09:56:56 Happy New Year. So many of us are starting resolutions or at least reflecting on the year.
09:57:02 Whether it was the last year or this year, many of us have these type of habits this time of year.
09:57:08 I want to talk to you about that because not all of it is great and not all of it is bad.
09:57:13 So how do you know if it's beneficial or not? So many people have had resolutions give given such a bad rap. And I guess it doesn't really have to. It kind of matters more what you're making it mean.
09:57:30 So most people fail at resolutions. They just don't work. Because they put a lot of should in there.
09:57:38 You've heard me talk so many times about that should word. People say you're shooting all over yourself. Yes, it's supposed to sound like something else.
09:57:46 Or the other one is supposed to. I'm supposed to. So like should and supposed to. I should be doing this. I shouldn't be doing that. I'm supposed to do it that way.
09:57:57 And so a lot of times it comes down to our relationships. It comes down to what food we're eating or how we're exercising with the shape of our body is, what it looks like.
09:58:09 How much money we make, our careers, all of those things, they have lots of expectation around them.
09:58:15 And so when that happens. A lot of times we set these things unrealistically, unrealistic expectations. That's where those resolutions are coming from is that unrealistic type thinking.
09:58:27 And so we don't really even want it sometimes. So when you start with why do I even want this? Why is this important to me?
09:58:35 That'll right there clear up so much of why it would have failed from the beginning if you don't even want it, you think you're supposed to have it or you should want to do it or it's supposed to be this way.
09:58:47 The other one is so many times we set the bar so high and If we are thinking that we are not good enough as is. We are not okay enough. We're not doing our best right now, then we think that we need to be so much better.
09:59:05 Whether it's our weight, I'm a weight loss coach, so that is exactly what I hear time and time again. I am going to get busy and I'm going to lose the weight this year.
09:59:14 I am going to buckle down. I'm going to do the things. And all of that doesn't sound very loving or very compassionate.
09:59:22 And many times it's because we're so uncomfortable. We're uncomfortable in our relationship. Maybe we think that our marriage is suffering. And if we just looked more attractive to the partner that it would be a better marriage. Many times that our health is suffering. And so we
09:59:41 Are completely obsessed with being healthier and buying all the vitamins and all the new things But what we're really doing is we're just overeating because our emotions are not being tended to.
09:59:54 And so there's many different avenues. Maybe we think we should be making more money because we're not going on the big vacations like our neighbors or our friends are, or we're not, maybe we just came after the holidays. Maybe you thought that you weren't living up to the expectation of what gifting was supposed to look like for the holiday.
10:00:14 So you need more money. You need a better job. You're not getting recognized enough at work. There's a lot of expectation in all of that.
10:00:22 So as you decide if you want to make some resolutions this year, I want you to figure out why you even want them.
10:00:29 Who told you you're supposed to or should when those things come up? How do you know that's even how it's supposed to be?
10:00:35 And then I want you to ask yourself like Why would this be better? How could it be better?
10:00:41 If it is like, why is this thing the only way to do it? Is there another way? Is it just because of a circumstance like is it even something I could change? That's one that's always great. When people go out with the
10:00:56 The path to change something And then they find out that has nothing to do with it.
10:01:01 And so many times I started the examples with marriage many times your marriage has nothing to do with the shape of your body.
10:01:10 Very rarely does it ever. And even those times, it usually has something to do with your partner.
10:01:16 Less to do about you. And so let's go after the thing that it actually is, not the thing that we think we're supposed to beat ourselves into submission to make it right and better.
10:01:28 So I like to spend some time each year as we come into the new year do some reflection. That's what I like. So I'm not so much about resolution. I really love reflection and I really love intention.
10:01:43 And with the reflection and the intention, it gives me some time to just think.
10:01:49 It gives me a moment of pause to consider what did I like or what didn't I?
10:01:57 What actually happened this year and so I found it's called the year compass. And so it's a free booklet that is put out and you can donate to them. They say, if you want to help them with you know getting
10:02:15 In more languages or whatever. But anyway, this is very short a little booklet that you answer their questions.
10:02:22 And it's just for you. If you don't want to answer them all, don't. If you want to keep it private, great. If you want to answer it with friends, do that too. I'll put this in the link for sure.
10:02:32 How to get the free booklet. But I did that this year as my time of reflection.
10:02:37 And how it started. Was it asked me to look at the past year. So go through my calendar. I went through my calendar digital calendar now. And so I kind of went quickly through my calendar. I could have easily looked through some of my assessment type things, whether it was for my weight loss or for my business or
10:02:57 Whatever it was, but all of my things are on my digital calendar. And I went through the calendar and I forgot so many times that we went places with friends or family. I forgot how many events we had or Even how many trips we had.
10:03:13 I love hiking. And I totally forgot I had taken two hikes with my son and his fiance and their dog. I love hiking. I was ending the year thinking, I have not made any time for hiking this whole year.
10:03:27 And as I went through my phone, I looked at all of the photos on my phone and I found some photos from this year that I had totally forgotten about that.
10:03:37 It's hard to assess a year when you don't even remember what made it significant. And so I just kind of went through. So one of the questions it had it broke down. And so as I went through the calendar, as I went through the photos, I wrote down some things that I thought were significant.
10:03:54 For me, my self-care is very significant. So I even wrote down things like I went to the dentist or I had a physical or I had an annual with this one, or I went to a dermatologist, like any of the things that i did
10:04:08 I thought, oh, like this is great self-care. And so I had a list of concerts that we went to. I had a list of travel that we did, a lot of things that were very exciting, some education that I took and learned.
10:04:22 Some new things that I tried, lots of different areas. I hired a coach for myself this year.
10:04:29 Things that I felt either were something, they were significant in some way, something I wanted to remember or something that I'm going to want to tweak for the next year.
10:04:39 So I just wrote down all the significance. Then I went through and there were different areas that asked me to think about. And in the same way. And so in my personal life, my relationships or my family, friends, how I interact in the community.
10:04:55 And so you might not have something for every category, but it does trigger your brain. I really liked this.
10:05:03 This little workbook booklet that they had. And so I don't need to reinvent the wheel. I'm just going to link it for you. Many times we think about like what we learned or what's going on in our career. Those are important to us to watch.
10:05:17 How as we reflect for the year. I said, my self-care, my exercise I was really impressed that i was really impressed I don't feel like I have to exercise every day or whatever days anymore But I really enjoy it and so i really enjoy it so
10:05:34 I don't have that thought anymore that I have to do it so that I can maintain my weight loss.
10:05:40 I really enjoy being strong. I really love feeling that accomplishment as I'm trying things I wouldn't have Who in the world would ever try to do handstands for just the sheer thing of doing it. I don't know. But like CrossFit has me doing things that I've never tried before, or I wouldn't try outside of there on my own. And so I feel very
10:06:04 Accomplished in what I can do. There were different habits. It asked, what habits define you, which was a neat way of asking that.
10:06:12 And so I had some ideas for what habits define me.
10:06:18 I definitely had fitness in there and what that would look like. I feel like my self-care is on point and I'm always adjusting it so it's not one and done.
10:06:30 But I am really good at hearing what my body needs and making sure it happens. And that pivots all the time. It's always shifting and changing based on what's going on. And I think that I'm really good at hearing what my body needs now.
10:06:45 The other one was, what did you do to leave the world a little better place?
10:06:51 And you will have an answer for this. If at first you think I did nothing.
10:06:56 Think about your relationships with your people. Think about some of the things that you've done or if you're married or you have children, like just think about in those areas. And so in some ways, I was an example to other people And a couple of the biggest ones.
10:07:12 Was that I noticed I learned acceptance this year.
10:07:18 Acceptance of myself first and how much that carried over into other people. I said I hired a coach this year.
10:07:25 The coach really helped me with some enough So still some thoughts of self-worth not being quite there, self-confidence not being right there.
10:07:35 And I'm honest with you like Just because you lose weight does not mean that your confidence goes through the roof or your self-worth, like how you think about your body and yourself.
10:07:47 I have great thoughts about myself. That doesn't mean they're always great thoughts. And so when I notice that it's more than I'm able to process on my own, I get help.
10:07:56 And so I hired the coach this year and we worked on a lot of that. It was amazing how much a little effort had great results for me. So some decisions, some lessons, risks, surprises Anything that you completed. It was really nice to go through and do some reflection with this booklet.
10:08:16 And so it asks you like, what were you proud of? Who influenced you? Who did you influence?
10:08:29 Forgive the world, whatever it is, and then let it go. And that's a nice way to end the year.
10:08:34 So then it switches over to planning for the new year.
10:08:38 And it was a lot of fun because it kind of does the whole thing with some slightly different questions in reverse.
10:08:45 And so I noticed there are some areas of my life that I want to be a little more present in.
10:08:52 I am… a multitasker, I'm imagining most of you women can hear that and understand that we all kind of do that. You know, we're Watching TV, paying the bills and trying to have a conversation with our husband.
10:09:07 Are our children. And so we're doing lots of things all at once. And I just want to be a little more present I noticed too that i would feel more present.
10:09:18 Without the TV on. At the end of the year, did not watch as much TV. A lot of times I found we'd come home from work and neither of us turned the TV on because my intention was to try to read some books I wanted to finish up.
10:09:32 And so I was reading books instead, but I noticed if he started talking to me, I could be so much more present With a book in my lap than a TV. And most of the time he'd ask me, what are you watching? I'm like, oh, I don't even know what I'm watching. I was so zoned out.
10:09:47 And not saying TV's bad because I definitely intend to have TV time this year too, but I'm noticing how different I feel when it's books that I'm consuming. And so I was doing some book reading last year. I started switching between fiction, nonfiction.
10:10:05 Some entertainment reading. It was just a lot of fun. And so I love reading books and it was something that kind of reignited in me in the end of the year.
10:10:14 Presents, books, little less TV, not because it's bad but just because I like how it feels. So with my weight loss, let's talk about that because that was something else that I dialed into this year.
10:10:28 I had gained about half of what I'd lost before back.
10:10:32 I've been very honest with everybody as that happened and I decided… Let's look at that. Why is that happening?
10:10:42 And so there was still some stuff to clean up. I was still thinking sometimes that I needed to have a plan and it had to look a very certain way. And so I was able to break apart from that.
10:10:54 I had my coach have me not plan for the last part of the year. And in doing that, it brought up some more of that perfectionism that I still had.
10:11:04 That it's amazing because I thought it was gone. I thought most of that had been dealt with and worked through and yet still there were some there.
10:11:14 And it was in a new way, it was almost like perfectionism that I thought were serving me.
10:11:19 And so I learned how to lean into myself And my ability to make decisions. And so as I teach.
10:11:27 You're working with your hunger. Are you hungry? Let's eat. If you've had just enough.
10:11:34 Stop. We don't need to overeat anymore because food is not scarce. We're not on diets. We're not taking any food groups away or any amount of food.
10:11:42 If you're hungry, you will eat. You're always listening to what feels good in your body and you're doing what your body needs.
10:11:49 And satisfying what you want. And so as I teach that, I truly believe it. And then I realized I was still writing plans because they were helpful.
10:11:59 Because then I had food in the house. But I was also kind of living by those like I would never break a plan and things like that. And that wasn't serving me anymore. And so it gave me that boost of confidence. So as I worked with the coach and as I did some of that.
10:12:16 In the after end of the year, it was nice. It was really nice to gain that confidence in myself again And in exactly what I'm teaching. And so it was so nice to be able to see. And I'm normal. I am a normal person. We have these
10:12:32 Thoughts and sometimes we go back into our old thinking and that is exactly what a coach helps with is to identify some of that So that when it doesn't feel like you're doing that to yourself, you're not recognizing it, they see it. They can ask you.
10:12:46 Some questions that bring some of that out. Things that you've kind of skipped by and you haven't quite sat down and addressed for yourself yet.
10:12:57 So New Year's resolutions in and of themselves typically don't work because most of the time they're very transactional, do this or don't do that because you should or shouldn't something.
10:13:08 And so as that's happening, you're feeling like it's just an expectation of yourself, whether it's self-imposed or from the world imposed or maybe family, who knows.
10:13:20 But society something is imposing that expectation on you. So why do you want to do it?
10:13:24 And then how can it be very small and manageable? So as I'm wrapping this up.
10:13:31 I heard somebody say that they recommend writing out some resolutions, dream big, whatever it is you want to do, and then don't look at it again the rest of the year.
10:13:40 I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's very interesting because I know I like to at the end of the year, do the reflection that I've walked you through But I love seeing what was interesting to me last year because it shows me how far I've like what is still interesting to me or what I've grown past or is no longer interesting to me.
10:14:05 I don't know that there's a right or a wrong way. If it hurts you, I would say like we should look If it's helping you, great. Let's see what that does too.
10:14:15 But I did hear a recommendation that you do out your resolutions.
10:14:20 And I think they did it more like a wish list or a dream big list.
10:14:25 I could see how that one would be fun to put away and then see what actually happens for the year because In part of the booklet that I'm recommending, the end part is dream big. And so what would be some secret wishes if like there was nobody there to judge them?
10:14:41 And those would be fun to see what happens next year. But the part I'm talking mostly about has the expectations. People put these huge expectations on themselves.
10:14:52 And I just want you to know that I want you to dare to dream big. I do. I want you to dare to dream so big, but I want it to be very loving I want it to be so loving and so
10:15:06 Compassionate for yourself and for others. And so figure out what your interests are figure out what sounds like something you'd like to learn this year.
10:15:18 Is there an area that you need some acceptance, some area that you'd like to grow?
10:15:23 And that why, why is that something that interests you? And make sure that it doesn't have that expectation of what's supposed to be.
10:15:33 And it could just be your curiosity and that's fine too. There's not really a wrong reason. I just want you to look at why you have the resolution.
10:15:43 We can do that together. We can make it very small bite-sized pieces of of idea, of resolution, of something you're wanting to try. See how it all fits together.
10:15:57 Some intention. That's what I like. As you're figuring out resolutions for the year, remember my favorite are reflections.
10:16:10 Being able to try anything. All right. I hope you had a great 2024 and I cannot wait to hear about your 2025.
10:16:19 If this is something that interests you, maybe you want to run your resolutions by me and see what is possible for the year. See if there's anything that I hear that I can help you with.
10:16:30 Go ahead and set up a call. I do free calls. They're consultations to see if we would be a good fit to work together. I'm a life coach and a weight loss coach. And so I help people lose weight. I help people have the life they really want. And so just set up a free call. The website is www.coachingkara.com forward slash free call.
