Alrighty, can I tell you something I realized about myself the other night? I had already eaten dinner.
I even had dessert. I wasn't physically hungry.
I was sitting on the couch, and watching TV, relaxing for the day, and I found myself just…
Wanting more. A few pieces of candy…
Maybe some pretzels, and my first
thought wasn't…
I'm hungry. My first thought,
was, why do I still want to eat?
So now, if you've listened to me for very long, you know I…
talk a lot about getting curious, figuring things out, paying attention.
So, I realized…
I wasn't stressed, not really.
Uh, was I emotional? Not… not necessarily especially.
I hadn't skipped any meals for the day, I wasn't feeling deprived, like, I hadn't been giving myself some candy or some sugar or whatever.
And then it hit me.
I didn't want the enjoyment.
of the evening to end.
[Kara Hackleman] 16:47:44
The TV was good, and I was feeling comfortable. I didn't want to go to bed yet. Uh, the candy…
[Kara Hackleman] 16:47:50
wasn't fixing any kind of a problem.
It was extending…
the pleasure. And I thought, I bet I'm not the only one who does this.
Because I think that's the truth about cravings, that almost nobody talks about.
We spend so much time…
trying to figure out how to stop craving food that we rarely stop to ask why we're craving it in the first place.
I think so many women believe cravings mean that they're failing.
If I were more disciplined, if…
If I had more willpower,
If I were really committed to losing weight.
I wouldn't want the ice cream. I wouldn't want the candy. Have you ever thought something like that?
I know I have, but here's…
What I've learned after coaching women for years now.
Wanting the food?
That is not the problem.
believing you have to obey every craving, that is.
I still crave ice cream. Actually, ice cream is probably always gonna sound good to me.
And lately, it's been those pink and red starbursts, where it's all the pink and red ones in the package. They are calling my name quite often.
I don't… I don't think there's some magical point where…
When you've lost your weight, or you become healthy, that people just stop liking dessert. I don't know what that would feel like, because I still very much want dessert.
And I was 230 pounds, so, like, if it hasn't happened to me, I can't imagine what would change it for me to stop wanting dessert or pink and red Starbursts.
I don't think weight loss success means
that you suddenly become someone who would rather have broccoli than brownies.
But wouldn't that be nice? But I don't think… I don't think that's how it works. It doesn't!
The goal isn't to stop wanting the food. The goal is to trust yourself around the food.
And that's a really different goal.
Because if my goal is to never want ice cream, I'm probably gonna feel like a failure. I'm gonna mess up, I'm gonna…
I'm gonna fail. But if my goal is to trust myself around ice cream, now we're working on something…
that I can build, something I can do, I can work towards. I've also noticed something else.
There are days that my cravings
are louder. Louder, louder, louder.
Have you noticed that? For me, it's usually when I'm tired, or when I'm snacking all day instead of just eating a meal.
Or sometimes it's when I haven't had enough water.
My body is amazing. Let me just tell you. It lets me know when something is off.
It's not always the perfect, like, here's the message printed out so that I understand it, but often enough,
that I've learned, I need to pay attention when it's talking. And the cravings don't disappear.
When I take care of myself. They just get quieter. So, that tells me something.
Sometimes my body isn't just asking for ice cream. Sometimes it's asking for some rest.
But then there are other days, and this is where it gets interesting.
Sometimes the craving has absolutely nothing to do with UNCUR, with
Sometimes I wanted comfort.
I've shared before that there are seasons where the comfort that I wanted from somebody…
Maybe somebody specific.
specific that I loved, it just wasn't available, but food was.
And food was predictable, and food never said it was too busy. Food didn't require a difficult conversation.
It was easy. Food was easy.
And I don't tell you that because I'm necessarily proud of it. I tell you that because I stopped feeling ashamed of it.
Understanding it gave me options, and shame never did.
And then, sometimes…
There isn't even a deep reason. I almost hesitate to say this, because I think…
I always am looking for the reason. I think we…
typically overcomplicate things. Sometimes…
I just want it. Sometimes I just want the candy. Period. End of sentence.
It tasted so good, I wanted it. I just wanted it, and then I wanted more. And that's it.
Not every craving
has some big analytical reasoning, or something happening. There's not a huge emotion that it's taken care of. Sometimes food is just…
food. It's just delicious.
And I actually think admitting that is healthier than pretending that every craving has a…
A hidden meaning to it.
So, if cravings aren't always the problem, then what is?
I… I think the problem is this. Most of us experience a craving.
And we skip straight to eating. Every time.
There's no space in between.
It's automatic. Cookie? Eat.
Candy, eat. Ice cream? Eat. It's almost like the craving makes sense.
the decision for us, and that's…
the part I want to change. Because somewhere along the way, I realized…
The pause is where our power comes back.
Not because every pause ends with saying, no, I'm not gonna eat that.
Sometimes I absolutely decide it's worth having the ice cream.
Sometimes I eat the dessert, sometimes I really enjoy those pink and red Starbursts.
That's not failure.
But I want…
it to be my decision, not my cravings decision. My craving gets a vote, but it doesn't get the final decision.
I've been asking myself a different question lately. Not, can I have this, or should I have this?
Instead, I ask…
Will I regret eating this more?
Or regret not eating it more. Not 5 seconds from now, or maybe in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months.
But because the answer changes depending on the moment, I kind of have to think through that.
Once the food is absolutely more important.
Sometimes I would totally regret not eating somebody's homemade pie, and sometimes I'll barely remember the random candy that I, like, almost grabbed from the break room.
If everything is worth it…
then nothing really is. Because if every craving gets the same answer,
Weight loss is going to become really, really hard. If everything is special, then right, nothing is special, so…
Instead, I pause.
And then I decide, I decide.
And whatever I choose,
I own it.
And honestly, I think that's where confidence has been coming from, not from always having to say no. Confidence comes from knowing you can trust yourself,
to make intentional decisions.
Some days, you're going to eat the dessert, and some days, you're gonna walk away.
Both can be the right decision.
The question isn't what would a perfect eater do,
The question is, which choice helps me become?
who I'm trying to become. So here's what I… I want you to do this week. I…
I don't want you to fight your cravings. I don't even want you to try to eat differently. I just want you to notice.
The next time a craving shows up,
Pause. Ask yourself, what's going on here?
Maybe you're tired or stressed, maybe you're lonely.
Maybe you just don't want the enjoyment of a good evening to end.
Or maybe you simply want the cookie. All of those answers can be okay, because this week isn't about changing your cravings.
It's about getting to know them. And I think you'll be surprised by what you discover.
Next week, we're gonna keep building on this conversation by talking about the difference between physical hunger and emotional cravings, because they really do feel different.
Once you start to know what to look for. So, until then, remember this.
Cravings are part of being human.
They don't make you weak, they don't make you broken, and they certainly don't make you incapable of losing weight.
Every craving is simply another opportunity to pause.
Make a choice, and build a little more trust with yourself.
I'll see you next week.