09:35:43 Feel like no matter what you do, someone else is doing it better.
09:35:49 Whether it's weight loss, fitness, or just life in general. Comparison can be brutal.
09:35:55 Today we're going to talk about why comparison steals your progress.
09:36:00 And your joy, how it keeps you stuck and what to do instead.
09:36:04 So you can focus on your journey and actually making weight loss feel doable.
09:36:09 If you struggle with this, you are not alone. The comparison trap. Why do we compare ourselves to others Social media is telling us what is in and good and what we should strive for.
09:36:24 Our friends, we love them and we love them See them, our friends and family, and we want to be doing what they're doing, whether it's to create that friendship, that bond, or because we're a little bit jealous And we even compare ourselves to past versions of ourselves.
09:36:41 As a weight loss coach, I hear often about people and their goal for what they want to lose. And one of the questions sometimes I asked was when was the last time you weighed that?
09:36:51 Just to get an idea. And sometimes they're like, I've never weighed that. Maybe when I was a child.
09:36:56 And so we have these ideas of what we're supposed to do, supposed to's and shoulds are always words that are very triggering for my clients.
09:37:04 So story time. I myself have compared my my journey and my body and my experience to those of everyone else around me.
09:37:15 If you were doing a diet and getting success, I would want to fully abandon everything I was doing, even if I was having success.
09:37:22 To think yours might be different. It's that shiny object syndrome that we talk about, right? Something else is always better or easier or it's what we should be doing. We're supposed to be. It's supposed to look this way.
09:37:36 I'm guilty of it too. I have not just admired other people's strength, their body, their hair, their skin, their shape, their size, whatever it is, their ability to lose weight.
09:37:49 But I have like i have thoroughly, thoroughly wanted it as my own and then compared myself that I wasn't living up to the expectation. Just because somebody else had something different or looked a little different or had a different size.
09:38:07 The mental drama that comparison creates.
09:38:11 She's losing weight faster than me. So I must be doing something wrong. Why can she eat dessert and still lose weight, but I can't.
09:38:19 Let me tell you another story. So I have this friend named Debbie and I don't know if she's going to listen to this or not, but she won't care if I tell you this story.
09:38:28 So we both were losing weight. She's lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for quite a long time. So we've met each other along our own weight loss journeys.
09:38:37 And she was talking about a win one day about how she was bringing two king size candy bars for every single day that she was going camping. And I had all the thoughts in my head. First, it was how in the world is she going to lose weight or maintain her weight loss eating two king size candy bars every single day of her camping trip?
09:38:58 And then I thought, she's not supposed to do that. Then I thought, why can't I do that. And so this whole comparison tornado exploded all over me.
09:39:09 I think sometimes I should be further along by now. I've heard so many of my clients say that. I should have been further along by now. I had someone the other day that thought, I've already made so many changes. I should never have to make more. And so it's all of this comparison.
09:39:25 It creates so much mental drama. How this affects us is in our motivation.
09:39:32 It leads us to discouragement and giving up way too soon. It makes us ignore our own wins Because we are too focused on what someone else is doing.
09:39:43 And it turns weight loss into a race. Instead of it just being a lifestyle change, a way that we take care of ourselves.
09:39:51 I am a CrossFitter. I did it in the beginning because it was a structured way to get my muscles moving and I didn't have to think about it.
09:39:59 But I can tell you, I look back at my journey and I have had so much pride, but I didn't always.
09:40:08 For so long, I thought it's supposed to be like this. I shouldn't have to scale everything.
09:40:14 I should be doing what they're doing. I shouldn't be the last one.
09:40:18 That's finishing up. I shouldn't have to lower my weights. I should or shouldn't, shouldn't, shouldn't, right?
09:40:23 Shoulds and shouldn'ts all over ourselves. It was really hard. And there are a few times I cried quite hard because I thought I was doing it all wrong and I was an embarrassment and a failure and it wasn't good enough.
09:40:37 But guess what? It is good enough. I'm doing better than all the people that are sitting on their couches. And so that was maybe my first thought.
09:40:46 I'm doing something. And I was listening to my body. And the only reason why I was scaling was because of what my knees were saying or what I, my ability was that specific day. And so The thoughts in my head
09:41:00 About not being good enough they would end up making it so that I didn't even want to try because it wasn't going to be good enough.
09:41:07 What I realized was… flawed thinking. I'm not even comparing apples to apples.
09:41:14 If we're talking about with the CrossFit, some of those people are younger than me. Some of them don't have autoimmune conditions or they don't have knee pain or they don't have Like whatever the thing is I'm doing. Maybe they've been doing it longer or they're just have genetics that are different makeup than I do. There's so many things. It's not apples to apples.
09:41:33 Different body types and metabolisms, stress levels. Life circumstances, genetics. We have nothing to do with genetics.
09:41:41 And yet, there are all reasons why it's not comparing apples to apples here.
09:41:47 We have to understand there's too many reasons why it's not the exact same.
09:41:53 So two people doing the exact same thing, but seeing different results. Why?
09:41:56 It could be medications. It could be hormones. We're talking about weight loss here.
09:42:00 It could be that one person's on medications. It could be that two people are both on medications and one's genetics are different or their hormones are different or they have something else.
09:42:09 And yeah, it could be lifestyle. The highlight reel versus the reality is Social media only shows you the wins.
09:42:18 Rarely do people show you the struggles. How many times have you seen like somebody really share so much about their relationship and how mad they are at their husband. And then they don't ever tell you that they're happy again
09:42:31 And you're like, oh, I thought you guys were for sure going to break up after that long, crazy post, right?
09:42:36 And so people will show you the extremes. They don't show you all the day-to-day stuff. And so, and usually you're not getting to see the bad stuff. You're looking at this dream life from the outside.
09:42:46 You're only seeing their best photos or the ones from the perfect lighting and angles, right?
09:42:52 And so it only shows you what they want you to show you. It doesn't show you the struggles. It doesn't show you the every single day, day in, day out.
09:43:01 People don't post about that bad stuff, the setbacks or the moments they wanted to quit.
09:43:06 They're just posting the wins. And so what are your wins?
09:43:12 Let's make different things your wins. We don't have to have everything be Instagram post worthy.
09:43:18 Along the journey. Your journey isn't linear. It's going to be up and down and sideways. And then sometimes it's going to feel like you ran out of gas and it's all stalled.
09:43:26 That's what our journey is. And the journey doesn't stop unless you stop. So are you taking a breather?
09:43:32 Are you taking a quick breath and getting back on track?
09:43:35 Are you learning from your mistakes? What is it? Some weeks.
09:43:38 You're going to lose weight. And some weeks you're going to maintain. Some weeks you're going to gain, but none of it means you're a failure. None of it means let's stop doing this.
09:43:48 It just means keep going. Girl, you're doing something. Keep going. Figuring things out, learning, trying.
09:43:56 Trying is the most amazing thing ever. Trying doesn't mean that you have it all right. Doesn't mean it's the fastest. It doesn't mean anything other than that you're willing to to do something. That's what trying is. It's my absolute favorite word.
09:44:09 What are you trying this week? Because it doesn't have to be the thing forever. It's just the trying.
09:44:16 How do we stay in our own lane? Right? So you're going to measure progress your way.
09:44:21 You're going to use data that matters to you. Maybe it is the scale, but maybe it's energy levels or your mood or the way your clothing fits.
09:44:30 Maybe it's those mindset shifts. We've not said anything negative all day.
09:44:35 Compared ourselves to somebody else or we've not put someone else down even if it's in our own mind.
09:44:41 Non-scale victories are going to be huge. Fitting into a booth comfortably or walking about without pain, feeling more confident.
09:44:50 I think that sometimes I just think I smile more and I'm like, that's kind of a win. Or I haven't said anything negative about my body this week.
09:44:58 Doesn't mean that like I love every part of it. It just means like, it's not what I'm focusing on.
09:45:04 So I like to create this past me versus present me mindset. Instead of she lost this many pounds like maybe let's say she lost 10 pounds And I only lost three.
09:45:19 Comparing myself to somebody else. Maybe I might say, I lost three pounds more than I had before.
09:45:26 If you must compare, compare yourself to yourself. I think that anything I've done I love that as i love that as what i have tried what worked, what didn't work, it's all information.
09:45:43 If I'm noticing that I'm looking at others, I like it to be that I'm not comparing myself down.
09:45:50 I'm like, hmm, is that anything? It's like research. I'm looking at you and I'm like, is that something I would want? It's almost like trying on a new hat or something.
09:45:59 You're doing this. Is that something I would want to try? I don't know. Maybe let's see. Yeah, I might try that. Or I definitely don't want to do that, but like How could I do something else?
09:46:11 Is that even an outfit I would ever want to try on? Or is how you're losing weight? Like maybe you're sticking to the Mediterranean type foods of that diet.
09:46:21 And you're like, is that something I would want? And then you can think about what the benefit is.
09:46:25 That's the only kind of comparison when you're doing it outside of yourself.
09:46:29 Otherwise, only compare within yourself. So comparison outside of yourself Absolutely. Get some appreciation. It's like looking at art. I like that out And then the next thing is do I want to do something similar?
09:46:44 And it's a decision I'm making, something I'm just learning about trying something on.
09:46:52 You can curate your own environment. So unfollow or mute those accounts on social medias that make you feel less than.
09:47:01 I have told my husband, this is not something I'm willing to talk about.
09:47:06 Because he had a little bit of a critical tone one day and he absolutely loves and supports me.
09:47:11 But it was just something that I was like, nope, I'm triggered by this. So it's not something I'm willing to talk about today. It's something I'm still working through.
09:47:18 And I don't feel confident enough yet talking about this. And he just looked at me like, all righty then And it had nothing to do with him. I just knew that I wasn't in a place to not Compare, to not feel less than and so
09:47:33 I want to make sure that I can always make it so that I can feel like I'm just doing my best. I'm just taking care of myself.
09:47:40 And so sometimes I stop conversations. So unfollow and mute people on social media. You don't have to completely unfriend them. You can unfollow or mute. It doesn't even tell them.
09:47:50 If it's some organization or sometimes you know how these algorithms are, we start seeing a lot of things that I don't really want to see. And so I can hit hide I can say stop sending me things like all kinds of things. We have so many options. And then find supportive spaces that encourage
09:48:10 The realistic sustainable progress. Find maybe a group that you do like to go into. I noticed that I don't like to be in groups where everybody's just complaining.
09:48:20 We have a local group. That people just gossip on. There's not really anything of value in there very often to me. My husband loves it. He loves hearing what what business slighted somebody this week or who is upset about what? I don't want to know about all that. And so I just…
09:48:40 Mute mine so I don't see it, but I can always go back and look and see if like, oh, we're, you know, what's that new building going in here? Is that a restaurant or a store? I can go look at it then, but like.
09:48:51 With my weight loss, I did not want to follow some people that were talking about diets that I no longer am interested in. So I got rid of all of those.
09:49:00 Or sometimes I would be like. I don't like how much certain influencers are talking about like you're supposed to have a thigh gap or you're supposed to look like this or everybody should feel like they wear belly shirts or
09:49:16 Whatever the thing is, sometimes they get a little over the top with it and I just don't want to hear about it. I can say sometimes it triggers me or it gives me the ick and I don't want to to follow that anymore. So you can get rid of it.
09:49:29 I want you to find joy in your journey. If you don't enjoy the process, you're not going to stick with it. And so not everything's going to be comfortable. We're not looking at it being all rainbows and daisies, but it doesn't have to be so daggone hard either, ladies.
09:49:44 I want you to shift from I have to lose weight I get to take care of my body.
09:49:50 I think maybe a year or two ago I noticed that I kept saying, you know, I'm really good at taking care of my body. I am really good at listening to what my body I notice quickly now, like I'm so in tune that like something didn't feel right in my stomach. And then I question it. Is it the food? Was it a combination? Was something else going on? What's happening? And I just make mental notes about
09:50:14 How my body likes to be taken care of. Maybe it's in certain times or like, you know, whether it's your time of the month or whether it's the winter versus the summer or my activity level. I just know so much about my body, which is good because it's been with me my whole life, right?
09:50:29 So if I know how to take care of it better than anybody else.
09:50:34 I absolutely can. I've just learned so much about it. I'm so appreciative of what it does for me and I hope it's appreciative of me trying to take care of it.
09:50:43 All right, in closing, all right, comparison. It steals your joy, your motivation and progress.
09:50:50 The solution? Focus inward. Track your own wins and make weight loss personal to you.
09:50:58 What's one thing you're willing to tell me that you're winning at this week. My clients love when this happens. I don't think they do, but They'll tell me their win and it usually sounds a little negative.
09:51:10 And I'm like, okay. And how was that a win and some I had a coaching session about a week ago and I was like, listen to her whole story And then I said, and what were five wins in that story? Because she was definitely venting and blowing off steam. But like I heard wins and successes even in it.
09:51:30 And she didn't hear it. So I want you to start switching your mindset so that you can hear, you can recognize it's like wearing Special glasses that let you only see the winds. And so everything else isn't important. I just want to know about the winds.
09:51:45 And so everything else is stuff we're learning from. But when we call it a win, I want it to really be a win. And sometimes when we look at what a small win is, we're going to dismiss it. So I want you to find the wins. I want you to find all those small wins and let them be wins and feel like.
09:52:01 That's my win for this moment. It doesn't have to be the win for the month. It doesn't have to be the win for the entire weight loss journey. It's just a small win in this moment today. What is it?
09:52:12 Reply to this and tell me I want to hear what your wins are. I'd love to celebrate with you.
09:52:20 If you are ready to stop the comparison game and start making progress in a way that actually works for you.
09:52:26 I've got two great options. First, if you just are getting started and you want a simple, doable plan, I want you to grab my five-day free quick start course. Go to coachingkara.com forward slash coach.
09:52:44 Free course and you can get that. It'll walk you through exactly what to focus on so you can stop over complicating weight loss.
09:52:52 If you have tried things and you are feeling stuck I want to talk to you. Book a free personalized solutions call. Go to coachingkara.com forward slash free call. So free course.
09:53:04 Free call, coachingkara.com, free course or free call. We'll figure out what's been holding you back and how to move you forward. I really want to help.
