Welcome! Welcome, welcome back to Concierge Weight Loss.
Today, I want to talk about…
One question that I hear all the time.
Why do I keep starting over?
with weight loss. People are like,
All the time, talking about, I… I just… I keep starting over. Like, I… I try another diet, I'm doing all the things.
Maybe you've said something like that, like, I'll…
I'll do it next month, or I'll do it on Monday, or…
I've gotta get back on track. That's when I hear, I've gotta get back on track.
Um, I was doing so good until…
Um, sometimes it's, like, I just… I can't seem to keep going. I just…
like, something happens.
So, if that's you, I want you to know something.
I don't think that your problem is that you keep starting over.
I think that your problem is that you think you need to.
Let me tell you what happened tonight.
So, um…
as I'm writing this podcast,
episode. Um, I guess it was last night.
Um, I had eaten at least 4 handfuls of chocolate-covered cashews.
Now, if I'm being completely honest,
that. Wasn't my original intention for the day, to have chocolate-covered cashews.
I had an intention of a plan, but I hadn't… of, like, what I wanted to eat, but I hadn't written it down. I hadn't committed by writing it down.
And so, at some point last night, I found myself going back for another handful.
And another handful, and another, and another, and another, right?
Years ago, that…
That moment would have gone very differently.
Years ago, I… once I felt like I had messed up, I would have decided that
I've already messed up. It's all ruined.
And I would have finished that bag.
completely finished every single one of those. And then, I probably would have had
something else to eat, too. I would have found more.
Um, because if I was already being bad, that's how I would say it, is that how you say it?
If I was already being bad, I might as well just keep going.
And then, I would declare the next day a fresh start.
I would create a bunch of new rules, I would tighten the control, I'd promise myself I'll be stricter, I'll be better, I'll do it all.
And I'd spend the rest of the night feeling disappointed in myself.
But that's not what happened last night.
There were still 5 cashews left in the bag, and that's about the time when I realized I am eating, and I am not even hungry.
I'm just eating because they're here, because I like them, because I want them.
So, that's what I'm most proud of. Not because I ate perfectly, or made some perfect plan, or that I even followed a plan or didn't.
Not because I… I followed that intention exactly that I thought I was gonna do for the day, but because I interrupted an old pattern.
I… I did. I overate.
And then I stopped. I didn't use overeating as permission to keep overeating.
And that difference…
is everything. That was the biggest change from how I used to do things.
So the real problem…
isn't overeating.
Most women think that the problem is the handful of chocolate, or the chips, the…
Maybe going on vacation, ruining it all, right? The birthday cake.
But that's usually not the thing keeping them stuck.
What's keeping them stuck is what happens next.
judgment. The shame.
self-criticism. And then the belief
that they have failed. So, once you believe that you have failed, you start looking for evidence that it's true.
You think, see? I knew I couldn't do this.
I have no self-control.
I always do this! Every time I do this!
Or you think, I just don't want it bad enough. I've told myself that so many times. I must really just not want it bad enough.
That last one. That is how I say it all the time. I've… every time I've gotten disappointed with myself,
I would say, I just must not have wanted it badly enough.
So, maybe if I really wanted it, I would just do the things.
Maybe if I had more willpower, maybe I'd follow through then.
But that wasn't true. I did want it! I desperately wanted weight loss.
What I didn't know was how to be successful while being imperfect.
I only knew how to succeed when everything went according to plan.
And, I don't know if you know this, but life generally…
rarely goes according to plan.
So, I want to talk to you about this thing called the all-or-nothing, the all-or-nothing trap. Most people…
They think that consistency, because you hear me talk a lot about consistency, they think that consistency
means doing everything right.
But consistency isn't about perfection and doing it right. Consistency is about continuing.
It's continuing after a hard day, continuing after overeating, after vacation, continuing after stress.
And definitely after disappointment.
The women who lose weight long-term aren't women who never mess up, or who have learned to do it perfectly.
They are women who recover faster from the mistakes. Think about that.
The goal isn't fewer mistakes.
I mess up a lot, and I keep my weight off very well.
The goal is shorter recoveries after those mistakes.
Years ago, a handful of chocolate-covered cashews might have turned into a weekend of overeating, and a weekend might have turned into a month. A month might have turned into six months.
And you see how it just keeps going.
And so, now, it's a moment.
That is growth. That is difference.
That's why I can maintain my weight loss.
So, why starting over? Why starting over feels so good? You don't think about that one, right?
Starting over feels productive.
It feels hopeful, like I have control. It gives me something to do.
Tomorrow, I'll be better. Tomorrow, I'll follow the plan.
Tomorrow, I'll be stricter, I'll do it all. And tomorrow?
I'll finally do it right.
But here's the problem. Every time you start over,
You're accidentally…
Practicing quitting. You're teaching yourself that mistakes…
require abandonment, like…
We gotta wipe the… it creates shame!
Because we are so ashamed of how bad we did that we have to abandon the whole thing,
and start from scratch. I'm totally picturing a kid who, like, had one mark on their paper that they're drawing on go wrong,
And they tore up a masterpiece because of one wrong line that was etched on there.
We don't even need to erase it. Let's just keep coloring. We've got this.
So, instead of asking yourself,
how do I start over?
try asking, what would just continuing look like?
Right? Because maybe continuing looks like drinking water. We're not going all the way back to the start. We're just gonna take another step.
drink some water. Maybe it looks like… maybe we have a little different breakfast tomorrow morning, or…
just a little more balanced, right? Maybe we take a walk, and we breathe, and say, like, I actually did a lot of things today.
And I'm doing this today, too.
Maybe it looks like taking a moment and figuring out how to learn from what happened.
When you learn and you understand what happened and why,
Huge. I like to call it, what's the next best thing? So, like, what's the next best thing? How can I save the day?
It puts that control back into my possession, so I don't have to wait.
Till tomorrow to do good again. I can save the day today. So…
Are you livin' weight or learning? Okay? One of my favorite concepts is this. You're either losing weight,
Or you're learning how to lose weight.
Every experience is giving you information. What happened?
What were you feeling? What did you need?
What worked, what didn't? That's…
What coaches think. That's how I help my clients.
how successful people think.
Now, I failed, but what can I learn from this?
You don't try to avoid failure. Instead, you're like, okay, it's just something I haven't figured out yet. What's the next thing I need to figure out so that I can do this?
When you stop making mistakes means something about you, about your worth,
They become useful. So the women who succeed aren't
completely different people. They're not bred in a different way.
They are still gonna overeat sometimes. They still have their vacations, and definitely have those stressful weeks.
They still eat the cookies.
They still have moments where things don't go according to plan.
The difference is they don't make those moments mean that they are a problem, or that THEY are broken. They don't spend days proving to themselves that they failed.
They get curious, they adjust.
They continue.
So, your challenge this week. The next time something doesn't go according to plan, don't ask.
How can I get back on track tomorrow?
How do I keep going now? Because you're probably
way closer than you think. You don't need another fresh start.
You definitely don't need another diet.
Or a better plan, you need a better recovery.
And if you find yourself stuck in the cycle of starting over, beating yourself up,
Creating more rules, and then starting over again, that's exactly the kind of thing that coaching helps with.
Most women know what they're supposed to do.
When I talk to people, they usually know.
what they're supposed to be doing.
What they need help is,
understanding why they aren't doing it.
Solving those obstacles that are standing in their way, and learning how to keep going when life doesn't go perfectly.
If that's where you are, I want you to schedule this free call with me. Go to www.coachingkara.com/freecall.
We'll talk about what's actually keeping you stuck and create a plan
that works in real life,
Not just on your best days.
So, until next time, remember, consistency isn't perfection.
Consistency is just continuing. Alright, I'll see ya!
