One of the most confusing things women tell me is this.
I'm not hungry, but I want to eat!
I'm hungry all the time! Or sometimes I just ate, so why do I want more?
And almost always, what follows is shame.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I get this under control?
I should know better by now. I should know if I'm hungry or not.
So I want to say this clearly, right from the start. Wanting to eat when you are not physically hungry does not mean
Something is wrong with you. It means you've been asking food to meet needs,
that haven't been met anywhere else.
And when eating has been framed as the problem, but also ends up being the solution to everything, it makes complete sense that hunger feels confusing.
Today, we're talking about the difference between eating needs and emotional needs.
And why learning that difference changes everything about weight loss.
Without shame, restriction, and punishment.
So, many women I work with are used to ignoring themselves.
Maybe you do, right? Ignoring hunger, ignoring fatigue, ignoring the…
need for rest, or comfort, or a break. They push through. They take care of everyone else first.
They finished the tasks at hand, and probably even more so.
And they do just one more thing.
And often, the only thing they consistently give themselves
is food. Not a break, not comfort, not rest, not permission to stop.
food, because they get all those things when they eat the food. So eating at the end of a long day,
becomes the pause.
Snacking becomes the comfort.
and dessert becomes the permission to finally stop.
And when that's the only form of care you regularly allow for yourself, of course, everything starts to feel like hunger.
every…
problem, every suggestion of a need becomes hunger. That's how we solve it.
Because food isn't just food anymore. It's relief.
It's rest, it's comfort, it's the only moment that you're required
to do nothing. No performance needed.
Here's where things get really confusing.
Many women are told eating is the problem. You need to control food.
You need to stop emotional eating.
But food is also the only thing that has reliably, reliably
helped you feel better. So, you end up stuck in this loop.
You eat, you feel some relief. Then you feel shame because you ate.
And then you restrict, and you push through, and then you eat again. And the cycle just keeps going in this loop.
And because eating keeps showing up as both the problem and the solution, it's easy to start thinking, I just must be hungry all the time.
Or, I can't really tell what real hunger even is.
It's confusing. That's what I hear often. It's confusing. And then I hear, I don't trust myself, or I don't trust my body.
Everything looks like hunger, because hunger is the only signal that you've been allowed
to listen to. It's the only one coming through, so it just gets louder.
Until you learn the difference. And then…
It's different. Alright, let's slow this down and separate things out for you.
We have eating needs. Those are physical.
Your body needs fuel, energy, and nourishment. We're used to that, right? But that's not how we've been eating.
Emotional needs, those are things like rest and relief.
Comfort, connection, safety, um, permission to pause, enjoyment and creativity.
When emotional needs aren't being met, food often gets asked to fill in the gaps.
Not because you're weak, not because you lack discipline.
But because your body wants to feel better, your brain wants to feel better.
Food became a tool, and for a long time,
It might have been the only tool.
The problem isn't that you used it. The problem is believing it's the only option you have.
Yeah. This is something I explained to every woman I coach.
Your body is not trying to sabotage you.
Your body is built to protect you.
It has an internal safety system that will stop at nothing to get your attention.
So when you don't take breaks, or when you don't…
get comfort or connection that you need.
Um, when you don't create space for enjoyment and some of that creativity,
Your body finds another way.
It ramps up urges to eat.
Why? Because eating guarantees a pause, some comfort, a moment of relief.
That's not failure. That's protection.
And over time, that protection becomes a learned habit.
Now, layer in years.
sometimes decades of dieting.
Every woman I've coached has to…
has had to wade through this.
They were taught restriction is required.
deprivation is normal.
Hunger is part of weight loss.
Eating very little is how it works. That's how you know you're doing good.
So, they believe they're supposed to be starving all the time.
That hunger is proof they are doing it right. That's what they think.
And then I come along and say, it's safe to eat!
And that feels scary. It feels confusing.
Because no one ever taught them the difference between the whisper of hunger
and the alarms of hunger.
When you wait for hunger to scream,
It will, because your body doesn't trust that you'll listen otherwise.
Here's what I teach instead.
You don't wait for hunger to become an emergency.
You respond at the whisper of hunger.
Might sound like, hey, did you know?
I'm kinda hungry. I'm thinking about some food. You get to decide if you eat or not, but you get to respond at that whisper.
And when you eat consistently and earlier at that whisper, your body starts learning something new.
She feeds me! Ah, she listens to me.
Guess what I guess I might not have to yell at her anymore.
That internal safety system begins to relax.
And when hunger doesn't need to be loud…
Urges don't have to be either.
This was honestly hard for me to learn, honestly.
But there was an unexpected perk, as I did.
I've noticed that when I eat more regularly, I don't need to eat as much at once.
I don't feel like I have to get it all in.
I get to eat more variety, I get to have a few bites, and that feel like it's enough.
And one of my favorites, it's helped quiet those I'm-missing-out thoughts, because, oh lord, I had those big time. Fear of missing out on everything. I needed to not pass up any options for food.
But it quieted those, because food is no longer scarce.
It's available. It's allowed, and it's safe. And that changes everything.
I mentioned this briefly before, but I want to slow it down and really make sure you hear it.
Recently, I delayed eating.
I waited, I finished some tasks, a lot of tasks.
I put it off, and later, I had candy and a few handfuls of pretzels,
I finally had my meal, and then that familiar herd showed up.
I gotta have more. I gotta fix this. I'm… I must be hungry, and I need to eat now.
I should just keep going. I should keep going and eating more and more. And that urge has been well rehearsed for years.
But, this time, instead of panicking or fighting,
I just paused, and I talked back.
I thought about it for a second, and I was like, girl, you're not even hungry, you just ate.
I knew I had eaten recently. I knew sugar can trigger more of that deep
urge wanting, and I trusted that my body had been fed.
So, instead of forcing myself to stop eating…
I answered the urge. I reassured my body. You're safe! This will pass!
You've already been fed. You've been taken care of.
It was uncomfortable. I still wanted to fix it with more sugar. The urges got a little louder for a while.
But what was missing? No rebellion. I didn't rebel like I should be allowed to have this.
I didn't bully myself. Girl, why can't you get your act together? And I didn't spiral into that loop of eating and feeling shame and going and going and going.
I just trusted myself. I trusted that I knew how to figure out if I was hungry. I trusted that my body gives me alarms for reasons sometimes that don't always have to do with being hungry.
And I could talk back to it.
Girl, you just hate. You're not even physically hungry.
This is what happens as you build skills.
Food doesn't disappear from the toolbox.
It just stops doing all the work.
Over time, other tools become available, taking a real break.
Eating earlier, asking for some support.
creating comfort without food.
Um, letting yourself rest without earning it.
Maybe enjoyment without guilt.
And as your toolbox expands, emotional eating loses its intensity.
Not because you're controlling it, but because it's no longer carrying everything.
If emotional eating has been…
part of your story. It doesn't mean you're doing weight loss wrong.
It means that you actually adapted.
And now, you're learning something new. So, this is a skill.
One that gets easier with practice.
One that becomes safer with support.
And when women learn this skill, weight loss stops feeling like a fight.
Because you no longer are fighting yourself.
If you've been trying to control emotional eating, and it keeps backfiring,
Maybe the answer isn't more control. Maybe it's understanding.
And if you want help learning how to meet your needs without food being the only option, that's exactly how I help women.
That's what I do. Not with shame, not with…
more piled-on rules, but with clarity and trust,
and support. You don't need to stop emotional eating overnight. You just need to start listening and responding.
Instead of fighting it.
That's where real change happens. That's where it begins.
