accountable as if she had made all those commitments, all of the time blocks, all of the idea of exactly how it was supposed to be done.
13:43:06 She thought she had made a plan. So it's like blaming yourself for missing an appointment that you never actually scheduled. That's so different.
13:43:16 So a power of a decision. A decision comes with a schedule. It comes with boundaries and it gives you something to honor.
13:43:23 I explained to her that if she made an appointment with me, 90% of the time she will never break that appointment. And if she did, she would be very quick to rectify the situation, apologize, make another appointment but like
13:43:40 It just doesn't happen. If she makes an appointment, it's pretty much as good as done unless something outside of her control of that moment comes up.
13:43:47 So oftentimes we treat our intentions like decisions and then we beat ourselves up for not following through.
13:43:54 That's where that guilt and shame cycle starts. And a guilt shame cycle, I've talked about this many times before.
13:44:00 It feels terrible. And so then we do something to make ourselves feel better. In her case, it was avoiding the exercise because she thought that was making her feel terrible. It was already proof of how she's messed up and she's not doing it right and she's not doing it well enough.
13:44:16 That she wasn't even doing it. So let's just avoid it altogether so that we don't feel any more guilt and shame.
13:44:23 And then as we coached, we start seeing all this. So once everything starts clicking into place and she realizes she actually had hadn't decided.
13:44:34 It all clicked. She was able to make something doable and not overcommit.
13:44:39 I asked her, so now that we've made this decision, now that you've decided for sure this is a commitment.
13:44:46 Let's schedule it. What would that look like? How's this going to happen?
13:44:50 And so we were able to walk through it and I could hear her. It was her deciding thing after thing after thing and making decisions in place instead of being an intention that She hopes and wishes for, it became her reality.
13:45:05 We were able to see like, this is what she's going to do. We were able to talk through like what's going to need to happen for you to be able to do that. She still had some tech issues.
13:45:13 She needed to figure out how to use the app. So she was able to say, I'm going to sit down today 15 minutes, figure it out. If I can't figure it out, I know I friend on Monday who can help me with this.
13:45:25 That's a plan right there. That is a backup plan even.
13:45:28 She was able to decide when she wanted to work out, how often. The app she was looking at was a seven minute app. So it looked very enticing to her. She thought for sure she could commit to seven minutes.
13:45:41 And she decided she was going to do that two days a week.
13:45:44 It's easy to get in our heads and say, but that's not good enough. That's not enough to do anything.
13:45:50 It is a great thing to do. Everything you do is more than not doing something.
13:45:55 And it's always a great place to start. That's one of the ways I love asking my coaching clients, where would you like to start?
13:46:01 Because we don't need to have it all figured out right now. So she was able to say, I want to do this today. And if I can't, I want to do the seven minute app. And if not, then I'm going to go take a walk in the driveway.
13:46:12 She was able to have a backup plan for her backup plan. And two times a week.
13:46:16 She's going to feel super committed to two times a week because How could you not do that? It's so easy to do it that it'll be easier for her to get it done.
13:46:27 She forgot in our coaching that she had already been working on this.
13:46:33 She totally minimized everything that she had already done. She'd already given herself so much flexibility. She used to think that she could only go to the gym and work out.
13:46:43 Now she's given herself the gym. She's given herself this app. Another thing she said, some some seated class thing and even walking outside She had gone to so much lengths of trying to figure out the tech that she had even hand wrote out what she was supposed to do.
13:47:01 To at least be able to do that. And so she wasn't giving herself any of that credit of what she was doing. So we were able to get her to recognize during her coaching what all she was already doing. She had been taking action, but minimizing and dismissing it because it wasn't giving herself, she wasn't giving herself any of the credit.
13:47:22 Her guilt was blinding her to the progress she was already making.
13:47:28 So big takeaway here. Ready? Ask yourself, have I really decided or am I just intending?
13:47:37 Is there a commitment on my calendar or is it still just in my head?
13:47:41 Am I giving myself credit for the steps I am taking?
13:47:46 Are you? I can tell you when I was losing weight, I did not always do that. I would have a lot of intentions, but I would treat them as if they had been appointments on the calendar that I'd failed.
13:47:59 Where I never scheduled it in the first place. Mine was a lot of times putting rules around how it had to look a certain way.
13:48:06 But I wasn't actually making the decision to do anything because I didn't really like my decisions sometimes.
13:48:14 When you make a plan, you're making a decision. And then my job as your coach is to make sure that it's realistic, it's doable, that it's kind and caring to you that it's actually helpful. And so as I coach my client through that, we were able to make that so that it was a very doable plan. And it's a great stepping stone for anything she wants to do in the future.
13:48:38 And she's able to feel proud of herself while she's doing it.
13:48:42 And not feel any of the guilt. She said, as soon as she realized it was actually never a plan.
13:48:48 It was an intention. All of that guilt and shame fell away. She's like, I feel so much lighter.
13:48:54 She said, it just feels easier to even make the plan now when I'm not already feeling so bad about it.
13:49:00 So I want you to make some small, real decisions. Stop punishing yourself.
13:49:06 For any intentions that you haven't acted on and just decide, is this something I really want? Why do I want it? What would it have to look like? Is there anything I need to learn first? Or how would I figure this out?
13:49:18 Calendar it, put it on paper if it's like something that's not going to go on the calendar. Maybe you say something like, I want to have a vegetable in my meals.
13:49:28 Twice this week. Something super doable, something that it would be intentional not to do.
13:49:35 We're making intentional, real decisions here. All right. Next time you say you want to start something, ask yourself when, where, and how, and make it real. That's a decision. That's when things change.
13:49:49 I want to offer you something here, okay? If you're realizing that you've been stuck in intention land and you're ready to actually start making some decisions that move you forward on your weight loss.
13:50:01 I've got two simple ways to help. First, you can grab my free quick start course. It'll walk you through the basics of how to lose weight without overwhelm or a strict diet. Super simple.
13:50:13 Totally doable or If you're ready to take some action today, if you've got questions or want help figuring out what your next steps look like.
13:50:22 You can schedule a free personalized solutions call. We'll get clear on where you are.
13:50:26 And where you want to go, what you want to do next to actually get started. Choose what feels best for you today. You know what you have.
13:50:36 Where you're ready at. Either way, I've got you. Just head over to coachingkara.com.
13:50:41 Forward slash free course if you want to go that direction or coaching cara.com forward slash free call.
13:50:47 And take that first real step. I'll see you next time.
