2022 - 12:7 Fb Live Audio Public
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Coaching Kara podcast. I am Kara Hackleman. I'm a certified life and weight loss coach. I help people just like you lose weight for the last time. Primarily people are a little people pleasing, a little procrastinating, and maybe a little perfectionistic. I can help you overcome those so that you can finish losing weight and get out of your own way.
Join me each week to get a little motivation and a lot of inspiration.
All righty, let's see here. All right, so today I'm Kara Hackelman. You are on my page, you are on Concierge Weight Loss, uh, and we are going to talk about cheat days today. So with the holidays, all I've heard about is getting to cheat a little bit. I've heard about, um, Let's see, what else have I heard about getting to indulge and get all the [00:01:00] extra right?
That's, that is the things that I've heard about with, um, with the holidays. So what I wanna talk about are cheat days or what we think about cheat days. So when we think about our cheat days, what we're thinking is that something is so hard that we need. To have some relief from it. Right. That's, that's why we want to cheat day.
We want a day where we don't have to think about anything and we don't have, um, any restriction. We can do whatever we want. Right. And so when you start thinking. I, I don't want to have any restriction. That tells me, red flag, you're restricting yourself, right? So restriction, definitely, it puts in your mind that you're doing something you don't want to do.
And nobody wants to be told what they don't want to do. That's what they have to do. The word should and have to, and all those things come into play. And nobody wants to hear that. [00:02:00] So when you are. doing things that you want to do, how would it look? Okay. So when we look at it, what exactly is it that you want?
Let's be specific. I took a course recently on binge eaters and emotional eaters and all of that kind of stuff. It was so interesting. They use this term that they call matching food. And so when you're planning your food, What it has to match it has to match what you want has to match how you need it to be.
It has to match like a feel good in your body. And so if you're not taking the time to make the matches, then there is a disconnect, whether it's in what you're wanting and like not having, or if it's Too much of something. Um, not enough of something, of course, or it's just not what you even like, whatever it is, right?
Your body doesn't respond well to that kind of food. So they talk [00:03:00] about I have the worst night thing. Um, there we go. Um, so they talk about making these food matches. And the food matches were so interesting to get to hear how they went through it because, you know, we're, we're all on some path of weight loss, if you're listening to this, and we're used to diet culture telling us what you cannot have or what you're supposed to eat.
And sometimes you like it and sometimes you don't. And you get really used to Where you go for as long as you can not having what you really want the way you want it so that you can try to lose weight and you do that until you're so tired and so frustrated that you quit and you usually end with thinking that you're not good enough.
This was not the right diet for you. It's not in the cards for you. I've heard so many different things. It's heartbreaking, right? We're really, it was deprivation. That [00:04:00] was what was causing the problem. You were depriving and your body has this built in ability to stop you from doing that. It's called an urge, a craving, right?
So our body, when it. Has been deprived for so long. It thinks that you are trying to start it. And it doesn't know the difference between you being intentional doing it. It doesn't know if it's being done to you. It just knows it's it's got deprivation going on. And so it wants to save you at all costs.
It wants to save you, which is nice. We like to be saved. And so it's this, it's this built in ability for our body to say, you're not going to starve, I won't let you. And it amps up cravings and it tries to get food in any way it can. And so it'll create this really strong urge or craving that you just have to have some food.
And. Then you want to eat. Well, when you bring in this whole diet mentality, what happens is you're fighting that urge [00:05:00] and that craving. And that's a natural thing. And so instead just think about what is it that I want, like. Think about food. Like I'm telling you, think about the food. What is it that you want?
Are you wanting something hot or cold? Are you wanting something sweet or salty or savory? What about texture? Like, is it need to be like, are you looking for something crunchy or smooth? Like, what is it that is like, uh, and then I heard this, uh, instructor say, um, if you had, cause maybe you're like, I was very disconnected.
From food in the beginning. Right. I just could not make a decision. I thought my, I said, my picker was broken. I could not pick anything. I didn't know how to make a choice anymore. And so if you had fairy godmother food lady, right? The, the fairy food lady come to your door and she had the exact thing and you didn't have to worry about anything else.
What would it be? And start there. Like what, like money, time, food, ability to know how to make it. [00:06:00] None of that matters. Just what would you want? And then you stop and you say, how would that feel in my body? Would that feel good in my body or would it not? And really think about what would that feel like in your body?
And you're like, you know what? It would be really great, but maybe it doesn't satisfy that little bit of sweetness you want. The other night I was having, um, some soup and I'd been wanting soup for a while. It's gotten cold here and I love, love, love soup. So I had this soup and at the end I noticed I just wanted something that was like maybe a little sweet, but I was really looking for something to have like a little palate cleansing.
And I poured like Gosh, like maybe a mouthful, a sip. I didn't get that. My watch is talking, um, a sip of food, of apple juice into a cup. And I drank that and it was like, Oh, that's perfect. That's all I really needed. And in the past, if I hadn't listened to myself, I would have just been [00:07:00] like popping from one food item to the other waiting until I felt that satisfaction.
So this idea of matching up food is that. You're thinking about like, what is it I'm desiring? So you're totally getting the piece of what you're desiring that urge or craving that desire for what you want so that it satisfies that. And then you're thinking about how does it, how does it react to my body?
Right. So like with me, I have, uh, issues with some of the dairy and things like that. So if I would have thought like, oh, let's have, um, like a little bit of chocolate milk. Well, that probably wouldn't have felt real great in my body. It might not have really taken care of what I was wanting. Um, and so it's like, ah, I don't think so.
Or even the soup itself, whenever I was trying to figure out what I wanted, like what kind of soup I had, um, some, uh, these quarts of. Chicken tortilla soup that were already pre made and it sounded so good, but I knew that I wanted and it [00:08:00] had chicken in it. It just it was going to hit the spot. But I knew that I was going to want a little something with texture.
And so I just put a handful of like, uh, corn chips in it. And that was like the perfect combination. And I didn't have a whole bag of corn chips. I didn't have a whole bunch of extra food. I had just what I needed. And because like all of my desires were listened to and taken into account, I could really just have just enough.
It was so much easier when I matched up what I really wanted. And so, that cheat day didn't need to happen at all. Like there was no desire for a cheat because I showed up eating exactly what I wanted, exactly how my body wanted it. And so there's still some, you know, like, Oh, well, I would think I want, Here's the funny part, right?
I think I want all the cheesecake and I think I want the whole pumpkin pie and I think I want maybe a whole pizza [00:09:00] or the huge steak and like, you know, all the baked potato and all the fixings and the chocolate pie, right? And then The safeguard with that is that little part where I asked, how would that feel in my body?
Does that feel good in my body if I eat that? And this is before I eat it, just would that feel good? And one of the questions I asked my clients is, is that, is that the most loving thing you can choose? And so like, To answer your own urge and, and desires for what you like to eat. But then also the most loving thing of giving your body, like you think of kids, kids want like all the candy, right?
But we know that if they have all the candy, they're going to have a bellyache and they're going to be sick and they're going to feel miserable. And so we don't want that for them. And we don't want that for ourselves. So we may think that we want the chocolate cake and the cheesecake and the pizza and all this stuff, but we know it wouldn't feel good in our body.
So then we're like, well, how can I get what [00:10:00] I'm like, got a tasting for that I really want and put that piece in with how will it feel good in my body? And so maybe you're like, well, you know, like, like I did with the juice, like, I just need a taste. I just want to taste of it. And so that felt really great in my body.
It didn't add anything extra, didn't take away from what my goals were. And. It, none of it felt depriving or restricted. I got exactly what I wanted. I didn't, I, because I got what I wanted. I didn't think about, well, it wasn't a whole glass. It was just a taste. That's not enough because what, excuse me, what I really wanted was like a palate cleanser, just a little bit of sweetness of something after I'd had that suit.
And so like. It answered exactly what I wanted and needed in a way that my body wanted it. And I, I left feeling great. I never felt restricted, deprived, like I said, and I didn't go looking for that later. So when you're depriving yourself, you're continually [00:11:00] like focused on the thing that you didn't get.
And so I got what I needed. So I wasn't continually throughout the day. Looking for what I was missing. There wasn't anything missing. I got exactly what I needed. I got what I wanted to have in my mouth, right? My flavors. And I got to show up to still be able to lose weight or to maintain wherever you're at.
I. to show up for my goal. And my body felt really great with what my choices were. My, my brain felt really good. My taste buds felt really good with what my choices were. And so there's no cheat days needed. So when you. Start thinking, I need a cheat day or this holiday is going to be perfect because I, I can just leave it all behind for a day.
Start asking yourself the bigger questions. Why do you need to leave it all behind? What are you doing that's making it that you need relief? You're needing relief from something. There's some [00:12:00] part, whether it's just, you know, the, the restriction and deprivation, or maybe you're having critical thoughts about yourself.
Are you having these thoughts that like, I'm not doing it good enough. It's not going fast enough. I'm not like, I'm not good enough. The diet's not good enough. Like whatever it is you're thinking, like, it's not supposed to be a diet. It's not supposed to be restricted. It's just supposed to what do you want to eat and listen to your hunger cues.
Eat for hunger. It's seriously supposed to be that simple. So if there's some reason that you need relief. You need to ask, what am I asking for relief from? There's some part of it that that part is the part that you need the relief from. It's your thinking about it. It's some part of it, and that's what we need to address.
So. When you are thinking of these things, I need relief from something. Look at what you need relief from and make sure that you're picking foods that are what you want, what [00:13:00] you enjoy, what you like, and then make sure that it's the most loving thing. It's exactly how your body will feel. It's best. It will feel great in your body.
And then you have what the lady was calling was a great food match. That is. Amazing to be able to do that. It's not counting calories. It's not some other person's idea of a food plan. It's what does my body need? Um, sometimes I think about like, do I need a little bit more vegetables? You know, maybe you need to be a little more regular.
Um, am I looking at something for my, For my heart in my, you know, trying to watch healthy fats and make sure I'm getting some stuff in and some, you know, soluble, insoluble fibers, like whatever it is you're looking at. I've got a couple of ladies who have some type of, um, uh, insulin issue, like their blood, their blood sugar is, is a factor.
So they're going to look at like, does this feel great in my body? [00:14:00] So maybe they want the cheesecake or the chocolate cake, right? The triple tower cat. Cake. And then they're like, well, is this going to feel great in my body? And it's like, well, I have diabetes or I have prediabetes. I don't, but not anymore.
Thank gosh. Maybe you do. And you're like, well, how would that feel? If I put that in my body, well, my body's going to react like crazy. And so that would not feel good in your body. So then you're like, well, how can I get what I'm wanting, but make my body feel good. And so maybe you find a. Low carb alternative that you're happy about.
And maybe you're like, I just really want this. So I'm just gonna have a bite or two and, or I'm going to adjust my other eating so that I get that. And it doesn't affect my carbs in other ways. And so you. It's not a free for all. It's not a restriction deprivation, and you're still able to take care of your body exactly how your body needs it.
So all of that can be met. And then it's a match. It's 100 percent match then. [00:15:00] And. Your body just thanks you. Your brain calms down. You're proud of yourself for showing up exactly how you would have wanted to and getting what you wanted as far as like the food choices and you don't need a cheat day.
There's no cheating. I always laugh. Who are you cheating on? You're cheating on yourself and it's And you already know, like, you can't hide this from somebody else. I'm gonna, cause some people say, I'm gonna cheat in, in private. So they wait until their spouse is gone and then they eat in the privacy of their home.
I used to do that myself. Or you get it in the car and then you stop somewhere to throw away the trash or throw it away before you get in the house, so that nobody knows what you had. You know what you had and your body is definitely going to know what you put in it. So there's no reason to cheat. And if you're listening to what you're really wanting, and you're listening to what you think your body [00:16:00] is going to feel it's best with.
Then that's perfect. If you were wrong and you got done eating and you're like, I thought I had a really great match here and you get done eating and then you're like, I feel miserable. It just feels terrible in my body. Well then, you know, it wasn't quite the match and you've learned and then you change next time.
So the next time you're like, okay, I want this. And then you go to, is it going to feel great way about it? And you remember how you felt that last time? And you're like, well, last time I thought maybe if I would have just had it this way or a little bit of that, or take just a little less or however you thought, maybe it might've felt a little better.
Then you try that this time. And you see, and it's just a test. It's, it reminds me of like when we had, um, our son, and he first got to start eating table food, right? Everything was an experiment. Does he like it? Is he going to let it stay in his mouth? Or is it going to come all [00:17:00] over me and I'm going to be wearing it?
I'm going to be wearing the sweet potatoes, right? And like, and then how does his digestion work after? And so as his mom, I was watching all of those things. And so now I'm watching all of those things, just like I did it for him. I wanted to see what he likes, what he didn't like. I wanted to see how his body tolerated things, um, how it worked for him.
I remember when he was starting to switch between, um, some of the foods and cereals and things from his bottles and, um, the, I remember looking at like, how long does he stay hungry for it is so funny that this is all coming to me now, because this is all the things that I look at now. In this program with people like, well, how many, how many hours did that keep you satisfied before you were looking for something to eat again when you got hungry again?
And like, depending on people's schedules, like some people need to be able to eat a little more like [00:18:00] by the clock because that's when they get breaks. So then we look at like, how could you add a little something that's going to give you some more energy? And so, um, Like I know, you know, um, an apple probably maybe an app, uh, apple by itself would be like an hour, but if I add peanut butter to it, I could usually get two to three hours of feeling satisfied and having great energy.
And so just learning that as you learned about a baby, you learn about yourself. And just knowing that, and. You're the one who decides what you like. So make sure you're eating foods that you enjoy. If you're not, then I wouldn't want to do that diet or that, that plan. Um, why are you trying to make yourself do that?
And, and not to say you can't, you know, experiment and try a few things from time to time, but why would you make yourself eat something that you don't enjoy? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I, I would not be following that plan for sure. So [00:19:00] let me just hop on and see if there was any questions. I thought I saw something pop up.
Um, I don't see anything in the moment. So, all right. So I just want to hop on, say, you know, cheat days are a funny thing. And. Um, I know some diets out there talk about cheat days and it's their attempt at preventing restriction and deprivation. But when you just eat what you enjoy and learn how to do it in a way that satisfies your hunger so that your body is happy with what you've given it, You do not need cheat days.
You can have those things in your plan, in your daily, your daily eating. So that's what I wanted to talk about because it kept coming up with the holidays and then, you know, [00:20:00] we had the, we had the, the Thanksgiving. And then after that, we're gearing up for Christmas and I hear about Christmas parties and all the things, and so like, enjoy it.
Oh, I'll tell you, so I have a group that I'm in and we had our holiday party on Monday and I did have a little bit of overeating. Um, it was because I wanted a little more. Someone made, um, a real tasty something and I wanted a little more of it. So I did go back, but there were a lot of dips and a lot of these like cracker type snacky dips.
So when I made a plate, I put the cracker with like 1 little, Oh, smidge, like if you were going to take the crackers, like, but they had spoons for everything. So I put like one little spoon amount of like, I think there was top and odd and, um, a pineapple dip and some beef dip. I don't remember all the different dips there were.
And I think I had five crackers on my plate and each one had just a little bit [00:21:00] of that. And I remember thinking like, this almost feels like a taste test for me. And so I got to try all the things. And then I only went back for what I wanted a little more of, and, um, I think I tried a couple of desserts that were, um, they were okay.
They were not probably what I would have wanted more of. And I had a bite or two and then I was done. But I think I did have a few more bites than what I needed. Cause it just felt a little full in my stomach. I didn't have any bathroom problems. I didn't have any issues with pain or, you know, indigestion or any of that kind of thing.
I just felt a little fuller than I like to feel whenever I'm eating. And so, um, but like, that's the kind of thing, like I thought I made matches and then it ended up being a little fuller. So, um, I could. Maybe choose not to have quite so many tastings of things that I'm not certain of and, or, or pick the things that I'm [00:22:00] almost certain I'm going to really enjoy and have it be that.
Or listen for like, let other people start eating and hear what they're all moaning and groaning about is the amazing thing to try. And then go get some of that to try. There's so many different ways to do it without overeating. All right, ladies. So I want to talk to you about my program. I have loved doing the concierge weight loss.
I show up totally ready to serve you, figure out what it is that helps you lose your weight. I work with people with their habits, their emotional eating and understanding their body and their cravings. Totally all of it. Um, some people have some relationship things that they're trying to figure out, whatever it is that's causing you to eat.
That's what we focus on. There's not a one size fits all program to this. There's no one way to lose weight and we take advantage of all of the ways we figure it out together, [00:23:00] what it is you're capable of, what you're willing to do, how to do it so that you can do it. Feel really strong and empowered. And you can continue doing this because the idea is to maintain however it is you choose to eat forever.
With that, we work very well in what are you thinking? And what is that bringing up? Like, how are like the cheat day? How is that coming up for you? All of that kind of thing. We figure out your mindset around different ideas. And work with those so that we're working for you and what you're wanting with your goals and not against yourself.
Typically in weight loss, people work against themselves. They're super restrictive and they're thinking it's too hard. They're not able to do it. They're thinking they're not doing it well enough. They're thinking it's taking too long, all of those things. And when we address those together in coaching, they.
become normal and they become neutral and [00:24:00] they're not a problem anymore. My favorite question, if it wasn't a problem, then what? And then it just opens up everything for you. I want that for you. I want all of that for you. I love the idea that you are so set in your mind that you can do anything you want to do and we can do it together.
All right, I would love to work with you. If this sounds like something you are super interested in, then I would love to talk with you. The first thing would be, just take this quick quiz. I'm going to post it in the comments, um, when this gets posted and take this next step quiz. That next step quiz is going to be the thing that helps you see what some of your reasons that have held you back from your lasting weight loss, um, have been, and it'll give you a next step to try.
I have a link in there that'll tell you how to talk with me so that we could get started to work together, but that next step quiz is so eye opening. So start there, and then when you're ready, [00:25:00] I'm here waiting for you. See you next week.
